bowtwi

Goodfellas?

I'm glad you got that out of your system - that can't be healthy for anyone to carry around, even for an atheist in a thread on a Christian principle. I do choose to forgive you for a few reasons. One because I do believe that God will forgive me as I forgive... Two because you did no damage to me and you did come back and admit what you did and three because I enjoy you in my world. I don't expect you or anyone else to think all things the same as I do. I've got a ways to go, but I've come a lon-n-n-g-g-g-g-g way, baby from my twi days when I would have considered you a challenge to win over. Please hear me when I say that the things I believe, I believe for ME - I share them for others to consider, but I would never insist that YOU even agree with me. I just ask for a friendly discussion. I'm over heated debates and yes, I do avoid them whenever possible. You have no idea what I deal with regularly from my own precious son who was falsely accused of vile and horrific things by lcm on a SNS. He was 13 years old and his entire social structure fell in around him - to this day he's never heard from one of his former way friends to find out if they ever did believe or believe now that he was guilty. No doubt they all believed he was, at least at the time. You think I haven't had to fight like hell to even be able to maintain a talking relationship with my most precious very own son who has gone from believing that God was intimately interested in every thought he had to asking "wtf, God?" and why didn't twi leadership "just ask God" what did and didn't happen? I'm now in a pastor position and my son made your above post look like a welcoming party. You have NO IDEA the fight I've had from my nearest and dearest about whether there even IS A GOD and then sometimes he's sure of God. And frankly, the point of this thread to me IS moving on, learning better ways to live and deal with life's challenges. Whaddaya say we catch our breath and have a beer - first one's on me (and no, I haven't deleted you as a fb friend, nyuk, nyuk)

Hey Ted, I got an mp3 copy from Whitedove this afternoon and he's going to send me a cd in the mail so unless you've already mailed it out I have no need of it now. He sent it as you do, free of charge. He also reminded me of this site: http://www.cortright.org/bbmusic.htm If anyone is interested they can write Whitedove at itiswrittenbksp@msn.com for more information. He listed Dean Ellenwood, Good Seeds 3 CD's, Leon Hanson Someday Soon and Still Got Him, Sal Arico Watching and Brian Bliss' double CD is $22.00. Again, Ted, thank you! And it's so good to cybersee you again!

Ya know Garth, I answered your question respectfully and thoughtfully. I didn't poke fun of your choice to not believe in God or the Bible or anything, for that matter. I'm confused as to why you would have so much interest in this thread on forgiveness - as it applies to the Lord's prayer, which as I recall is what the point of this thread was in the beginning when I first started it. Nowhere does it say nor did I say that you or anyone else HAS to forgive or any "wannabe dogma, blah, blah, blah as you so described it... The forgiveness that this thread is about is the forgiveness that we Christians ask for when we pray the Lord's prayer. Remember this part? "Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors"? Your insistence that you know better about Christianity than Christians who are trying to study and learn better is really wearing on my patience, for one. I have never come into a thread of yours about your atheism and tried to poke fun at you although, believe me, I really could if I were so inclined. This was a really good thread, very refreshing and now you've dumped big stinky piles of crap all over it. Knock it off, will you please?

I sent it from my regular email address with "From Bowtwi at GreaseSpotCafe" in the subject line. Thanks and God bless you, too!

Maybe I should rephrase my question. I tried to Google Stevie Kay and He Gave Me Love. I would like to buy a cd or download an mp3, whatever is available.

I went there too and enjoyed a couple of the songs she has there and didn't enjoy one I was hoping to. Ah well, can't win 'em all. Does anyone know the lyrics to "He Gave Me Love?" and how to buy a legal copy of that song? All I can remember is that I loved that song and just that one line - "He gave me love" keeps playing in my head.

Exactly!!!

I share your appreciation and your view here. My views on forgiveness have changed. I used to think I didn't need to forgive until the person who had wronged me apologized to me. Now I think that's silly.

Fun song!

It's not ringing any bells for me, either; but then I was way too involved in a cult for all of the 80's so what do I know?

Congratulations! This is great news! I've admired your strength and determination to keep trying and never give up. I'm happy for you!

