Dot Matrix

He has been great and he said I never posted any of his good stuff and it dawned on me, I didn't. I had vented, and searched but never shared all the amazing things that attracted me to begin with. He is very smart, resourceful, funny and lively. He is the life of a party. And when he enters a room he has "presence". The "it" factor that has people turn around and notice him. At a neighbors Christmas party one year, he began talking and it was like the E. F. Hutt0n commercials- where everyone stopped and listened.... he was so funny. Our neighbor smokes and is older so, in years past, husband would go over and mow his lawn for him, never expecting any money or a thank you. And when we first met we were all broke working at a job. This one girl kept saying she was starving.... When the breakfast mobile came, he took his last bit of change and bought her breakfast, instead of himself. When he sees older people he always tries to make them feel comfortable, especially if they are handicapped. One day, in a store, a woman in a wheel chair came around the corner and husband told her, "Okay there Mario, you have the right of way!!" They woman beamed from ear to ear. When he was a big manager it was common that they did not talk to people beneath them... Not husband, he passed this man who would be on his knees doing the floor each morning (working hard). Husband went over to him and shook his hand and asked his name... Then, every morning husband would say "good morning" to the fellow using his name. Well, husband's office was the cleanest office in the place!!!! Husband shines when he is among people. He does his best when he has a group of people to lead and in years past, he made the kind of boss you would have enjoyed working for.... If you did a good job and he knew your kid played ball -- he's let you go an hour early to catch the game. This kind of boss made people work harder and better! When he was working, he was one of the "shiny" people. He thrives on leadership and was a fair and kind one in a cold corporate world. There are MANY things I am proud of....

Thank you

Please gser's do not try and comfort me by writing anything negative about him, I just want to let this sit here the way it is, thanks. There were negative things about both of us. I just don't know how it all becomes unfixable. Husband, you taught me many things; You taught me to be resourceful, to look at the second page of the newspaper and never just the headline, to follow the money, that we really can do anything we set our minds to do, that the stock market it a carnival enticing the unlearned out of their money by tricks and manipulation (invest wisely), to not get personal at work, to change the oil in my car every 3000 miles, and to get the trash out on Monday mornings. You made the best omelets I have ever eaten. I have enjoyed starting my day with Joyce Meyer (God stuff that is made fun) with you for the past umpteen years… Thank you for fresh coffee, waxing my car, mowing the lawn, painting the house, having fun movies ready for the weekends and all the neat stuff you have done in years gone by. Husband, for anything I ever did to hurt you, I am sorry. Somehow life became bigger than I could manage and I let it defeat me and us and for my part in that I am sorry. And for your part in that, I forgive you. I release this to God and may he somehow direct and guide us to know him better so we never hurt another person or get hurt like this again.

Life is made up of many stories and I suppose I am to post about TWI here. But today I do not feel like it. I want to post another story of my life. Once upon a time, a tall guy asked me to go out with him and I really did not want to go. I had just gotten out of a relationship and I was not interested in getting into something. But he persisted and I caved. And our first date was on a carousel in California. And as the horses went up and down I found this guy was a lot of fun. Next, we went to the tide pools and looked at all the little creatures as the tide pulled back and left them struggling in the puddles cupped out of sand. We had a great day of fun and adventure. This man was multifaceted and appeared to be able to accomplish anything. He was an expert pool player, bowler, basketball player, swimmer, racket ball player and could do just about anything sports oriented. He was impressive. He was full of life and personality. He was more than I could handle. I was more of a homebody (and just got out of the "corps cult"). I like to write, draw, sing, craft screen plays and read books. But as they say “Opposites attract.” He said, from the first time he saw me, that he was going to marry me, and eventually that is what happened. The things we had in common were the deeper things. Our politics, our generosity, love for animals and we prayed together. We also loved to go to the movies, the beach, have Sunday mornings in bed and we both loved to laugh. Then, I am not sure what happened. I guess the pressures of life. Job layoffs, stuff, bills piling up, stress…. I am not sure what made the mess, I just know one day it was there between us and I did not know how to scale it, so that we could find one another again. I wanted him to love me and I am sure he felt the same way, but it was almost too painful to say out loud. Where did this chasm come from? And where did the conversation and laughter go? I missed him. And he was sitting next to me. Isn’t that sad? Now we are weeks from the divorce being over And I do not know what happened. And yet, if I slow it down like watching a movie of a car accident frame by frame – I can see it but I am not sure how we would have stopped it. He is helping me get the house in order as he knows I am at an age where I cannot take a financial hit and survive. He has done a beautiful job. But to see him in the house with his tall frame and broad shoulders in the doorway – my mind snaps pictures as if each thing I am seeing is the last time I shall see it. I am sad and broken hearted about this. I just wish that years ago, I had the magic words to reach through all this and fix it. Many a man would have just said “it is over” and left, not caring where it left me, but he has a sense of obligation that is compelling and it is that strength I shall cry for – years from now. I will wonder why I did not find love when I think I had it, but just did not know how to keep it. Love isn’t Hollywood magic. It is two people, complex with feelings and needs trying to make a life with each other and some fail while others make it. We did not have A song we had a music medley of life. I can look at different stages we lived through these past twenty years and hear us singing different songs at different times. When we moved we sang Blind Melons song about rain the whole drive. Each Christmas we sang “Oh the, weather outside is frightful….” And when we dance I hear that old song “Roll with me baby….” Cause I watched him dance, as if he were a professional, to it one night in San Diego. Then, there is the theme song of our first year together, “Now, I’m having the time of my life…. And I owe it all to you….” And yes, husband, endings are bad… that is why they end. But in the beginning, I was having the time of my life and I do/did owe it all to you…. Good bye, I wish you happiness I miss you

