ChasUFarley

A couple of things about this... If you look at the top of the thread you're posting on in your Private Topic, you'll see a hyperlink with the number of invited participants in it. If you click on it, it will show you the name of the host and the invitee(s). If you want something to be totally private, you might want to correspond with the poster(s) via encrypted email, if it will make you feel more secure. Personally, I think Paw is doing a fine job and you may want to consider that if what you're writing might harm you if it is discovered and/or linked to you, then it might not be worth it... Peas.

I've got a few I'm still trying to shake... If it's not done perfectly and done perfectly the right time then whoever did it has a spirit of error. Failure is not an option. If it seems like it might be a possibility then I'm not believing hard enough or there's something wrong with my thinking. Leadership, of any kind, still kind of makes me jumpy and I find I work extra hard to please them. Schedules aren't based on an hour-by-hour chart but if I don't have some "plan" for the weekend or weekday nights, I feel out of place. Same with the budget. But I'll never, ever take a wooden spoon to my child's a$$, think twice about the house I pay a mortgage on or discard friends and family again for some organization that thinks they know what's really good for me... At least I've made some progress...

As of 2000 he was still in and in the Boston area. He was living with some other singles in the Boston area. Absolutely one of the sweetest guys in the world!

Good topic, but I think there's many aspects of what makes up individuals and what they consider "making themselves better". You gave the example of not liking to or wanting to apologize for things -- it's ironic that that quality of always saying "sorry" for everything is something that I'm trying stop! Last month I had to write my own review at work and pass it in to my boss. She couldn't believe how hard I was on myself, but I didn't see it that way - I was just being "honest". I had only been on the job for 6 months and apologized for the areas I wasn't at 101% at. On the other hand, I have a hard time when it comes to confronting others when they have messed up because of all the confrontational situations I have been in. Just can't do it.

Paw -- I thank you from the bottom of my eyeballs! Now, get your butt up here to NH for some BBQ, will ya? Love, Krista

I feel the need... ...the need for speed! But since I use ol' fashion dial up modem, I can't expect a big change now can I? (Cable modem and other forms of high speed internet service run over $40/month here - too rich for my blood!) Paw - I do have a request for you, when you have a moment to tweak it... I have a very hard time reading the blue font on the blue background - such as in action buttons, etc. Is it possible to change the font color? I don't need glasses - I just stare at a monitor screen for 40 hours a week at work, so my eyes are pretty tired by the time I make it to the Cafe for some refreshment... Thanks bunches for all you do! Love, Krista

Hope - they weren't posted. I checked earlier. Maybe someone else has them... About those notes tho - how tacky that they'd have a big red blood drop for the back drop while performing that song! EEEwwww! I mean, the Psalm is about God's vengence but they acted like it was their's... Oh, I get it! They thought they were God!

Oh, and I should add this song was inspiried by a Corpse Night teaching that LCM did on "Break the teeth of the young lion" - getting deliverance from enemies. This was when LCM was on his OT jag and seemed to blur the lines of the Grace Administration whenever it suited him. These were the teaching that came out whenever he felt "threatened" for some reason - something I believe was a result of the uncovering of his "affairs" (TWI's words - not mine!) and the stuff about him on the internet - of course, we all know that the MOG was being attacked because the household was strong and the adversary wanted to see it destroyed because they had the Word over the world... wink/wink.

The song is from Psalm 58 and the chorus is from verse 10: Psalm 58:10 The righteous shall rejoice when he seeth the vengence: he shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked. This WAS recorded - it was sent on tape to the WC one summer - I think it was summer of '99 - yes, I'm pretty sure that's right. I don't have the full the lyrics or music - sorry. I can tell you that for Way Productions it was a pretty rockin' song and Mike Martin's songs were good in comparison to the sugarey drek that WP turned out. TWI didn't want this song out in the mainstream because taken out of context (i.e. - just looking at the title of it) TWI knew they would look bad. To people who knew the teaching about the Bema and the lake of fire and all that - it's not so bad (read the entire Psalm 58) - it's a figure of speech. I was also at the Advanced Class Special in Dallas when this was played and people really got into it - very emotional. I was surprised that this was played at such a function. But then they were doing everything they could at the time to make everyone who was in TWI think that the ministry was THE ONLY PLACE TO BE - anything else and it could be your blood they're washin' up in!

