Dot Matrix

Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear pirate1974 Happy Birthday to you.... Dot Matrix

Seth Have you tried Efforx? It is in a different class then Prosac and others and may work for you. I know Zix wrote about it and it was not good for him. I think he said he got dizzy. But I know others have used it successfully. At least you know you are a manic depressive so you know you are in a cycle. That is a big deal -- to know the problem and recognize you are in a cycle. You will be alright. Your mind is saying what? I am no good, I can not do anything right, nobody cares... Things like that? Stop the cycle by answering each question without an always or never. For instance -- I am no good. Of course that is not true. You have done many good things in your life. You have prayed for others, you have shared God with others -- So it is not that YOU are no good -- But the situation you are in is not good (right now). I can't do anything right -- That is not true. Have you ever made someone smile? Did you ever share a great story that made others laugh? Your creative web sites are very nice. Nobody cares- that can not be true. I am sure that people you interact with do care. They may not beable to change things for you but they care. Look at all the responses you have gotten on your post... People care and are praying for you. Answer your defeating statements with TRUTH. It can stop you from cycling. I worked in a pysc ward for awhile and bipolars could cycle in a matter of weeks and sometimes a matter of 15 minutes. Realize it is a cycle and take charge of the cycle with the truth. Love - (((Seth))) Dot Matrix

Thanks Adios, Ex and Gtea- Seth I hope things are better for you! You are in my prayers Dot Matrix

Seth: I do not know if this post of mine will be a depressing post, a helpful post, or one of sympathy but I promise it will be one of honesty. Seth when one tells you to keep your chin up, your chin may feel so heavy you don?t think you can even lift it. But there is a lot of truth in trying to keep your chin up and look for the positives. This forced "move" may open up wonderful doors for a bright future. But I do know where you are right now. My dark cloud sometimes is so bleak I can only hope to sleep all the time to escape it. To actually make it to the mailbox and back has been an exercise in using all my energy. Nobody understood and kept telling me "Ya gotta do this... Ya gotta do that..." Like one friend thought taking me to "happy hour" would be magic. I found myself in the midst of all those people and felt alone and uninterested. My family was so horrible with their suggestions, I stopped opening their letters or taking most of their phone calls. At one point, my X had taken my money, that same week I was punched in the eye at work by the bosses son-in-law and fired. And I needed a new place to live as I left my X. I asked my Father for help and he sent me a card which said "hang in there." Now, that may have been great words from some of my loving friends, but this was my Dad and my world collapsed and he sent a $.99 card telling me to "hang in there" and I was about to be divorced,jobless and homeless. And there was that personal dark cloud looming, waiting and watching. I had gone into the abyss and is slippery sides forbade my escape. My darkness was like a vortex I would be sucked into and could not find my way back. Worse, I did not know what caused it to appear or what caused it to leave. I could not bring it up while involved with TWI because they just made it spiritual and that would depress me further. After I left TWI, which caused some depression "lost time, career lapse, etc." I was still afraid to admit I was severely depressed because I was still in fear if I admitted it, somehow it gave the devil the edge and I could not get help because it was a battle with a spirit. I needed professional help which TWI had build in me distain towards those kinds of professionals, how could a psychologist get rid of a devil spirit? Finally, one day I asked God to please help me. "Please show me how and why this happened?" Shortly after, my sister called and was speaking of her son. I told her, "Well at least it was not like the bad boys in the woods." She said why do you always say that? And I did not know. I recalled these boys scared my friend and me and they were mutilating animals. She said what happened before that? Well, I got to be alone and I told God I was ready and to show me. And it was like a walk back in time. Those rotten boys had molested me and my little 5-year-old girl friend Karen. My knowledge of sex was null and I did not understand what had happened. I remember being mad that they put Elmer?s glue on me as I had no other comparisons. I was shocked and realized that incident had held me captive my whole life. I went to a rape counselor and it has been "work". The sad news is my choices in life placed me out there in the world as "prey" to any sexual predator. And they came in the form of bosses, dates and ministers. Things continued to happen to me that would harm me in that area because I had this open door I was unaware I even had. I did need some meds to help me recover from the emotional spiral. I also thrived by being able to talk to a professional (after and during many long talks with God). Sometimes it is something we can inherit. Sometimes it is what happened to us. Chemical imbalance all kinds of things. But I ask do you have any pictures that flash through your brain? Reoccurring dreams? When you watch certain things on TV or read a particular thing in a book do you get a weird feeling? There is a great book called "Freeing the Mind from Memories that Bind" by Littauer. (Christian book) which can help you get to a root of this. But as others have stated take your meds, try and keep your chin up and exercise and eat healthily. I would like to add to that list, ask God to direct you to the root cause, whatever your root cause -- he knows it. I still battle the cloud but at least I know its origin. God bless you! Dot Matrix