I do not know Came across this while trying to understand the why and the how of this horrible disease. There is a guy in Canada who came up with something natural (unrelated to the above ARTICLE) http://www.encognitive.com/bipolar/bipolar...007-dec-06.html

Found this interesting I hope I can post it or go to you tube and put in Why Does Bipolar Disorder Happen

God bless you Jeff

no kidding..... What is wrong with people?

Ahhh such sad stories Today, a guy called and asked me how much it would cost to euthanize his cat. "Ahh, are you a client?" "No" "What is wrong, is she sickly or older?" "No, it is a he and my brother is allergic and is spending more and more time at my house so I was going to put the cat down." "We do not euthanize healthy pets. Why don't you find him a home?" He said, "Well, he is a really cool cat and I love him very much. He is three years old and even people who do not like cats like him." "Well, what have you tried so far? I will help you." "You are the first call I made," he said. "So, he is a great cat - you love madly, and your first course of action is to call me - to have him killed. Does that make sense to you? You need to call the rescues, put him on Criag's list (asking for references) you need to TRY for God's sake." Geez...... The client in the lobby said, "Why doesn't he just euthanize his brother."

How Could You? When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?"-- but then you'd relent and roll me over for a belly rub. My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights ofnuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day. Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a prisoner of love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur andpulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf. Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family. I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed, "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?" They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?" Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself --a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her. It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty. ---------------------------- A Note from the Author: ---------------------------- If "How Could You?" brought tears to your eyes as you read it, as it did to mine as I wrote it, it is because it is the composite story of the millions of formerly "owned" pets who die each year in American and Canadian animal shelters. Anyone is welcome to distribute the essay for a noncommercial purpose, as long as it is properly attributed with the copyright notice. Please use it to help educate, on your websites, in newsletters, on animal shelter and vet office bulletin boards. Tell the public that the decision to add a pet to the family is an important one for life, that animals deserve our love and sensible care, that finding another appropriate home for your animal is your responsibility and any local humane society or animal welfare league can offer you good advice, and that all life is precious. Please do your part to stop the killing, and encourage all spay and neuter campaigns in order to prevent unwanted animals. Jim Willis the story. I looked for his symbol and missed it here is his site, to give him credit http://www.save-haven.org/dogpoem.htm

On January 3rd I got a book in the mail from Prevent1on magazine stating I requested it. I NEVER requested a book from R0d@le Press. It also said that I had been subscribing to PREVENT!ON magazine, which I did not ask to receive, nor did I sign anything, nor was I sent it as a gift. I tried to return the book but there was NO prepaid label, no phone number no way to return it. There was a letter telling me I had 21 days to enjoy it and they would remind me that I had to return it or pay for it later on. This letter was signed by Chr1s Cunningh@m Managing Editor R0d@le books. The address provided was Emmaus, PA I had to call information and got a phone number, which was a series of buttons to push and no people to answer the phone. FINALLY, I got a guy named C@rols operator #xxxx to answer the phone and told him I did NOT order the magazine, nor did I want this book. He told me it was sent as a “non-response” promotion. They sent out letters offering the magazine and the book and if I did not tell them “no” then they took it as a “yes”. They said it was my responsibility to respond by saying “no.” Fortunately, after working in law offices we knew there was a law against that practice years ago, when that scam was used against the elderly. We told C@rlos we would not be paying and it was illegal and we would be reporting them. We then looked it up on line and this scam is being run with Prevent1on m@gazine by a collection agency who then sent me a letter on January 5th (A Saturday) informing me I had until the 9th to pay for Prevent1on m@gazine or they would send me to collections. They wanted me to call with my Credit card number. (I do not know if they are aware of it or they are being used) This letter was also sent out by Chr1s Cunningh@m, but this time his title is “Customer Service Manager”, and he wants me to pay on line at www.PREVENT1ON.com If you do a quick search you will see under “Prevent1on” they are apparently aligned with a collection agency and are doing this all over the country. “Prevent10n Magazine And North Shore @gency Negative billing scam” is one title on the net If Prevent10n M@g@zine has resorted to such tactics it is a crying shame as it used to be reputable and worth reading. I have reported them I post this to beware

Hey kitty kitty! Love you lots! Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to a wonderful woman!!!!

Thanks Dan, Rachel, Jeff, Masterherbalsit and all .... Let's keep going...

