Nero

I took the class because my parents wanted me to take it. :3 The best part? Hmmm... probably that my cousin was there with me and I got to talk to her during breaks. Also... drawing in the pfal margins. Yup. :3 Oh! And day dreaming. Mmmm... *happy sigh*

Sort or like being fired or quiting? Quiting makes you feel good. Take that Mr. Bossman! Being fired sucks. They treated you badly... and then they kicked your arse out on top of that. Not fun.

Yeah. =( Those sadists seemed to enjoy that sort of thing. Which makes me wonder... Do you think they did that sort of thing to prove a point or try to make them an example? Not just for the enjoyment of kicking them out while they were down... But someone in that sort of situation... if they had no one, no where to go, no money, no nothing... that would be depressing. Someone might kill themselves because of it (like I know happened at least once). So wouldn't that show up sheeps that if you go out from under the hedge you would die. Because the debbils of suicide would get us? Maybe they just saw people who were really down on their luck as a great opportunity?

Imagine going through this kinds "stuff" while your parents are there and allowing it...

I sort of wish she would listen to me Dooj. I've been trying to do just what you said for three weeks. =( But she seriously won't listen to a thing I say. And I mean nothing. Even when I'm being positive I am against her or negative. I've been telling her for three weeks that if she thinks that he is still there... that she should talk to him like he is still in there. Like how she talks to him like a baby... I remind her almost everytime I'm in there. Gr33n3 did too after she did it so much. It's so damned aggrivating. I can't seem to say anything right.

OMG! I went to see my dad yesterday because of what my mom said. :3 Aparently the Dr. gave him ridlin to help him focus. He was looking around at people as people talked. His eyes darted back from one person to the other as they talked - so he can hear it seems. He also turned his head to look at a person if they were talking for a while. They have these swabs that you moisten people's mouths with. I held it up to him and he scowled at it and then at me hehe. I asked him to open his mouth and he did. He didn't look like he liked the taste much so I offered him another - asking him to open his mouth and opened his mouth again. :D He even opened his mouth for a nurse that needed to suction his throat. He also had quite a few expressions. He looked like he wanted to respond a few times. Mom and Mr. Gr33ne were talking about a lady dad once knew - they couldn't remember her name but it looked like he wanted to say it. He would raise his eyebrows if something confused him. He looked frustraited when he couldn't do something. I don't think it was random. His face looked fuller since the muscles in his face were being used. Before his face looked deflated. When my brother and I walked in the room his eyes opened up a lot - like he was surprised to see us. It's the first time I've seen his eyes open for so long. I'm a little afraid to be so optimistic - but this is amazing!

Well last night went pretty well. Rev. Bianci and Rev. Gr33n3 were really nice - I now realize who they are (so bad with names!) It's been a while since I've seen them. With the way my mom was going on I thought they were going to storm in there and try to heal him or something. I asked my brother what he made of it - he said that mom is sort of attaching significance to people coming - like they are going to perform a miracle. She called one of our friends from TWI clergy just a bit ago. Mr. G and Mr. B seemed to be there for moral support - we prayed for dad. That was about it.

Update: Today my mom said dad has kept his eyes open for over thirty minutes. He's still breathing but it doesn't sound like he is snoring anymore. Mom says he is looking around the room at his surroundings. That's good right? I hope it is. It's his birthday. I wonder if he'll wake up today? That would be so wonderful.

WG - My mom did talk to a social worker. She's been trying to get things together - but she has been very slow. The problem is - she won't leave dad long enough to do these things quickly (she is afraid the nurses might hurt him) and when my brother stays at the hospital for her - she is so exhausted she sleeps all the time. She won't let us handle anything either. The doctors and some nurses have been pretty mean to her because of this. =( It's been over three weeks and they really want him put into a nursing facility. My mom wants him to be brought somewhere out of state but it's taking longer and longer because of it. The one bright ray of hope is one of our childhood friends (our parents are friends too) offered to help my mom. They live right near a home that can house him (in state). Maybe they would let her stay long enough to get a job and get a place of her own or until she can transfer him to the one she wants him to stay in. Thanks again for all the good wishes and prayers.

