Dot Matrix

In Emporia with Paul.

Paul was in the 11th corps and a really cool guy. I have no information on him at all, however.

Happy birthday Oakie!

Have a wonderful birthday! You are 39 again?

Paula also said she KNEW the day Craig said all the crap at Emporia that she would not be staying in the mnistry -- it was CRAP. He was crap. She sends you love.

Howard: This message is from your friend Paula -- I have thought of you through the years and wanted you to know how much I missed you. I recall how they treated you at the campus we shared and it always bothered me that they were so cold. I am sending you a hug. Love you always! Leave me a private message here or at LES if you want to talk to her; I will hook you up.

Toadfriend [deleted by moderator] If you were there drop me a line, we probably know one another. God Bless

P.S. For Dovey Ben and Jerry are typical Dachshunds - full of life and personality. They are gorgeous boys. You cannot tell that Jerry is blind unless you watch him navigate new surroundings. They are brothers and depend on each other. Ben is always near Jerry or if he wanders off to play he comes back frequently to check on him and be certain he's ok. Ben takes very good care of Jerry. The boys love to play ball with their bell ball. They love people. They are housebroken. They lived with their family for three years and then they decided to move and dumped them in a kill shelter. They were born in 2001 and weigh about 15 pounds each. They are neutered and current on health care

Thanks guys! :)--> Dot

PS White dove did you see these guys when they were up for adoption? http://www.hua.org/Dogs-For-Adoption/SimoneandSylvie.html Simone and Sylvie are tiny Pomeranians. Sylvie is Simone's daughter. Simone was born April 1996 and weighs 3.6 lbs. Sylvie was born May 2000 and weighs 3.7 lbs. These innocent little darlings came from a Missouri puppymill Look at this little one! Daisy is pretty worried about what has happened to her. She had a home but now she's at a shelter. She doesn't know what she did wrong. Daisy is a gorgeous chocolate Dachshund.

Thanks you guys! Someone e-mailed me to say there was a little greeting for me! How very sweet of all of you, thank you so much! Getting older? Then, you will understand when I say birthdays are different now-a-days... All they mean is my breasts have dropped another inch, my butt has spread another inch and I have shrank another inch. Fun future huh? In a few years my breasts will be doing the cantalope in a sock impression, my butt will look like the Lincoln tunnel, and my height will be questionable. But thanks for the howdys! I love you. Dot

I have nothing but love for you rascal. I understand why you fought for their right to be here, I cannot explain it here or I will be attacked on that as well, but I KNEW there was more to the smiling package. I met a very similar package who was corps and well... I just knew. Alfacat I am so glad to see you as I am absolutely wild about you! If you need me you have my e-mail. Sis says hello! Kiss & hug