Thanks, Twinky and God bless you, too. You're one of the people here I look to see what you've posted anytime I see you've posted. :) Last winter after I presented my testimony a couple of the associate pastors invited Annie and me out to dinner and asked me to consider organizing a sort of outreach program. They wanted to reach people who'd been hurt by churches but might still be interested in some sort of fellowship with believers. We started having kickball games and a cookout afterward - out at a farm that was given to our church. We don't meet at the church. In the winter we're thinking we'll have dances or karaoke nights, something we can rent the town's Community Center for an evening for. We have no teachings, we simply hang out and have fun. Yep, I'm definitely enjoying this "outreach minister" thing. No pressure, but if and when folks that attend these bring up the subject that they want to check out a church we tell them which church seems to us would suit them best, even if it isn't ours. I especially like those parts of it - WE don't bring it up and we don't necessarily suggest OUR church. I don't know that I'll ever actually pastor my own church, but I'm having fun and I'm loving God's people - for now, that's what I want to be doing. I'm very satisfied - for now.

I came into this church declaring that I'd NEVER be a member and NEVER would contribute my money after all the way took from me and mine. They genuinely loved me continually over a long period of time, never ever demanding or even suggesting I do anything at all - until the pastor asked me if I felt ready to give my testimony. There wasn't even any pressure then. I hadn't told anyone but our precious Dot Matrix the thoughts and dreams I was having while seeing other people teach from the pulpit when the pastor was away and altho she encouraged me to tell the pastor I thought I wanted to fill it at some point, I only told GOD that. I also only told GOD my other deepest hearts' desires. When the pastor asked me specific things that I had only said to GOD in my thoughts (yeah, still believing some twi doctrine) THEN I felt that this was really of GOD and not just some man's recognition that I could be worked... This has happened very specifically several times here and that's why I've even dared to step into this church thing at all after all the pain from being involved in the way. Like you, I never quit loving God and Jesus. If you're ever up for a trip to the midwest, I'd love you to come and see for yourself this church congregation. It's the real deal, I'm convinced!

Happy Thanksgiving, Greasespotters! Our church fed 128 people a free Thanksgiving feast last night - didn't even accept any cash donations. We put flyers up around town and mentioned it to anyone who used our food pantry. The food was all donated and most all of it was prepared and brought in regardless of whether or not the cook could stay for the meal. I don't know what was more fun, peeling 60 pounds of potatoes, cooking 6 turkeys and the general kitchen work that went into all that and then the endless parade of dishes, pots and pans or the sitting down and eating of the meal itself. The entire day was a hoot! Today, the princess is still asleep and we'll eat leftovers as we feel the need, watch a movie or two and maybe get some housework caught up. Other than that we're just hanging here at home - having a peaceful day together.

I was expecting for years that he would pay me back. I kept hoping he would keep his word and pay me back. I really couldn't believe that he wasn't going to pay me back. What's changed is that I no long have expectations of him paying me back. I no longer believe he will. IF he were to pay me back, I would not only be very surprised, but I would see him a little differently. I still wouldn't trust him but I wouldn't think that he had stiffed me. That may not seem like much difference to you, but it does to me. Either way, I'm no longer expecting anything from him so he can't disappoint me anymore. He could only accomplish inspiring me to distrust him a little less. But I believe he still has to answer someday for how he treated me. I don't think you're a shark. I think you have a different opinion and belief system than I do. That's okay with me. I don't expect everyone to think as I do. I'm no longer in a cult and I'm working pretty steadily at dropping the cult's ways of thinking as I discover that I'm still thinking their way - I like to think that I'm getting back to thinking my way. Wow, Abi - if I hadn't already posted and read your response, I wouldn't have posted anything at all. You really answered Garth's questions well - thanks!!!

Also, I believe the Bible to be true. I believe it where it says in Mark 11:26 "When you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." I want my sins forgiven so I believe I'm required to forgive others their sins against me. and Ephesians 4:32 says "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Since I believe these, I'm trying to live up to them. I'm certainly not perfect, but I'm doing my best.