Finally Interesting Kinda what I think Son is saying, that it is a daily thing, a lifestyle, not something you go to the closet and dust off the armor on a bad day... interesting Yeah, Cman the quench did catch my attention. Does not say "stop or prevent". It says "quentch..." Son of the master any insight? I am seeing more from the Bible as a whole "teacher" than just looking "at Eph" as to how the was a battle is to be won (in the sense of only here is the great key on what to do, when it has been a telling and retelligng through out ). Perhaps, my misunderstanding and missing the word FINALLY has been key to my confusion

reading,reading and reading this Still not really clear. I will read it again. And again Looked at tha panoply not sure I get that either (in light of Eph 6) Read all your references What are you saying? I am not sure at this point I understand the Bible at all... Honestly I know God loves me I understand prayer Right now, nothing else. Deep breath.... The law of believeing? crap Okay, I believe. so that does not force God to do anything or we do not have a loving God - we have robo-God The needs and wants Parallel? All sheet. I mean who can really ever get them exactly Parallel anyway? I mean, I can think I need this house, but I really want a bigger one... ya know... or even parallel with the word - ya know? I need to be healed, God says he heals therefore I will be healed. Is it that simple or is that back to formulas? So, now, I have a "Satan mouth," in my path, telling me evil EVERYDAY, horrible evil things which are obviously the ministry of satan as they fall under "steal kill and destroy...." I KNOW it is spiritual... I go to the armor and I am looking at it and have no idea what to do next. Okay it is kinda a suit - cman - like an invisable suit of protection, that is cool and I get it. I speak it into existance with the words of the word- cool I can do that.... Son, now what, how do I walk into battle and win - I ask for wisdom, revelation and knowledge. perhaps in my calm doodle a fish on the ground while I wait for instructions? Okay I get that..... I can do that. Making sense..... The battle is the Lord's so therefore the win is his also... (But what does any of that have to do with how EPH tells us to put on the armor because we do not fight a flesh and blood blood battle? I understand what you are saying and totally get it. But is that in the ever important chapter 6? OR am I taking in the whole picture of winning from the whold play book of rules?) Is eph. just a little bit of it. This is why I do not read as I ought, I think I still have some TWI crap that blocks the brain cells Okay, I get the standing my ground. I think. So, suppose someone heard that suicide is much easier and who would miss you anyway? I can say what, "my work is not done, Jesus will guide me home not you!" I hold onto that which God has given me and refuse to back off, back up or give up any of the power God has given me? is htat it?

Thanks Cman I will look into that Masterherbalist my old pal - how are you my heart and gal? I will absorb yours as well Thanks Jeff for your responses I sopke with Son if the Master and he had some ceel stuff to share as well Let me take all this in. From what I am getting, it is a lifestyle. Not when the evil day comes, something you go to the closet and blow the dust off of, but things you have been groomed and mentored in by God so that he can walk you through it. Just like our words are our weapons the devils Words are his weapons and the trick is not to let him clobber us with his words.... That is where I am so far...

Thanks to all of you for contributing I am in a heck of a battle right now. And I know it is wrestling against principalities, so I got out the book - the manual on how to win. And I do not get it. All these years and I still just never really got it. Funny but everyone I called and we did Eph in the corps never got it either I will call you, son I want to know. God thinks it is important, it is the way to win and I want to do it God's way.

will call you Husband on the phone I will call when I can

truth So if my loins - my center, my guts carry the truth - that will help me stand in the evil day righteousness the preparation of the gospel of peace the shield of faith - I get the faith thing helmet of salvation the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God - the combatant is the word of God "it is written, or even speaing in tongues" I can see how knowig the word ahead of time and speaking in tongues as routine will help when the evil day comes Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints They all work together and can be seen clearly set apart to better understand this panoply. And that we may Speak to make known the mystery of the gospel.

11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. 13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; 15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I have been reading and rereading this. Now suppose the "evil"day has come to you. It is your "evil" day. Whatever it is. It is a crisis. Perhaps You are at the end of a gun at a home invasion Perhaps you find yourself married to someone who beats you and you cannot leave Or your loved one has a disease and you cannot afford to get them the care they need Or an evil person at work is setting you up to be fired so they can have your job. It is the "evil" day. You need to put on the whole armor of God. Cause we cannot fight these battles as if we fight flesh and blood battles. So, how do we practically apply these verses? I understand the sheild of faith, I get that. I get when the doubts come that I hold up my faith and I continue to believe the Bible, with my faith in God, I do not believe the lies of the circumstances. How does the rest of this work? How do you utilize the armor? I know where a helmet goes. So, I claim that I am "saved" I have salvation that I am already heaven bound when the "evil" day arrives? Please how do you personally use the armor? How do you fight in this realm with this armor? And the LCM version of it being sports like -- was that just for him to be able to dance or is that real? Cause that makes less sense to me. Anyone?

wow.... WD you have been making me cry...

Merry Christmas Paw!

Well, this made me cry like a baby....

That pic really took me back.... To the reason I have to see someone....