I am speaking to all kinds of different individuals here so what does not apply -- then pls disregard. Hugs and kisses to many Dear GS family: I love and miss so many of you! I wanted to thank those of you who spoke up for me and let you know it does mean something to me. I love you. For those with whom I used to have a wonderful time swapping posts – I miss you and I love you. For those of you who did nothing or held your tongue, I love you still. For those of you purposely trying to hurt me – I am human and working on loving you because frankly, I don’t like you very much, but I serve a God who loves you. The Way International hurt us with its covert devilish doctrines discussed in inner circles and applied in (some) training. But God loved us. He never for one moment forgot you, left you or forsook you. God had your heart in his hands and I am sure all of you KNEW when to leave and talked yourselves out of going for a variety of reasons. Perhaps you were caught in the circular thinking of how could the class be so good and Leadership so bad if they taught the class which was good etc. Or by the time you knew something was not right, your whole life, friends, livelihood, etc., was so woven into the fabric of The Way you just did not know how to leave. Some of you limped out of that little shop of horrors because of what people did to you. Many have given up on God for how could he be “love” and allow us to get involved with The Way? We can wonder ourselves to death. And these questions can lead you on a path where you just do not want to try anymore. Or we can hold onto things we know to be true in our hearts and ask God to help rebuild what the devil tore out of our lives. We can start with love. God loves you. We can build with communication to God and ask him to show us his love to release your hearts from the pain we received while trying to serve him. I know these are painful steps and some are afraid to trust God, after all, it was because you loved him you wound up in places like Emporia having your hearts ripped from you by a vein popping leader who exuded nastiness… Or on the WOW field when you tried your heart out to get a class together and your religious leader demanded you do better all the while underminding your loving efforts… It all hurts. But if we call upon him again, from the core of our being, past all questions he will hear and answer. This site was set up so we could come here and share our experiences in The Way & swap our portion of the truth behind the curtain of lock boxes and perverse leaders. And it has been a place of healing. Sometimes that healing involved some tempers and arguments where we were all concerned. But in its own remote way it offered a corner of the world to talk about what happened. Since we have seen the arrival of people from other cults there has been an upheaval. If this were my board I would have stopped it then and there but that was not my decision to make. And because the powers that be (Whom I respect and he has his own reasons) allowed the personality/complexion of this site to change, I left because I did not want to engage in fellowship where Christ was openly bashed (even if only in a title)by people who did not even have any Way affiliation to be here. That is my choice and my decision. However, this decision I made here, with you all has been dragged to another site where I have been dissected and mocked. All the while the person (s) responsible for that was sending a message to me via other people who participate here of how sorry he was for posting something that offended me. This all sounded good to those who heard it but when the real “heart” of this individual was exposed on the XJW site many of you were shocked at the display of my words and the berating that followed, as was I. Some of you don’t care and joined in. Oh well, that is your choice. All of these things are choices that we make. To those this is applicable to, I cannot make you care about me, I cannot make you hate me, I cannot fix your hearts. But I do know that if you surround yourselves with such callousness, and begin to rage in anger it just leads to more rage and meanness and hurt feelings. Yes, by those you rage at, but also yourselves. It will change who you are if you let people lead you to a place without the “hope” of Christ and where it is okay to be as nasty as you want to be. Is that who you wish to become? A nasty God rejecter who hurts people randomly without a second thought? And even the God rejecters don’t wish to be mean and nasty – who wants that in their eulogy? Some of you have taken words of mine and used them against me by twisting them and taking them from their context. Somehow this validated your hatred and or anger of me. If that is how you find joy and satisfaction in life then I am glad I could assist you. But I write this now as I was told my handle of Dot Matrix was registered on the XJW site and I have not done so. And I am being told that again I am under attack. How cool, as I have not have this much coverage since I took on the doctrines of the inner circle with VPW and a few of his hechmen/women. This causes my current friends much pain for me and anger. It is so nice to feel some kindness when it seems everyone wants your head on a platter. So, I have thought about this long and hard. What makes bad things stop? What makes evil go away? Is it fighting and if so what kind of fighting secures a win in the battle? Curiously, my sister called and said the devil never stops fighting not ever – never. You cannot fight “evil” from a human stance it has to be giving the battle to God. Committing yourselves unto the Lord and the devil will flee. And she was probably pounding back a few beers while we were talking just in case you think I come from a “religious background” as some define me as "crazy and religious". On