I think he is decent - I can't remember. I'm horrible with names but great with faces. Someone else is coming down with him. I'm not sure what they are going to do - from the way it sounds - it seems like they might try to do a healing or something. Or attempt to. Whether they said that I'm not sure but mom acts like they are. I'm not sure what Mr. Gr33n promised my mom - or if he promised anything at all. It might be her wishful thinking. If he did promise her something - I hope he knows what he is doing. I do know we'll have to pick up the pieces good or bad. Mom says that people from TWI tell her he is going to get out of bed (not sure who). We've been trying to be there for her a lot (my family) but she says we are being negative. =( Anything short of him getting out of bed 100% fine is negative. We can suggest a place of rehabilitation when he wakes up, or alternative places for him to stay to give him more time and she sort of freaks out on us. We're trying to remain calm. =( If something does happen to dad I hope mom doesn't take it the wrong way and blame herself. I also don't want her to go off the deep end and become a religious zealot - she really sounds like one right now. Her current mantra is everyone is against her even though we are trying to do everything we can. Everything is just so crazy right now. =(

Do I get all of the water for my free ice in one lump sum when I start or is this one of those you get a cup of water every month sort of deals? Or must I provide all of the water myself? I had a friend tell me that the icemaker you are selling was held together with rubber bands. Comment? Also - how is ice as a currency? I believe pocket lint was worth more than paper clips last month and I believe ice cubes are worth more than paper clips yes? But I have not been watching the news.

Oh my - he looks like one of my ex-boyfriends hehe. :D

This is just my experience - but I doubted I was valuable to God as I was in TWI. Dear lord... what a hateful person. What hateful people were in there - for goodness sake they had a song dedicated to hating homosexuals and anyone not in TWI. It took some good friends outside of TWI to show me how to be tolerant of other peoples beliefs or lack thereof. I think if I started believing in him today I would be much more valuable as I am now - a decent human being who has compassion for others. As for - You can take the love out of believers but not God. I think that is untrue. If God is love - and when there is no love in a group - then where is God? I don't know if God can exist where there is no love.

Since leaving TWI a few years back I noticed my family seems to just gravitate towards cults. My little brother did the whole Mormon thing until he got sick of it a couple weeks later. My other little brother has talked about going with them since they seem so happy. I’m not sure if they are though – people in TWI always seemed happy. My mother… goodness. Mormons, I don’t know if she talked to the JWs. I know she was watching the BYU channel and it seemed to have some pretty cultish stuff going on. Recently it seemed like my family was falling back into TWI. Suddenly they forgot all the bad stuff that happened to them. They used to be pretty good at venting. My brother was becoming more forgiving. My mom never wanted to leave. And even my dad was saying “Well, it was good once. You can’t keep knocking it.” Even though he used to complain the most hehe. Right now it’s like a parade of TWI people are coming through my dad's sick bed. I’m okay with it since it seems to help my mom… but I swear she says stuff that’s crazy. Rev. Gr33n3 is supposed to come down soon or something. I told mom that was nice. Then she tearfully said that she was unworthy of him coming down - and she told him that too. I told her that was stupid. Why would she be unworthy? Her answer: Because she hadn’t done anything for the last few years for TWI. >_< My dad helped build the VPWA for free and they did only God knows what else. It’s amazing. I told her to be proud of the things she and dad did - visiting him is the least they can do. She told me that she did have pride - and it was called meekness. Whatever that means. I don’t know if this means she is going to go back in and think less of me. She keeps accusing me of thinking she’s crazy because of what she believes. I never said anything of the sort. It makes me worry. One of my friends from TWI accused me of hating her because of her beliefs. I also didn't say anything like that either. I hope my relationship doesn't fall apart with my mother the same way. Anyone else know someone or related to someone who was in TWI as well and they just keep getting sucked back into TWI or other cults? Is it frustrating to you too or is it just me?

Oh yes, I remember that song and dance. It has been so indocternated in my family that my brother said something similar to me - only it was more about if people without any faith. Basically they had no hope - they couldn't make it through anything traumatic without some beliefs to get them through it. After listening to him I ended up telling him what I "believed" in I guess - and told him how I felt. (btw - it was a calm conversation hehe) Most of my problems with God were because of the way TWI presented him. I was told he was loving and good by twi - but the way they portrayed him... he was worse than Zeus could ever be. I am so glad for my lack of faith right now or I would have believed that my father falling into a coma would have been my fault for my unbelief (yes - seriously - it was that bad). I would also feel guilty for him not waking up... also because of my unbelief. This might be a subject for another thread - but lots of people have been coming up to me recently and talking to me about that. Lots of people know how I feel right now about religion. They talk to me sort of like I never believed in God in the first place (like they will explain things in God-terms like I'm stupid) and seem to want to offer me extra comfort because I am a godless in a bad time. Maybe I just want to heal for a bit though... maybe I want to find God again - but maybe this time he won't be the evil entity that twi has made him out to be. Goodness - I am so bad about ranting! Sorry! XP

