Tamar

Oops...

Wise words, WG. The counsel I received from TWI on childraising was tantamount to child abuse. I left once my first child was 6 months old, which is when they said I sould have started hitting her with that dreaded wooden spoon. I chose to raise my children with kindness and patience coupled with firmness laced with heavy doses of humor, and all 4 of them have turned out just fine. They're also good parents now themselves. Oops! The line starting with "I'm 46 and I just woke up from a nap..." is mine. Apparently I did something wrong and it looks like its part of the quote I used from WG's previous post... I'll get better at this (or maybe I won't, technology is not my strong suite!).

I was thinking of asking much the same question when I logged on and saw this. I've read lots of posts here about why people stayed, which is, of course, an important question. Many of us experienced the control and fear that kept us there far too long. But the next question that comes to mind is, "Why did you leave?" For myself, it was several factors, starting with the complete lack of support when times got hard. I was WOW and then a twig leader in a new area in the late 70's and early 80's in Idaho. The leadership there was very hard core, lots of in-your-face controntation, etc. If you experienced hardship it was because of some horrible flaw in your spirituality or character, which really started to pi*s me off. The next factor was the way in which married women were treated. I was very resistant to getting married because I knew that even though I had been a dynamic teacher and leader up to then, once I married I would be expected to wear a hat I knew wasn't going to fit very well. So, that pi*sed me off. The final straw came after I married and then had a baby. The whole wooden spoon thing made me sick. Once I was told by a branch coordinator that I should hit my 6 month old baby if she was fussy during a twig, I was finally pi*sed enough to walk away. I've always been on the "outspoken" side, so telling them a thing or two on my way out made me feel much better. As far as "picking up the pieces," it was amazingly easy. I just followed my own instincts, did what I wanted, and have been pretty much fine ever since. I have very few regrets, except concerning some of my own behavior while in twi. That "in your face" confrontation was all the rage. I was young and passionate and as full of myself as any other foolish young person (wasn't it Mark Twain who said that the problem with youth is it's wasted on the young!). There were occasions when I treated people badly and I wish I hadn't. Remember that bumper sticker that said, "mean people suck?" They do. So I regret times that I was mean, and have sought to be a kinder person since.

Thanks for your reply. Richmond was the first place I looked. My atrocious ex-husband and I visited them there in 1983, but that was the last time I saw them as I left TWI about a year later. The phone number I was able to find in Catonville, MD has been disconnected so I seem to have reached a dead end.

I can't believe it! I'm going to send you a private email and give my contact info!

I voted- she's adorable!

Actually, that's a good way to handle it, WG. That's a healthy response to unhealthy behavior- walk away. You're doing just fine.

Good point. In most professional settings that sort of behavior would not be tolerated, nor should it be. I can't speak about a military setting as I have no experience there, but in other settings that sort of behavior is perceived as crazy. Obviously if someone has a legitimate impairment that's one thing, but the bottom line is that healthy grown-ups shouldn't behave like babies. Personally, when someone behaves that way I'm done with them.

I'm pretty new here, so I'm still figuring out what it is for me. I "got out" around 1983, and have changed alot, grown alot, and have a pretty nice (not perfect, but nice) life now. Yet stuff from twi still comes up for me. Often not for a long time, and I think I'm completely done with it, and then... So, at least for now, it's reassuring to know that there's alot of folks who are processing some of the same stuff, even though many of them have been away from twi as long as I have. It's "fellowship" minus the control (for the most part, but nothing's perfect!). Actually, the imperfection makes it all the more attractive. Some folks have been very kind, some rude, some very funny,some p#*sed off, and many just seem to want to have some genuine discourse. It's all good, because people seem to feel pretty free to say what's on their mind. So, maybe for me it's going to about some healing and some humor and some dialog with people who know without alot of tiring explanations. We'll see how I feel down the road...

I'm looking for Bill and Jean Berryhill. The last info I could find was that they were limb leaders in Catonsville, Maryland, but they don't appear to be there anymore. I was in their WOW family years ago and would love to know what became of them.

Michael Rood sounds vaguely familiar, but I don't think that's it. I think this guy's wife's name was Susan and I think he had one of the monosyllabic men's names like Bill or Bob or Jim. I like your "pee ons." Makes me think of my sister's definition of "trickle down economics," - when they p#ss downhill and you still don't get wet!

Thanks- I'll try that.

We must have missed each other by a year. It sounds like I was there the year after you left. I was in D.C. (well, northern VA right outside D.C.) in 1982. I can't remember the limb leader's name, except the house was in McLean and had a pool!

I may have the years off by one or two. I remember when I first got there the limb leader's home was in Pocatello but then he (Dana) moved it to Boise. I was really young- 18 or 19.

After all these years, I'm just STARTING to look for survivors so you're ahead of me! When I walked away, around 1983, I severed all ties. Now, when I look back, it's like trying to remember a movie about someone else and barely remembering the characters involved.