one site I am on, a man, who also posts here, who claims to be “searching”... I thought he might really be “searching” so I shared salvation with him. After all HE came to a Christian site, I did not go knocking on his door. I asked where do the people go who do not believe in Jesus as a thread title -- seeking a Biblical answer. He responded that we created our own heaven and hell...when we treat people well we are in heaven...etc. I asked where he got that from as a Christian? He said he didn't know if he was one nor did he really believe the Bible. So, I witnessed to him. And he was then reminded that site was Christian and to let us have our small corner of the world to talk about the Christian things. (gist) But was WELL aware of the rules of the site when he showed up, now I see him complaining in a thread here. He was not set up. He was on a Christian site promoting non-Christian views and was asked to let us have our space. That was neither cruel nor a set up. He then removed his own posts. By the way, he is acting all innocent here but he was challanging my beliefs and I responded in kind. This caused him to view me as crazy and religious. I was told he posted that very statement on some site perhaps the JW site. Oh well... What a compliment to be viewed as such by you. Thank you so much! I loved that! On the day of Pentecost I hear of a few guys with cloven tongues like unto fire -- and people thought they were drunk. So, I feel pretty elated that one such as yourself is insulting me. How cool, maybe I am finally doing something for God! And to the “one” who took my letter to a site I was unaware of, I have been tracked down and asked about healing – so thank you for helping me spread the power of God to other areas. Although originally I sat in anger and shock – and I still think what you did and the heart behind it was wrong – what you meant for evil God meant (turned it into) for good. (Gen. 50:20) So this brings us back to the battle. I am a Christian therefore I seek a Biblical answer. For some of the non-Christians what I have to share will either be ignored – your choice-- or ridiculed – again your choice, or with my agnostic friends tolerated because they love me... To those of you I have had an exchange with over the past years – I love you – even if you do not agree with me. My husband thinks we should all just pick an uplifting favorite verse and share it with each other and that might not be such a bad idea! Here is what I want to share with you. This way it cannot be brougth here in pieces and turned in such a way that makes me look differently than I actually look. With all this fighting I wanted to see how to fight & how to win. "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." (James 4:7 KJV) It says submit yourselves to God. What does that mean? Be a door mat for Jesus? Or be a fighter bringing out the sword of the spirit? Our strength must come from the Lord. When we try to do things in our own strength or our own ability, we will often fail. The reason for this is we do not have as much strength or ability as we think we have. When we go in God’s strength, he is there to compensate for our own weaknesses and to help us through unseen dangers and snares. Philippians 4:13, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. 13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. "There is a battle to be fought. One of the things that is commonly misunderstood today is that the child of God is in a battle, and the battle is being fought along spiritual lines." Thru the Bible with J. Vernon McGee, vol. 5, pg. 277 © 1983, Thomas Nelson Publishers 14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; 15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: 18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; 19 And for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the mystery of the gospel, 20 For which I am an ambassador in bonds: that therein I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak. 21 But that ye also may know my affairs, and how I do, Tychicus, a beloved brother and faithful minister in the Lord, shall make known to you all things: 22 Whom I have sent unto you for the same purpose, that ye might know our affairs, and that he might comfort your hearts. 23 Peace be to the brethren, and love with faith, from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. 24 Grace be with all them that love our Lord Jesus Christ in sincerity. Amen. :)--> So, one thing is for sure God gave us a cute outfit in which we can go to battle (wink) 'cause after living in California, I have learned that clothes are very important. :)--> But seriously he does not leave us naked and alone to face an attack. James 1:2-4 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; 3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. 4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. Not all trouble is because we sinned. One reason for trials and temptations is to work patience in us. Patience's work in us makes us perfect and wanting nothing. Since we will never be completely perfect in the body of this death, so we are never done with temptations and trials in this life. It is not a sign of failure nor is it always chastening because we sinned. It is designed to perfect us. James 1:12 Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him. The crown of life come to those who endure temptation and love the Lord. If we love the Lord we will strive to endure temptation. 1 Cor. 10:13, 1 Peter 1:7. When we endure it glorifies God. Rev. 2:10 also mentions the crown of life in this context. (For other crowns see: 1 Thess. 