Tell em' you'd rather have a colonoscopy than go witnessing! Tell em' you've seen something about them on the web and have made time in your schedule to research it some more... Tell em' some Jehova's Witnesses came to your door today and sounded saner than TWI. Tell em' the ministry is DEAD anyhow and you're sick of wasting your time! Tell me, are you still supposed to find people who are already deciple material (i.e. not high maintaince - has a job, decent car, lives in a good part of town, etc.)??? That one killed me - I mean, how were we supposed to witness the more abundant life to someone who was doing a hell of a lot better than we were! Even if they were in debt! Scheesch! Are you doing confrontational witnessing anymore? That's another one I hated - I wouldn't do it. I mean, what were you supposed to do? Walk up to someone who doesn't know you from Eve, ask them if they're in debt or think homo is okay and then confront them on their beliefs via some scripture you'd scribbled on a 3"x5" card - and this was supposed to turn them on to the light of the Word? NOT! I NEVER saw any success from that! I had some great times witnessing as a WOW and at other times, but the "forced" witnessing (i.e. when we were told WHO to look for, how to talk to them, what to talk about, etc.) were the worst! I never had results with that because I feel God wasn't allowed to work in the situation. We were too busy following the rules of MEN and not the heart of GOD - never mind the person had a need as big as TX about knowing if they'd be with their dead child some day (i.e. needed to know about the return) - better talk about "no debt" because THAT'S WHAT LEADERSHIP HAS SAID WE'RE TO DO! Tell 'em Chas said to go to hell!

M&A'ed (or kicked out) vs. leaving on your own: My first husband was M&A'ed and it was nearly devistating to his life. We are not in contact anymore but I know he was still holding on to the dream of getting back into the ministry, back within the Walls of Zion (puke!) - when we spoke 3 years ago. He lost everything with being M&A'ed - job (we were on staff), wife, friends, and all he had left was his family. This was in 1997-ish... I left in 2000 but had time to prepare - I knew what I was going to do - what I needed to do and had Waydale and the support of several outie friends along the way. It made things earier on me. When I spoke with leadership the night I left there was no screaming or yelling - in fact, it was so pleasant I thought to myself that if things were like that all the time, I wouldn't bother leaving. I think being M&A'ed, and especially during the time of the "homo hunt" was the hardest on people - there was so much FEAR taught (i.e. no protection outside the walls of Zion; the collective believing of the household, etc.) that people were made to think they were SCREWED if they weren't in TWI. Funny that all the real 'screwing' was with the innies!

hiway - I've never heard of a fried lobster roll! Is it made like an eggroll. In my part of the country a lobster roll is made like a tuna salad - onion, celery, mayo, etc. - it's served cold and on a hotdog bun... As far as hot dogs and other fast food goes - I miss Sonic and loved their chili cheese fries and dogs. No Sonics in NH! :(-->

Another one bites the dust! LOL! I just told Mathman about your nuputials and he's pleased as punch for y'all. We've been together three years this month, thanks to Waydale! I hope your love is as deep as our, your committment as strong and your future together as bright! You both deserve the very best and we wish you every good fortune life has to offer! Hugs to you! -Krista

Frank -- Have a happy b-day! (sorry this is late... it took me this long to fingure out the new forums/posting!) HUGS to you! -Krista

It really did! I thought I was going to laugh until I cried - I needed that! The only thing about my company's party is that you have to buy tickets to go to it! I added it up and to get tickets for hubby & myself, a babysitter, and everything would be at least a day's pay after taxes! I should have known better than to go to work for a non-profit!

He worked in Safety - really nice guy.

I don't have any contact info to give you, but last I had heard she was out. Perhaps you have an email addy to post (if it's not in your profile - I didn't check, so please forgive me if it is) where she can contact you -- lots of TWI2 lurkers...