I can only answer for myself but I'll be glad to try to explain to you how I see it. I'll use a real life example from my own experience. About 6 years ago I bought a van from a guy. It was a used van. He wanted $3,000 for it and offered to accept $100 monthly payments. I paid the entire $3,000 in one lump sum. Within a few weeks I got a newer car with a better heater that suited my need better. The man told me he wished he hadn't sold the van, he missed it. I offered it back to him at the same deal he had offered me. I had to chase after him to get the 3 payments he did make. He took the van across country and had a great old time driving it into the ground and never has made another payment to this very day. I felt taken advantage of. I resented that he would treat me that way, especially when I'd not only paid him what he wanted for it (didn't even dicker to try and get a better deal), but I paid the entire deal in one shot. Today he has yet to pay the remaining $2700 he promised he would pay me. Pretty soon I heard he's going here and there, spending money on luxuries, yet not paying me back what he had promised and he had the van! I heard him say that he's giving to charities which really bothered me because he owed me money and wouldn't give it to me, yet was acting like he had extra money to give to others. I heard that he's telling other people about purchases he's making. I found myself really starting to get mad to think that this man who had appeared to be a friend to me at one point and signed a contract promising to make payments every month to me now was going around spending money like a guy who didn't owe me anything. Other people that I know and respect think this guy is a man of his word. I know he's not. This ate at me like crazy. Not only did I find myself building resentment, but I actually started thinking evil of this guy. I got so mad I wanted to call his new wife and tell her what a rat she was married to. This guy was taking up space in my brain that wasn't his to have. I had to forgive him in order to get him out of my thoughts. I didn't forgive him so he can get away with owing me $2700. He still owes me the money. What he doesn't have is room in my thoughts. I didn't let him off the hook and say that it's okay with me. What I did was stop letting him have any control in my life. I no longer care that he's a deadbeat liar. My forgiving him doesn't change the fact that he cheated me out of my deserved money. I just took away his ability to make me feel bad because he's chosen to be a schmuck. He still has done what he's done. He still will have to answer one day for that action if he makes it to heaven. He claims to be a Christian so I imagine that's what'll happen. I imagine he'll have to answer to God for what he did to me. Me forgiving him does not bring him back to a place in my life where he can ever trick me out of money or anything else ever again. But now I don't feel like if I hear of him doing anything at all that I wish he would pay me back so I can stop thinking about this money. He is still someone I won't invite to anything I'm a part of. But I no longer think about the possibility of him manning up to his promise to me. I no longer have any expectations of him. This isn't about him. This isn't for him. This is about me and for me. I claim to be a Christian, a follower of Jesus Christ. I am endeavoring to follow His example of when he was on that cross and He said, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." He forgave them anyway. I believe I can too. That's how I see the requirement to forgive. It's about me and my peace of mind. He doesn't have the power to affect me either way anymore. I used to think if only he'd pay me back then this would be better or that would be better. I wouldn't think he's such a rat. Now it doesn't matter whether he does anything at all. I took his power away to affect my life. This is no different than if I want to eat a good meal I have to cook it. I'm okay with cooking it so that I can then enjoy it. This frees ME up. This frees MY ENERGY up to do better things with myself and for myself and those I come in contact with. The right thing to do is always the right thing to do. He still should pay me back and live up to his word but the fact that he hasn't and isn't going to no longer takes up any space in my thoughts. Does that clear anything up for you?

They don't apply to me at all either, but I do like that song!

A little naughty? LOL That's like a little pregnant! I think it's very fitting and you know, I've always appreciated a well-placed F-bomb. Very funny, Dot Darlin! :biglaugh: Maybe you'd like to start a thread on how you came to terms with all that and share your testimony? Or even put it here, would be fine with me. Soul Searcher, Newlife, Frank - Thanks for the positive comments - I appreciate them!

Great stuff! I just sang this song to my daughter the other night - now I'll have to play this for her and show her how it really goes!