2:19, 2 Tim. 4:8, 1 Cor. 9:25, 1 Peter 5:4.) James 1:13 Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: God cannot be tempted with evil, but God can be tempted. He can be tempted to do righteousness, to execute the fierceness of His wrath upon sin and wickedness, to chastise those that do not fear Him or walk in His ways. Matt. 4:7, Acts 15: 10, Heb. 3:8-9, Exo. 17:7, Ps. 78, 1 Cor. 10:9 God cannot be tempted with evil to sin, Heb. 4:15. :)--> Here we can count it all joy and maybe even get a crown! Again with the clothes – who could not enjoy this God who is so into fashion! In heaven, move over Diana, that little crown might be for one of us! Gen 50:15 When Joseph's brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, "Perhaps Joseph will hate us, and may actually repay us for all the evil which we did to him." 50:16 So they sent messengers to Joseph, saying, "Before your father died he commanded, saying, 50:17 'Thus you shall say to Joseph: "I beg you, please forgive the trespass of your brothers and their sin; for they did evil to you." ' Now, please, forgive the trespass of the servants of the God of your father." And Joseph wept when they spoke to him. 50:18 Then his brothers also went and fell down before his face, and they said, "Behold, we are your servants." 50:19 Joseph said to them, "Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? 50:20 "But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. 50:21 "Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones." And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them. :)--> So, let me see even if you seek to do me harm God can turn it into a really cool thing. Yeah God! And of course people will call you "crazy" when you speak up for God. In an effort to discredit you or have any "who maybe seeking" turn away. So, hey maybe someone throws something in your path which, in turn, God uses to catapult you to something better and to reaching more people. (Remember the crucifixion? Why now the devil has to deal with “Christ” in so many people – big raspberry to the devil and a hundred yipees to God) Matthew 10:32:,33--Whosoever therefore shall confess Me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven. But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven. :)--> And Gee we do not need to make concessions to “fit” in. If you believe in Jesus as the Christ go ahead and say it. And if someone’s rejection bothers you – he may have the right to reject – but you have the right to publicly disagree with that rejection. If you want to do so! To whom it applies, if you think going and being nasty on a site which allows and almost encourages it, will not change who you are, think again. 1 Corinthians 15:33 Don't be deceived! Evil companionships corrupt good morals. And to those of you here with the express purpose of hurting people or leading people away from God: Mathew 18: 4-7 Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me. "But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes! Lastly I wanted to share some of what this guy wrote: We Are Called To Oppose The Devil Jesus came to destroy the works of the devil, and we Christians are called to assist in this destruction. "He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of The devil." (1 John 3:8 KJV) The devil is our adversary, intent on our destruction. "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:" (1 Peter 5:8 KJV) We are called to resist the devil. "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." (James 4:7 KJV) We are not called to attack the devil personally, or to injure him or to kill him. Jesus never attacked the devil personally. Neither did any of His disciples. Nowhere in Scripture are we called to do so, either. Rebuke, yes; attack, no. Similarly, we should avoid direct insults ("railing accusations") of the devil, following the example of the Archangel Michael. "Yet Michael the archangel, when contending with the devil he disputed about the body of Moses, durst not bring against him a railing accusation, but said, The Lord rebuke thee." (Jude 1:9 KJV) * * * "Well," you might say. "If the devil (Satan) is our enemy, why shouldn't we attack him and insult him whenever we get the chance?" We should resist the devil, yes; destroy his works, yes; oppose him on all fronts, yes. This our job as Christians, and all the spiritual principalities understand this and respect it. But we should not engage in personal attacks against him or "railing accusations" (insults). To do so is to overstep our authority and to invite Satanic retaliation, from which the Lord in His wisdom might not always protect us. We cannot fight the devil we can only resist him and the way to do that is to submit to God. We do not fight the devil – we just grow closer to God and let the Lord rebuke them. The Lord rebuke you for he hath said, "But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” Judgment The title is taken from Matthew 7:2. The previous verse flatly states: “Judge not, that you be not judged.” Yet we find other scriptural commands to make judgments: “Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment” (John 7:2) “...Is it so, that there is not a wise man among you, not even one, who will be able to judge between his brethren?” (1Cor 6:5.) “Let two or three prophets speak, and let the others judge” (1Cor 15:29). “...You have tested [tried] those who say they are apostles and are not, and have found them liars” (Rev 2:2). Are the scriptures in conflict on the issue of judgment? No! There are times when we are to judge, and times when we are to withhold judgment. There are two apparent cases when His saints are called upon to make judgments: 1) when they are asked to judge an issue by another and 2) to determine if others are teaching truth. This last category of judgment is usually a personal issue; we are to decide for ourselves who is teaching truth... Carry on. I hope the healing nature of this site returns. But you may have to clean up the neighborhood (wink). I love you, but better than that -- God loves you! edited for typos