It's hard to say. Last week we removed his breathing tube down his throat - the doctor's told us with his sort of brain damage that he wouldn't continue breathing. It was so weird when he began snoring. He has been breathing on his own fine. We put in a feeding tube the other day to give him a little more time if he's going to wake up. At this point I'm not too sure really. I haven't seen him do any of these things and my mother tends to exagerate things a bunch (especially this - since she isn't sleeping or going home). She said that it sounded like he said "wa" because he was thirsty - but I've heard him make similar noises. I guess he responds to commands like "open your mouth" for when they moisten the inside of his mouth. I'm not sure if that is automatic. I heard that he swallows... which I believe is a good sign. When we talk to him he shakes his head - sort of like a dancing cactus. He is opening his eyes more. My brother asked him to move his feet and he did one out of two times. He still isn't talking. He still isn't responding to commands consistantly. It's nerve wracking. =(

What a douche. =/

Yikes! He wouldn't be a decent heavenly father if he condoned that sort of thing. If God were like that - who would need Satan?

Our experiences really were different. When I was growing up "devil spirits" were always shrouded in mistery. Whenever I asked about them I was shushed. When I asked why we never talked about them - it was because if we did we were giving glory to the devil. I always wondered how we could protect ourselves from something we knew nothing about. It was a real shock to hear some of the same things you are saying when I went to the advanced class a few years back. People were naming them off and would talk about them like they knew the subject quite well. They also never pulled the posseso card out much. I don't think I've ever seen it done really... or I was protected from seeing it. I can't be too sure.

Hm - weird wording (spooky). My friend actually told me to get over myself when I was upset about what was happening with my dad after not even a week of him being in his coma. I was certainly not really to "be over it" or "get over myself" yet. My whole thing is - how do we know when people should be over it? I didn't think a week was or is sufficient for myself... She belives that I should have gotten over myself almost instantly. She gave me evidence that she would have been okay herself as she went through a similar situation. So who is she to tell me when to get over myself? Who are we to tell others when they should stop hurting? Isn't that just a little cruel?

OMG! Are you serious?! They would have someone from TWI stand there and listen to a speaker from TWI just to get other people interested? That is so crazy, dishonest and horrible. But it is so... so very TWI.

I've decided to try again to be friends with her. I think the problem might have been giving her too much access into my life. She could read my blog - which was filled with twi hate... and although I have backed off of it I think she is reading into what I'm saying now. I don't think she can handle my innermost thoughts and some of my venting - not that they are deep or anything - but the subjects might get ot her. It's so hurtful to me because she reads between the lines and accuses me of thinking a certain way. I know we can have a decent relationship if we can get past this - because we did before I admited a few things or talked about what I thought of TWI. I sent her a letter asking her if she wanted to just send letters and after I moved we could talk on messenger. I'm hoping that we can do this. It's just bad timing with my dad. Speaking of my father - he is still sleeping. He got a fever again last night. He's had one twice since he's been there. Despite that he's starting to look much better. Thanks for everyone praying for him and sending us good wishes. I'm still hoping he will wake up soon.

I was wondering that too. I never remember doing that kind of witnessing - it sounds very interesting.

I felt the same way about the whole marriage issue - only I didn't want to marry anyone in twi at all. When I was younger I thought it would be nice to hace someone from twi to marry... as I got older and saw how guys treated their wives and girlfriends... I couldn't take it. I realized then and there I really wanted to marry someone outside the ministry. Even if I stayed in - I definitely wanted them to not take it too seriously? I always wondered if that made me a bad person or some unruley female. I remember taking a marriage class or something once. The teachers told young women that they shouldn't have sex outside of marriage. They also said that if women didn't want to submit to a husband yet - they weren't ready for marriage. One of the teachers said that "some women are never ready for marriage." That really disturbed me. I wondered if that meant I could never have sex... ever! They also said we shouldn't get married outside of twi... but there were no guys my age! They also said bad things happened to people if they had sex outside of their marriage. My friend was living with her boyfriend at the time. It really did a number on them mentally. They thought all of their bad luck was because they weren't married... even though it continued into their married life they thought things were getting better. Everything was just so crazy. I'm just so glad to be out and I got to marry a great fem guy hehe. ~_~ He is so lovely. Purr...

Don't you just love that? They would do that all the time with us. You aren't giving enough - that's why you aren't healthy. No... actually it's because we give you so much we can't afford health care insurance. It was always such a guilt trip.