If we had more people like you, the world would be a better place... and more dogs would be spoiled rotten! =) Happy B-Day! -Chazzy

TommyZ -- When you take Kitty to the vets for shots and checkup, ask the vet what s/he recommends. Something to keep in mind that if you have a MALE cat and get him neutered is that you need to keep him on a low ash diet. Ash -- as in ashes -- are used as filler in cat food. Cat foods with high ash content is a big cause of urinary tract/bladdar infections in cats - especially neutered males. Some of the brands mentioned here -- Science Diet, IAMS and Purina are good brands, tho. Science Diet also has coupons and often gives free samples to vets to hand out -- ask for samples. Food & water are important but don't forget to have kitty spayed or neutered -- it prolongs their lives, as well as keeping them INDOORS -- an outdoor cat's average lifespan is 3 years! All the best to you & your new family member! &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& NOTE: For those of you who knew about the loss of our beloved Emmitt, I wanted to let you know that we have a new family member -- a kitten named Calvin. He's 5 months old, tabby, and keeps our 14 month old baby in check -- the two play together all the time and even look for each other when the other isn't around. It's pretty funny. Anyhow, things are a bit more lively here now and Calvin is fitting in nicely!

I had been divorced just a little over a year when I left TWI and found Waydale/GSC. I was also in the market for a MAN -- reaching 30 and wanting kiddos. Unlike you, I was not a single mom... After having been married once I knew what I could and couldn't live with -- I knew what areas of life I could compromise on and which ones I couldn't. When I met hubby, I had been dating a man who did not want to get married, already had a child from a previous marriage and didn't want anymore. He wanted the milk and not the cow, if you get my drift. Hubby wasn't that. After I realized we were pretty compatable, I basically gave him my "business plan" -- I wanted the American Dream -- house, kids, and 2 cats in the yard... He said he wanted his kids to have red hair (I'm a redhead and wanted to live in a house near the lake). BTW - we'd met in Jan '00 and were married in Aug. Our son was born in July '01. The moral of the story: Know what your 'must haves' are, have an idea of what your 'would like to haves' might be and what your 'no-way-in-hell!' is, too. This is someone you DON'T want to make another mistake with, so why settle for less? BTW -- about your 'Christian' friends -- they won't have to live with the man you choose to settle down with -- they should be happy if you're happy and if they aren't then they should keep their pieholes closed! =) Happy hunting!

Seth - I'm certainly in no position to discourage you from whatever vices you wish to cultivate in your life. With me, it's food. When I'm in a blue mood, I want my comfort food and lots of it. After baby, it was tapioca pudding - and it had to be warm. Or it was American chop suey. Or it was chocolate. You get the point. Lately, I've been having some health problems which have also gotten me down a little (nothing major - no worries - just frustration) and have been getting into chips - salty things. Anyhow, I've now put on two dress sizes (the psychotropic drugs helped, too!) and have to get back into my old clothes. I have to undo what damage I've done -- that alone is depressing, in a way. You may encounter the same thing with smoking. I'm now trying (underscore the word 'trying') to "refocus my energies" to exercising or having a glass of water, if nothing else, whenever I feel that need to dig into something a bit more distructive, like Lays Sour Cream and Dill chips or Terra Chips (you know, those funny colored froo-froo chips). Or M&Ms. God help me! Seth -- I don't have all the answers but boy, do I relate with how you feel. All I can give you is what works for me -- little goals each day, easy to accomplish. Baby steps in living. Maybe it's just getting one load of laundry done. Maybe it's just getting showered and dressed. Maybe it's just getting some bills paid up... Whatever it is, set what you feel like you can handle that day but make sure you stick to it. It may sound silly but reward yourself for your accomplishments -- promise yourself some 'treat' when you've finished like listening to a favorite CD or calling a friend. Do what works for you - I don't know what your hobbies and interest are, but I'm sure you understand what I'm saying... More hugs to you. And if you find you're craving some American chop suey, Mathman can tell you I make a mean batch of it!