Upon checking with an atty, the myths that anything posted on the net is public domain is a myth. Hereby, as of this posting All posts of mine are hereby property of this author who goes by a pen name of Dot Matrix All rights reserved by the author and are not to be used in part or in full on any other site on the intranet, used in an e-mail, or written in any form. Author reserves the right ethically, morally and exclusively. No part or whole of this work shall be reproduced without express written authenticated permission of the author. All writings of this author are not given to Public Domain. Any violation can or will be prosecuted. As of July 12th, 2004 this has been written public notification http://www.templetons.com/brad/copymyths.html this has been written in light of all of posts going to another site and being discussed, ridiculed, questioned and/or demeaned. (Even people's heart felt need for help/prayer has been found on other sites and has been maligned)

I will be deleting my posts as Refiner has posted them all over the JW site and has strangers bashing me. God Bless all of you with whom I have shared my life. I love you. And May Refiner find the love of God in his lifetime. And to those over there who do not know me, I wish you no harm I was living my heart at a place where I have been for 5 years. The site was for XTWI or current TWI and friends or family. Refiner had no connection to be there and it appears his soul intention was to stir things up. Especially as I find his thread called “I've done it Again” Well, you did. You stirred me from a quiet stand to a strong desire to stand up and be counted for Christ. And while you sent messages to me that you changed the title and if only you could go back a week you would not have wanted to cause me pain—you then run to your site and call me names and laugh at my heart. Again, I question your intentions. To me, you are like a political candidate saying what needs to be said to gain support and meaning very little of the good things. I do question your intentions. That is not rare as Lollyp*** was questioned, a girl dating an innie was questioned and some even wondered if poor R*Y was Way KGB. Have a nice fulfilled life visiting x-cults, you have nothing to do with, to fill the hole in your heart left by your rejection of Christ. I will keep you in my prayers that you find his love in your life. Perhaps someday when you feel his love for you, you will post a thread called "Why I believe Jesus is the Christ" Or at least live peacefully having joy in your heart. http://www.jehovahswitnessonline.com/viewt...der=asc&start=0