Something that helped me with the whys was a thread on the old Grease Spot. "was VP Good then become evil" Or was TWI good then become evil I forget the title, but it helped me see how I was baited. The fact that VP stole the calss from BG Leonard helped me with some of my endless why's and how's. Anyone out there that can post the thread here? It may help Cathy and Mj the way the information helped me! It was a thread written very close to when the move took place. Thank you. Paw do you have access? Thanks BTW, I wrote a light hearted response some opposite of the Way stuff. I am sure you read it light heartedly. But because we came out of a control freak cult -- I am clarifying you know I am not speaking in edicts like "Go get a dog" I was merely rattling off somethings you probably have been unable to do and now IF YOU WANT TO you have the freedom to do. I can not tell you how weird it was for me when I first wasted some time. I was almost antsy. The freedom yet wierd guilt I had when I spend a little money wrecklessly. I did get pets and it was a wonderful step in healing and has been a great reward! So, enjoy yourself. Splurge on yourself with things you want in your life. God Bless. Dot Matrix [This message was edited by Dot Matrix on August 11, 2002 at 19:53.]

Ex wrote: what does CFF stand for ? "Can't Forget Father" ? You are FUNNTY! Did you win that funny contest? I voted for you and nominated another. Robin: JAL told you there was no word or what outside of CES? I'd like to hear it. ________________ What a thread this has been. I agree with all of you about everything, I think.(except the insults) But mostly with Hope's posts. If some of you went to the CFF meeting and got blessed I am very happy for you! Those of you who do not understand why they seem to elevate VP, I find that disturbing as well. Kinda like saying the serial killer and sexual pervert "John Wayne Gacey" had some great paintings. He was talented and did some community projects for which he was respected. But he was a killer. Where does that leave his paintings? If you like his paintings enough to buy one and bring it into your HOME and your LIFE -- can you really seperate the painting from the artist? Can you compartmentalize his life by saying just because he killed young boys does not mean it is a bad painting? Afterall, he did do some great community projects... Well, I guess it is perception: what it means to you. I would look at the painting and see the hands that choked teenagers applying the paint to the canvas and not get past it. Others would see the struggle of a good man with evil and the painting reflected his good side. (I would be unable to see the good.) I would probably attend CFF myself if they did not value Dr. VP. I would respect them more if they were to give BG Leoneard the credit for the class and the research. If they are loyal and forgiving to VP because of what they heard in the PFAL series, then their loyality is misplaced, in my opinion, and they should give BG Leonard the credit he deserves. If and when they do that, I will go to one of their meetings. I can not get past their view of VP as I can not hang a painting done by John Wayne Gacey in my home. VP represents evil to me. To others, not so personally affected, he represents their introduction to the Bible. God Bless all of you. Dot Matrix [This message was edited by Dot Matrix on August 11, 2002 at 19:57.]

You wrote: Dot what a nice looking couple you and your hubby are..and what a family! LOL! I take it you're both dog lovers. Lets see, the black one, Cinder? Is that the name? Looks like a pomeranian? Tipper looks like A bichon, Rusty (good name) looks kind of like that Dreyfus dog on empty nest.. Baby looks like a poodle and Murphy looks kind of like a cocker mix, but maybe a pekinise(sp) or dangzu mix? Am I totally off? I'm not really up on dog breeds! Thanks, somehow I missed your questions! Cinders is a peke (badly bred), Murphy and Baby are peke's as well and Tipper is half Tibetian Spaniel and peke. Rusty is a Chow mix!!!! But the picture is not real clear as they kept moving. Jesse your kids SAT STILL for you? WOW! Great picture in the sled!!! Dot Matrix

Healing is a process. You lost old friends, you suffered indignities.... I have been out since POP was read. That has been 16 years ago and I am still healing. Do not be hard on yourself. Love yourself! Take long baths, waste some time by just sitting, watch a sitcom. Go talk to someone (a professional) if you feel inclined. I went through some very ALONE times. How do you met new people? What do you tell them? Can I share my love for God without bringing up the fact I was in a cult? I tried explaining the cult to regular people and that just had them M&A me as a weirdo at work or something. So, I stopped telling them anything. I still told people about a loving God but I had no place to invite people after I witnessed. When I made out my resume I did not know how to account for my time. I looked in the mirror and the teenager was gone and this older lady was there aching for the lost time. I wondered where I would have been in my career or financial status if not but for TWI. Then, I recognized I may have been worse off-- who knows. It is a lot of wondering and sorrow at first. There was nobody that understood how this state of limbo was affecting me. Until I found John Juedes site then this one. I found a bunch of people riding the wave of recovery just like me. You are not alone. Most of us have felt what you feel to some degree or another. It is okay. You will be up and down and in between. But it will get better. Go have a week just for you! Hair, make-up, get a dog, new shoes -- spend $100.00 wrecklessly. Listen to a non-Christian song you like. Or a wonderful Christian song! Love yourself! You are free!!!!!! You have much to offer. Dot Matrix

God, I love all your stories and your kids!!! Okay, weirdest pet was the alligator. I am sorry you lost him! I used to have a tiny one about 30 years ago. My Dad brought it up from Florida. The alligator did not live very long, however. Dot Matrix