Thanks for the well wishes, Kit! The 2 years have screamed by -- seems like yesterday we met via Waydale and I asked Mathman to email me... Funny story about that -- He emailed me and I responded with a little information about myself. I was a little reluctant to let anyone on the www know I was a single woman -- I'd heard too many stories and was really new on the net. When I wrote him, I disclosed I was a woman but asked that he didn't tell. When he responded, he said, "By the way, I'm really Mathwoman," and then there was some line about how (s)he was also scheduled to appear on The Sally Jesse Raphael Show in a mudwrestling episode about thong wearers, or something weird to that effect... I remember thinking, "OH MY GOD -- IT IS TRUE! THE WEB IS FULL OF WEIRDOS!"

Hugs to you (((Seth))) at this dark time you're going through. I hit a low that I never could have imagined was achievable shortly after the birth of my baby. Although much of it was hormone-related, it was added to by a lack of sleep, nervous about suddenly being a parent to a premie, a new home owner and all sorts of other fun things. I just wanted to lie in bed, with the shades drawn. I did what I had to do to take care of baby, but really didn't give a rat's a$$ about anyone or anything else. To make a long story short, all the doctors I spoke with, meds I tried, etc., the best thing I found that helped was a book called The Depression Workbook. http://www.idyllarbor.com/cgi-bin/SoftCart...1.HTM?E+scstore It's more than reading. It's answering questions, looking at things in life that you wouldn't have considered for help, and suggestions for better living. No, it won't be the answer to your problems but it will help you get more understanding of what you're going through and why you feel the way do. BTW -- about your posts... You're one of my favorite posters to read and hubby and I often get a chuckle out of your irreverant attitude -- love it! Take care of you!

I've explained this one before, for I'll do it again for those of you who are new... ChasUFarley = Chuck U. Farley The nickname for Charles is Chuck. If you swap around the 'C' and the 'F' it says something not very nice... It's actually from WWII, where the enemy was referred to as "Charlie", which is how I felt about TWI when I left. I didn't want them to know who I was, at first. Now I could care less. For professional and personal reasons, I will give you my real first name - Krista. No, I'm not a guy. I am married to a former poster, Mathman, and we met via Waydale a little over two years ago. We also have a one year old son, Kristopher (see the BIRTHDAY FORUM for details). Our second wedding anniversary is coming up this month! See, there is life after TWI! BTW - I use the black cat icon because I love cats and this icon wasn't being used back when EXTWI (Waydale) taught us how to use the icons back when one of EzBoards fameous upgrades happened. I decided to adopt the little chap because no one else was using him. It's also sort of a warning not to cross me.

Most of these drugs - Paxil, Prozac, Effexor, Paxil, Celexa, etc. can be addictive. They are usually started with a low dose and then the dose level is increased as the patient needs it, as he/she gets used to them, etc. Interestingly enough most of the same drugs that are used to treat depression are also used to treat epileptics, just that the latter group takes higher dosages, as a rule. Typically, patients under treatment for depression are monitored closly with regular doctor visits and those who are opposed to putting chemicals into their bodies for long periods of times can request to be taken off meds after a year to see how they will function -- it's just something to discuss with your doctor. If you are on meds NEVER go off them cold-turkey. You mentioned that if it couldn't be grown, then you wouldn't take it -- Consider St. John's Wort, Kava Kava (be careful - this herb can also cause deeper depression), cammomile, and many others. Talk with a doctor who specializes in homeopathic remedies -- it's becoming more common. Have you considered finding a support group? Most people I know who have been diagonosed with depression felt they got the most help just from talking with people with the same condition, who had the same concerns, questions, etc. as they did. Depression is nothing to be ashamed of, nor does it mean you have to go around crying everyday. Although I do agree that doctors are quick to hand out this diagnoses when patients just complain of having a bad hair day, this condition also encompasses many other symptoms -- sleep patterns, thought patterns, mood swings and so on. Aside from the consideration of alternative medicines and support groups, you may want to look at ways you can change your life -- diet and exercise are some of the biggest factors. Stress and job situations play a big part in it too. I don't know what your entire lifestyle is like, but I do wish you the best in your efforts!