Someone, actually 17 people e-mailed me to respond

All rights reserved by the author and are not to be used in part or in full on any other site on the intranet, used in an e-mail, or written in paper form. I reserve the right ethically, morally and exclusively. No part or whole of this work shall be reproduced without express written authenticated permission of the author. All writings of this author are NOT given to Public Domain. Any violation can be prosecuted. "Questioning" is one thing "WHY I REJECT CHRIST" is another. (The thread that had that as its Title is what I am speaking of) It is a declaration! So, I am making a declaration. I do not know how to explain what I am feeling and I am hoping that my being able to articulate it here. In life, there has been one unshakable constant with me and that has been God. And believe me I, like you, had many reasons to stop believing. TWI being just one of those faith shaking occurrences. But on this journey there are times when we reach a crossroads where one either continues to believe or stops and goes the other way. I believe I have reached those crossroads where I either stand up and am a Christian or I fail as a friend to Jesus Christ. In the past, one of those occasions for me, was I went to work at a new job about 2 years ago. The woman who had been there for 10 years was a practicing witch and she told me that, “if you cross me you will be sorry. People that cross me wind up in accidents and worse. I am a powerful witch” I told her, “I am not afraid of you. I am a Christian and my GOD is more powerful that yours. Anything you try to do to me will come to naught or happen to you instead.” It was my first day and my senses demanded I let it go but the internal spirit demanded I stop it right here and right now. I am at one of those crossroads again. God has done so many miracles for me this year: my hand getting healed on the lips of a prayer spoken by a man in Greece, my father’s recovery from 3 surgeries in 3 weeks has been such a gift from God that I remain thankful each day. But when I saw the thread titled “Why I reject Christ” I was faced with another personal crossroads. It may not be your “crossroads” so my indignation may seem stupid, dramatic and uncalled for, but for me it is one of those times that if I do nothing it will affect my relationship with God. I will feel like a traitor and at the very least not a “good” friend to Jesus who has been “a friend to me”. It is the "title" more than the following words posted that absolutely boils my blood and saddens me. But it is the "title" that exposes "true self". It was due to that, I went back and read the posts written by Refiner. Many posts are compliments to certain posters winning their hearts and getting their endorsements...but to me there is flavor in it, a flavor which leads to "WHY I REJECT CHRIST" To me, it seems very persuasive to people still on the fence deciding if they want to believe or want to just give it up. Limping in here looking for one shred of God's love they have been greeted by the words "WHY I REJECT CHRIST" Now, I know we have all sorts of different degrees of believing in God here. People who have stopped all together, some have gone back to traditional churches, some still avoid conventional churches and their only fellowship is this forum, etc. The folks who have given up – I do not agree with them but I understand. This site has been about our trip through TWI and finding ourselves. Telling others what we now face, or what we now believe is all part of it. But now we have other cults coming in and posts a blaring “WHY I REJECT CHRIST” I find it SO offensive I cannot even breathe. Why would a person come from another cult and post “WHY I REJECT CHRIST”. If he came here inviting us to a different church or cult we would have jumped all over him…. But the rejection of Christ thread is even supported by the few Christians I see -- after all it is not offensive it is America. This kills me. I know many of you will say I am making too much of it. Let us embrace all x-cult members etc. And maybe that is the correct way for you to feel about it. But for me it is one of those crossroads where I am in need of making a decision. Stay and embrace things like “WHY I REJECT CHRIST” because this is America…. Or just say enough is enough. I will not sit back and support this or feign understanding. I listen to Oakspear, Lindy and Mosh and I know they are here to find out the truths about TWI and contribute to the recovery. I am not happy that they no longer believe because it hurts me for them. It hurts me to think TWI pained them so badly that they do not even believe in God -- or no longer feel they know him personally (agnostic). But because they were TWI – they had a reason to be here and share their hearts. (I care for these people greatly dispite our different beliefs) But if we are going to attract people from other cults and have to have “Why I reject CHRIST” as a thread... I just cannot handle it. IT will effect my “walk” with Jesus. It does bother me immensely. And I feel like a traitor. I cannot continue to go to God in prayer and look for answers in my life while visiting a site which has “WHY REJECT