WOW burgers! That was a blast from the past! Dot Matrix

Hopeful I LOVE Joyce Myer and watch her every morning at 8:30 am here in Atlanta. She teaches from a point of humaness I am so thankful for! She is coming to Atlana and we will probably go to hear her teach! Dot Matrix

Cute! For sure! On the CHANGED video he speaks of how he met his wife and his 5 kids -- So if I was going to lust for amoment -- that killed it. But he is CUTE! Dot Matrix

Zixar- I have a question. If a little Mercury is okay and a little methanoyl is okay and can be detoxed by the liver, and food dye is okay in moderation, preservatives can be dealt with along with pesticides in small amounts, etc. How does the body deal with ALL of these small amounts of toxins on a daily basis? Maybe if the body just dealt with Mercury or exhaust fumes -- but it deals with sooooo much. How does the body deal with these combinations? All of it adds up. Is it possible that my body is doing okay with all of this then BAM one more toxin just pushes it past its ability to detox? What do you think? Dot Matrix

CoryDJ: I love your post. It is going to be so helpful to people out there that allowed their belief in God to die with their belief in TWI. I love Micheal W. Smith and his video CHANGED just about kept me togther about 9 years ago. I was out of TWI for about 6 years, I guess, and I was telling God in the wee hours of the morning how alone I felt. I did not have a church, I had lost my TWI friends by choice or by the fact that I left and some stayed in. I missed hearing singing and I missed being with believers. I was still at a point 9 years ago that I wished TWI could recover. And low and behold Michael W Smith's video came on the TV. The Video CHANGED. I cried thru the whole thing. I loved the songs and the freedom whereby the danced around the stage. I was in a corps band and was actually yelled out for "moving". They were under the impression that by moving around you could "sexually" pull a whole audience out of fellowship (while the bast@rd$ were out having sex - go figure). On the CHANGED video Smith was junping and moving and dancing and having a blast!!! Plus the costumes were great and appealing to kids! It really blessed me to see this whole group of people loving God! I also love Point of Grace and Jars of Clay. My favorite is 4Him the song "Where there is Faith" It is such a deep God loving song it makes the hairs on my arms stand up. And yes, Christian music has come a long way! I give credit to those Christians who allowed their followers (bad word, but you know what I mean) to be creative. Dot Matrix

Hello oh knowledgeable admin-- I have no idea how to do this picture thing. I do not know what a webspace is, I tried to figure this out for close to 9 hours and am exasperated. I also tried to add it as an attachment and yes that was coming from my computer. I must admit this is beyond my abilities. Oh well! Thanks for trying to help me! Dot Matrix

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Dot Matrix

Ditto Anti-depressants are not going to be addictive or to have you out of control in your mind. It will help with manufacturing of certain chemicals that will aid in your ability to see things more clearly. Pot does not help one see more clearly, nor does acid or anything like that. It makes it difficult to function in life. How about an epileptic should he forego the use of anti-seizure medicine because it goes to correct brain activity? I do think your question is a very good one as well as well written, but if you are trying to say that an aspirin and pot would be the same in the eyes of God I have to disagree. I think medicinal drugs can be very Godly and perhaps the counterfeit would be the misuse or using of certain other drugs. Dot Matrix

Thanks I found a test area and tried things down there and they are also pending. Maybe Paw has to make sure I am not posting a giant breast or something questionable. Thanks Paw! Dot Matrix

Bear? I love the name, what kind of dog is it? Dot Matrix

Here is my family -- Tipper (2 yrs old), Rusty (9 yrs), Baby (15 yrs) and Murphy ( 5 yrs) our newest is in the picture above. Her name is Cinders (4 yrs), she is so dark I am always tripping over her at night. Rusty was a stray, Baby, Murphy and Cinders were from a rescue and Tipper was a puppy heading toward the pound. They all sleep in bed with us, I make them dog food and they mean more to us than any material thing we could possibly own. Dot Matrix [This message was edited by Dot Matrix on August 02, 2002 at 8:02.]

Rottie she is adorable. I am trying to put my kids in but I can not figure out how to get the picture in there. I hit image but it asks for htp How did you get your baby's picture in there? She's really beautiful! Dot Matrix

How about when they hear other dogs on TV? Oh my God!!! We watched this one movie that had a barking dog and they all sat up and started whining then barking. We had to put it on mute. MJ: I dunno about the cat and the mailman that is really weird, huh? Linda: Our dogs don't bark at the Ben Stein's ding. Wow, now that would be annoying. All the game shows? Does that ding sound like your door bell? Chatty Kathy: FUNNY! He would hear the whistle and respond to the smiley face guy! How funny! I worked with a girl whose Chow sings to different theme songs. He sings along with the Young and the Restless, the jingle tune to Cheers and several others. We didn't believe her so she taped it and he really sings along to those songs!!! Aren't pets the greatest? Dot Matrix