All my life, as far back as I can remember I've wanted to really know God and have a close, personal relationship with Him. I grew up with a pretty wild family. My mom considered men disposable and had been married and divorced six times by the time she died at age 38. I really never felt like I belonged anywhere much except in church. As a kid I always loved the way people treated each other there. As a teen living in foster homes and such I never settled into a church. I was 18 when my mom died. When I was 21, I got involved with some people that I thought were just a nice group of people who met in their homes rather than church buildings and we studied the Bible together a few times a week and did our best to live what we learned. I was involved in that group for about 15 years, raised my son in it. We thought we were the modern day, real life Book of Acts. I was newly married at the time I met up with these people. My husband wanted no part of Bible study or worshiping God. He loved the changes in me as I became more of what the Bible said about being a wife, but he had no interest in joining me in my Christian studies and activities. We stayed married for 14 years until I had progressed up the ranks in what I thought was a terrific ministry. When I could no longer "grow" any further with him according to the cult, I was convinced by the cult leaders that I needed to divorce him so I would be free to do the things they said God wanted for my life. After my divorce, my son and I were missionaries for a year, and then moved into a college campus setting where I was going to take a 2-year in-residence course for a degree in theology. I was gonna be a MINISTER and love God's people like I thought HE would have me do. I was so sure that I was right where I belonged, right where God wanted me. I enrolled my son in the local high school. All of a sudden one day my son and I were kicked out with one hour's notice to pack up and leave over false accusations. I won't go into those details this morning– maybe another day. But I can tell you I was devastated. My son actually told me to call the leadership and tell them to ask God what happened or didn't happen. But of course, the leadership wouldn't consider anything we had to say. I had alienated everyone who knew me and loved me outside of the cult – unless they were members of the cult I had no time or energy for them. Now all of a sudden nobody IN the cult could talk to me – I had been what they called "marked and avoided"; I'd been excommunicated. If the leadership found out someone had talked to me they would've been kicked out next. I called my closest friends in the cult and they refused to speak to me. I was persona non grata. I might as well have been dead. They told me I was now outside of God's hedge of protection and He wouldn't even spit in my direction. I was lost and without hope. They told me they had turned me over to Satan to have his way with me and surely I would die a miserable death. I believed them. I lived pretty much like a hermit for the next 10 years. For at least 2 years every time my phone rang I thought it was someone from the cult calling to tell me they'd caught their mistake and wanted us to come back. My son was 14 when they kicked us out and refused to allow us to even know who made the accusations. I went so far as to find out it would have cost $225 each to take a lie detector test to prove the accusations were false. To this day I don't know by whom or why we were singled out. Today it no longer matters to me. Today I just thank God they kicked us out 'cause I'd have probably never left on my own. A year or two out of the cult I discovered a tumor in my abdominal wall. They figured it'd been growing for at least two years, maybe three. Turned out to be benign, but of course I feared the devil was taking me out. I lived in pretty constant fear that any moment could be my last. Over my 10 years in Florida I tried to go to a few different churches. I was so brainwashed by the cult and to its doctrine that no matter where I went to church somebody said something that cut through me like a knife. Stuff like a song at one church they sang praising Mary and calling her the mother of God and then praying to her, I had to get up and leave. I couldn't bear to stay there, was afraid I might throw up. I thought there were devils all over that place. When a minister at another church prayed to Jesus I almost did throw up and had to about run out of that church. The cult's main claim to fame was that they believed Jesus was not God and that the dead are as if asleep and not in heaven now, and that if you prayed to anyone other than God you were risking praying to the devil and if you thought otherwise they'd bully you, badger you, beat you over the head with twisted scripture til you saw it their way. They demanded everybody believe everything all the same as they did. Everything. I didn't make a deliberate decision to join a cult. I came to realize a few years after I'd been kicked out that it had been a cult all along. It was a tough realization - that I had been caught up in a cult. I would've thought I was too strong-minded to be fooled like that! Finally, after 10 years of living in Florida 'cause that's where they told me to go when they kicked me out and I was waiting for them to call me and admit their mistake and welcome us back, I took a huge risk, made a huge move and began my escape out of that bondage. I originally came to this town to help another former cult member move and settle into his new home. I intended to stay here for a 4-week working vacation and then return to my life in Florida. So, we first came to this town on what I thought was going to be a 4-week working vacation. I'm a medical transcriber and work from home so as long as I have electricity and an