CHRIST” from a guy who isn’t even TWI. I wish I could explain it better…. Once, while I worked at Taco Bell HQS. I had a good paying career going. One day my boss sneezed and I said, “God bless you.” He called me in his office and reamed me up and down to NEVER say that again. He said he did not believe in God and he was offended by my saying, “God bless you.” And it set us on a very bad relationship path. I just took it. The job was good and had a nice paycheck. I always felt badly that I did not tell him, I respect your wishes but you cross the line when you begin to bash my God. But I didn’t. Ya know, the paycheck and all…. Well, that job came and went but my reaction to his outburst has bothered me for 12 years. I did not stand up for my beliefs or for a God who loved me. Even if it was just like I mentioned, “I respect your wishes but you cross the line when you begin to bash my God. So, please respect me enough to not refer to him as a nonexistent concept invented by man to learn how to live with themselves…” Our crossroads come to us at different ways and at different times. You may not see it as such or may even think I am being anal. I only let you all know this as I am taking a break and do not know how long it will last. Because this is a crossroads for me. What I have seen is people who did believe who constantly indulge the "Christ rejecters" become rejecters themselves. I am at the point that GS has helped me grow but now (like when it was time to leave TWI) I need to go. I am LOA. But if I involve myself with a group where "WHY I REJECT CHRIST" does not offend the majority of them -- then I am no longer in the right place. BTW, I had written my response to Refiner and my sister called before I could explain myself better. Then, I thought the hell with it, I will just ignore this thread and deleted my post. It was on the board for about 4 to 8 minutes and caused such a raucous. After deleting it, I just got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach like when VP was naked in the coach and instead of leaving the ministry I stayed. I hated the fact that I discovered VP was a fraud that day -- but instead of leaving -- I stayed. In a very real way, "I" began to live a fraudulant life that day. For me, to see "Why I REJECT CHRIST" each time I logged in and say nothing about it made me a phoney. A fraud. Dirty. Willing to have Jesus heal me (my hand) but unwilling to defend him as the Christ. I can pray to him for my father's health and yet sit and stare at "WHY I REJECT CHRIST" without a peep from me -- This was an event that made me have to face I either believe and and stand for Christ or I am nothing but a "frightened to stand up for my beliefs" --FRAUD. A fraud. I talk big when I want Jesus to help me but I am no where to be found when he needed me. I will not return his friendship with my disloyal, quiet, ignoring-of-the-offense it is to me. So, I stay and argue or I walk away. I was trying to do the first but I could not explain the "soul crushing" that thread title did to me, so I am leaving. Just like that day in the coach. I told VPW "NO" but I should have left... I thought, "but I will miss my friends.... If I just ignore it -- things will be okay... It will get better.... I can fix it..." So, I stayed. And a darkness entered my heart and brain and the consessions I made killed me. GS has helped me get my footing and I am SO thankful for all of you here (the past what 5 years?) but it will not be at the expense of my true-self. I will not do that again, like I did that day on the coach. I just can't. It IS that big of a deal to me. So, it is America and he can post and I can leave. Today may not be your day of crossroads. This incident may seem small to you. It is okay. I am not trying to rally people to do what I do. It is a personal thing, a personal day in the battle, where if I want to have God in my life -- today is a day that "I" have to speak up. And I have to recognize I need a break from here. I do not know if I will be back except to the prayer threads. Thanks to so many of you for your love and support, for your prayers with me at times I needed "the family of God" I am so sorry we were hurt in that God-awful TWI, but as I shared on ala's thread I believe God was real and we experienced two ministries. We tasted the real thing. The posion came later from VPW. Special love to many of you I have given my e-mail. And a special thanks to Kit Sober who has been a torch of light to so many people who looked for light in the dark abyss in which they found themselves. She has been a pillar of love and faith. May God bless all of you. I pray that God heal you and you feel his love again. Dot P.S. Rottie take good care of Nico. And Thank you Paw. I was asked to return and include this, so I have. this is what I meant by my hand miracle. My Miracle I became a dog groomer, after being laid off from my paralegal position, in an effort to have a vocation where I could hang a shingle and float my own boat. One day, I saw two foreign bodies, which turned out to be dog hairs that had flown into my hand with the high velocity of the dog clippers. I was able to remove the dog hairs with tweezers and thought that