DocHoliday

Thanks! I sort of had the same feeling: if people had really been the way they presented themselves when I first started attending the Household, it would have been a great group! But it seemed that when they decided I was "hooked", the whip came down! And I mean it *really* came down. I remember think to myself "Do they really think I am going to stay around and get treated like this?" But I guess they did! It was just incredible how supposedly they wanted to "bring people to the Word", but ended up doing the opposite. From overhearing my HC's laments about not being able to keep people in the Houshold, I think my experience was not unique. Sometimes I have thought that I should have stayed longer and addressed some of their inconsistencies directly and not made thins easier for them by simply splitting, but I realize now that this would have been futile and even more unpleasant. Ha, I had forgotten about those little catchphrases! Barf is right:)

I feel the same way. I have always been interested in Biblical studies and enjoyed discussions about it. But I quickly learned that my Household did not encourage discussions, and in fact, they seemed very threatened by it. I'll never forget when the Branch Coordinator pulled me aside for a private discussion to "get to know more about [me]." I was enthusiastic describing the Biblical topics I was researching at that time, and he began looking distinctly uncomfortable. Finally he commented "It will be...ah.... interesting.... to see where you go with your knowledge." He and his wife had several of these private "disscussions" with me, and it was only in retrospect that I understood what was happening. When I left TWI it was sort of like being "unleashed" to study and discuss whatever I wanted to! It was great! But like you, I think if I had stayed n TWI longer it might have affected my interest negatively.

I was in TWI in 2000, and Homosexuality as Original Sin was a very big thing being taught in my Household. You were not supposed to be friends with gay people, because that was "condoning" homsexuality.

Wow. Sounds par for the course. In the Household that I was in, they kicked a guy out because his girlfriend moved in with him. Their logic was A) it was immoral, and B) he didn't discuss this with the Household Coordinator first. Meanwhile, the HC had another woman living with he and his wife, and was taking pains to hide this from the new people.

Thanks for your reply! I'm a bit older than that, but I had just gone back to grad school about that time. At one of my last couple of meetings, I also took a book with me to see if anyone noticed: I think it was one of Aleister Crowley's books! No one noticed. I was annoyed by the way everyone seemed to think they were so superior just because they had been in TWI for decades. But they never seemed to be able to respond to anything unless it was straight out of a TWI handbook, and they were certainly not very observant!

I think you're right: I think her parents and TWI leaders were obsessed with marrying her off to a TWI "bigwig" of some sort. In front of them she would say things like "If I get married, they have to be Way Corps." I also think they were uncomfortable with anyone who seemed to have any Biblical knowledge that came outside TWI. In the Household, no one had any higher education except for J and myself, they were truck drivers, hairdressers, etc, and there is nothing wrong with that, but I think they felt a bit threatened, and that's why the HC ranted that "no one understands a thing you say". I have always been very interested in Biblical history and I like to talk about it, but this seemed to tick them off in a major way. I guess everyone was supposed to just sit and listen to the HC reading the lesson plan!

Thanks for your comments! I didn't know about origins of "grease spot", that's a memorable quote! You brought up some very astute ssues. While the focus of my involvement with TWI was J_____, I did move on from her a long time ago. The only things I regret were not trying to keep an avenue of communication open, in view of the fac tthat she probably left TWI, but then again, with the solid front of her parents and TWI against it, this may not have been possible. In the end, I believed it was futile to stay and try to "save" her, no matter how badly I wanted to, and that the best thing was to remove myself from a bad situation. I believe you are correct, that it was the intense pressure that caused her to act like she did. She was living at home and her mother was very domineering and overbearing, and her Mom was a dominant figure of the Household as well. I would like to belive that J____ knew that was was happening was wrong, but she A) felt powerless to do anything and B) was conflicted by a desire to "do God's Will" and obey the Way. I wonder how many other people had this same conflict... If it had been me, though, I think I would have approached me at the Dance club and said something like "I just want to say that I'm very sorry about what happened. I just don't feel like I can go against TWI and my parents." But I know that not everyone has the presence of mind or the courage to do this. Though I was hurt and angry at her for a long time, now I feel that she as basically a good person who just didn't know how to deal with the pressure. In retrospect, the dyamics of this Household were truly fascinating. On one hand, they were supposedly trying to "bring the truth" to others. But in reality, it was more of a social clique, where maintaining the status quo of the relationships in the Household was actually what took precedence. Much of what they did flew in the face of what they preached. I am still amazed at how the HC said, on one hand, let me know everything about your life, but then raved that I was wasting his time. They operated with classic "cult" techniques. Lovebomb, then try to separate the target from "nonbelievers", and make TWI the focus of their lives. But in my case, their desire to stifle anything between she and I superceded everything else. (My gut feeling was that they desperately wanted her to marry "up" in TWI.) Their methods appeared to be something they were taught by rote, but they did not really understand. When their simplistic approach of "lovebomb 'em" then "tear 'em down" did not work with me, they seemed unable to comprehend that it was failing or to switch tactics. TWI was not as effective as they seem to believe, or it could be that I was simply an atypical case.