would be the end of it. I remember doing an extremely filthy dog who had twigs and gum stuck in his horrific mats. Lord knows what other rubble was in there! (and there was more) My hand blew up to the size of an oven-mitt and an abscess sprung up between my ring and middle finger. The infection left with antibiotics but returned when I finished the prescription. This went on EIGHT times. I have been to SIX Doctors and nobody diagnosed me. An alert dermatologist went in through the area of the abscess and saw a small piece of glass. She was afraid to remove it, as she was concerned about the nerves in my hand so she sent me to a specialist. After x-rays and MRI’s nothing was showing up so the specialist refused to go into my hand to remove the glass, he said it was not there. I begged him to call the dermatologist, but he said he had no reason to call. He put my swelling hand into a cast and sent me home. He thought it would prevent me from banging it and causing more trauma. Instead, my hand continued to swell inside the cast. I called his office and they told me to go to the emergency room and have it removed, however, I could not validate if my insurance would cover the cost, so I used a dremmel and removed it myself. The abscess returned along with red inflamed tissue around the area. I went to the pharmacist and pathetically asked her, “Will you help me?” She had me put draw out salve on the point of entry and it did draw out the glass. However, my hand continued to swell resembling a catcher’s mitt and a new abscess would appear over and over. It would go down from the anti biotics then back up a couple days after I finished the drugs. I could not bend my fingers, I could not work for weeks and I was frightened. The inability to work caused us great financial problems, as I am a contractor with no “sick pay” therefore, we had to absorb the lack of a paychecks. This, along with my husband’s problem almost pushed us onto the street. I just kept remembering, “I was young and now I am old but I have never seen his seed forsaken or begging bread. I went to different Doctors, the emergency room; all to no avail. They would give me antibiotics and as I finished them the infection, immobility, swelling and abscess returned. Over several (about 6-9) months -- EIGHT TIMES. I met a fellow groomer on-line who was instrumental in my diagnoses. She posted what had happened to her, which was remarkably similar to my plight. I contacted my Doctors. I told them I thought I had a rare condition called “Barber hand” and there was still a hair stuck inside my hand. The specialist and the dermatologist phoned me to agree with my self-diagnoses, that I did have Barber hand. However, the specialist refused to go into my hand because the hair did not show up on any tests. Even though the radiologist said a hair WOULD NOT SHOW UP, the specialist insisted it would. So, there I was. I knew I had an additional dog hair stuck down in my hand but nobody would help me and my hand was not functioning. I went back to the Dermatologist who again cut into my hand and went deeper this time, as the hand surgeon would not. So, the Dermatologist went in as deep as she dared but did not find a hair. As I said the condition is called “Barber Hand” it is rare but in the medical books and I was at a loss until God intervened. One day, I am on the computer in a forum talking about miracles, prayer and BG Leonard’s classes. I e-mailed the man and ask him to pray for me. In his response he asked for my phone number. This total stranger calls me, on his dime, and we talk about God’s goodness for sometime. Then, he prays for me. I had only revealed to this gentleman that I had a hand infection. A HAND INFECTION. As he prayed he said, “I see something in your hand that looks like a fish hook.” He got quiet. “But it is not a hook, it is a ummmmm a hair. It is a hair stuck in your hand. Your hand is swelling up because it is trying to flood the area and push the hair out. But the hair is bent, barbed and stuck. It is between your ring finger and middle finger and way down in the back of your hand. Lord God we ask for your healing power in the name of your wonderful son Jesus...” A cozy tepid activity touched my hand as he prayed for the hair to dislodge and move up out of my hand. He said, “Your hand will swell again tonight, but do not fear it will move the hair up.” Guess where this guy was calling me from? Thessalonica Greece. This stranger called me and prayed for my hand and as he stated it swelled that evening pushing out the hair and it never swelled again. I was healed! God’s love is huge and I praise his holy name!

Lindy PT

Refiner, how dare you come here and tell me I want to remain coddled -- The title of the thread for one WHY I REJECT CHRIST -- And yes I have read your posts -- and that is my impression. So, welcome to the Spot...

Raf You crack me up!

No, the movie - music forum

This should be in the music section

Speaking of Michelle Piefer... Kidding... :)-->

Raf Thanks I was there and it was cool but I had trouble posting. Then I had trouble with me email to write you about it. I will try again. Love to you.

Think what you want you all, I will think what I want.