I only attending my TWI Household for about six months, but it was enough to last a lifetime! Indeed, it was six months too long. It started when I met a very nice girl named J____ at a dance club. Sparks seemed to fly, and she gave me her email and phone number. For three months we emailed continually and spoke on the telephone. She was living at home while going to grad school. I could tell she was nervous about something, but I chalked it up to the usual nervousness about meeting someone new. She never mentioned TWI. We shared many of the same interests and opinions. Finally, we had our first date. It was wonderful. After a movie and dinner, I held her while we looked up at a full moon. She said that she was in TWI, but told me that she didn't care if I attended or not. I kissed her goodnight and we promised to get together again soon. The next day she called me and asked me over for dinner to meet her parents. "You're the first guy I've ever dated who didn't meet my parents first". She warned me: "Be prepared to get grilled!" I met her parents, and they seemed like decent folk. They indeed grilled me extensively. Then a few days later, I went back to get grilled by her brother and sister in law, who were TWI Household Coordinators. I could sense that her parents did not like me. "Do they have a problem with us dating?" I asked. "Yes", she said. "But they will just have to deal with it. it's my life." I began going to her TWI household. I was "Love bombed" nearly to oblivion. Everyone was very nice and solicitous. They were so glad I was part of the group, blah, blah, blah. She and I continued to go out, but things became very strained. She told me that she was having arguments with her parents over their control of her life. I could tell that her parents were trying to keep up apart as much as possible. Sometimes they would yell at her when she called me on the phone. Everyone seemed so great in her household that I just thought that over time things would work out between us. When she would sit next to me at TWI meetings, her parents would glare at her. She began to distance herself, pleading her busy grad school schedule, but saying how much she valued me, blah blah blah. Then I signed up for the Foundational Course. She attended the Foundational Course with me. She called me every day, and sometimes we went out to eat or d ancing afterwards. [ I was initially excited about the Foundational Class, thinking I was finally going to get to me meat of TWI's philosophy. But then I sat through hours of pseudo-science about dinosaurs, four-thieves-not-two, etc.] But when the Foundational Course ended, She broke off all contact. At the paschal service that year, I asked her what was going on. She would not answer. The Household Coordinator ran up to me demanding to know the "nature" our my relationship with her. I told him it was none of his business. he smoothly switched gears and said he just wanted ot help, sine he saw that she was upset about something. I told him we had dated...and he blew up. He began shrieking 'YOU WENT ON A DATE???? A DATE???? WHY DIDN'T I HEAR ABOUT THIS???" He ran and got the Branch Coordinator, J___, her dad, and two other men in the branch. They marched me to the parking lot in full view of the branch and proceeded to yell " You and J_____ have NO RELATIONSHIP. Do you understand???" The HC yelled that I "talked too much, and I "wasted everyone's time" talking about my life. I replied that he had told me that he wanted to be appraised of what was going on in my life so he could "help"; and that everyone else was always discussing their jobs, lives, etc. he continued to yell that "no one understood anything I talked about". They wanted me to be in the group, he said, BUT...in essence, I would have to TOE THE LINE. This was a pretty traumatic experience. the next day, the HC called me with a "good guy" routine. He apologized for being "so hard" on me, and said he really didn't think I was wasting his time, I was a good friend, blah blah blah. J____'s mother sent me a long email declaring that her daughter had only spoken to me in the first place to bring me to Jesus, she had never had any interest in me romantically. and I would henceforth have no contact with her outside of TWI meetings. The fact of our first date was conveniently excised out of the record. I called her mother, and she said the same thing. She very haughtily recommended that I "find another Household". I called the Household Coordinator and asked him if this is how the entire Household felt. He hemmed and hawed and told me to call the Branch Coordinator. the Branch Coordinator was a total wimp. I said that it looked pretty much like they had used J_____ as a lure to get me into the Household. He weakly said he "didn't think this was true". At the next Household Meeting, J____ was with another guy, while her mother gloated. J___ was clinging to him just like she had clung to me at my first meetings. Her father and the Branch Coordinator couldn't look me in the eye. J___'s mother spoke with me, telling me that she knew I was "lonely and desperate" and that was why I was interested in her daughter, but I was to stay away from her. Meanwhile the Household Coordinator was whining to the other men in the kitchen that "we just can't seem to get anyone to stay in the Household". This was the end for me. At the next meeting I used a Tarot Card for a bookmark in my Bible, but no one noticed. Then I told them that I would be away for a weekend, as I would be in Key West with a female friend celebrating her birthday (true). I never went back. The HC coordinator called me once, but did not leave a message. A few months later I saw J____ at another dance club where I took a date. She smiled and looked as though she expected me to come over and talk. But after the way she had kept silent while her family and Household berated me, I had no desire to. I never saw her again. A year later, a female friend of hers in her Branch walked up and asked me if I had spoken with J___. I suspect she had finally bailed. My situation was only the tip of the iceberg. One man was kicked out of the Household because his girlfriend moved in with him. The HC said that A) this was immoral and B) he should have discussed it with his TWI leaders first. (Gee...maybe he didn't want to WASTE ANYONE'S TIME heh.) Meanwhile another woman lived with the HC and his wife, and he took pains to try to hide it from the newer people. When you did something they didn't like, they blabbered about "keeping to the Word" or getting out. But if you pointed out their inconsistencies, they piously said that "everyone makes mistakes". It seemed like a Pyramid Scheme for Jesus. They continually told stories about how they had given their last dime to the Way, and then money miraculously appeared to take care of their needs. Everything revolved around materialism and what you should be doing for the Way, wrapped in the guise of God. But it all seemed to me to be the Will of the Leaders, not God. I waited in vain to hear anything spiritually insightful. Everyone was dishonest and had an agenda. They blabbed about "love" but did the cruelest things, and then justified it by flipping through the Bible and pulling ambiguous verses. The bottom line for me was "With friends like TWI, who needs Enemies????" They evidently believed that because I had stayed around long enough to take the Foundational Class, that I was hooked. They were wrong.