internet connection I can pretty much work anywhere. My friend was friends with a couple that live here. I had met this couple a few times over the years at different cult events around the country. I have a very special place in my heart for these two lovely believers. They welcomed me into their lives like a long-lost family member. I must've looked to them like a deer caught in headlights. I really hadn't socialized much at all since being kicked out of the cult. They invited me to be a part of everything they did with people. They were so busy loving and teaching people every day! I saw and spoke to more people each day while visiting with them than I did in a month back home. They did what they called "cult exit counseling". I'd never heard of such a thing. It was fascinating. And it was fun. One day the wife was preparing for her weekly meeting with a couple Jehovah's Witness ladies. She wanted to prove a particular point using Scripture. I was in awe of her ability to still enjoy the Bible post cult. I'd barely opened mine in ten years. I wanted to, but every time I tried I heard that man's voice telling me that God wanted nothing to do with me, that I was no longer inside God's hedge of protection, that I'd been turned over to Satan. I was without hope. I felt hope-less. When my friend was preparing for this discussion with the Jehovah's Witness ladies, we were sitting outside at her mom's house at a patio table. She very casually asked me to look through the Bible she placed in front of me and find certain scriptures for her to help her make shorter work of what she was doing. I was dumbstruck! I was like, What, ME???? Are you kidding???? I can't do that – it's been YEARS. Fortunately, my friend is who she is and she just kinda giggled and said its okay, you can handle it. I need some help here and I know you can do this. That was the start of my return to my life as an active Christian. I opened the Bible and did as she asked. Sounds pretty simple now as I look back, but at the time it seemed so hugely difficult. She loved me into doing what I wanted to, but was afraid to do. I came to this church several times over a few years. Five years ago my little brother came to visit me and he wanted us to attend church together. I brought him here. We were both delighted to be allowed to partake of communion and talked for hours afterward about how great this church was, how sweet the fellowship here was. Then I started trying to come on my own, without my brother. He lives 800 miles from here. When I didn't talk myself out of it we'd arrive just in time for Sunday School if I could handle that, or just as the service was beginning if I didn't think I could handle actually talking to anybody. I still felt the sting of being kicked out of the cult. I was afraid to talk to you! I was afraid if you knew I'd been kicked out by the cult you'd judge me unworthy too. I was so full of fear, fear and guilt for being kicked out of a cult! Sounds bizarre even to MY ears now, but that's how I felt for years. I felt like I'd let God down and couldn't be forgiven. I tried to come to here several times and just plain chickened out in the parking lot and went back home without even getting out of the car. One time, my daughter and I came here and I had a panic attack right in the middle of the entryway out there! I froze where I was standing and just started to cry. My daughter was about to run off to Sunday school. I was panic-stricken and seriously unable to move. She asked me if I needed her to help me walk. I said no, but I gotta get out of here! She asked if she had to leave too, or could she go on down to Sunday school? I let her go and I made my way back out the door. I sat out in my car in the parking lot and just sobbed. I can't explain what that kind of fear is like. I wanted to be down there in the Sunday school class, but there I was - stuck out in the parking lot in my car, bawling like a baby feeling like once again I had failed God. After Sunday School my daughter came out to the car and we went home. I think that's the first time she started to really get how badly I'd been affected by the cult. I t took a lot of work to get to where I could actually just drive here and come inside the building and sit down and enjoy the service, much less participate in the coffee and donuts fellowship time and actually speak to people. Today I enjoy coordinating the refreshments for the Sunday morning fellowship time between the services and occasionally helping out in the nursery. That's as much as I've felt I had to give up until just recently. I spoke with the pastor here many times over those years. Seemed to be more than just a coincidence that I'd see him every now and then around town or over in the next town when I'd be at a gas station or bank, I didn't know a lot of people around here my first several years here, yet I kept seeing him, almost everywhere I went. I didn't run into other people like that til after I started coming here regularly, just this pastor! He was such a breath of fresh air. I felt so comfortable talking with him. I could feel the love of God in this man. He didn't care that I'd been kicked out of a cult. He wasn't afraid of me! He WANTED to talk to me. He wanted to know what I believed NOW. He wanted to share the love of God with me. He wanted to talk to me about Jesus! He knew and loved this couple I had told you about that were also ex-way and he wanted to get to know me, too. He didn't even flinch when I said I would never be able to actually become a member of His church, but I wanted to attend whenever I could physically get here. He welcomed me whenever I could make it. He said it wasn't HIS church, it was JESUS' church and EVERYBODY was welcome here. He didn't require me to change what I believed to line up with what he believed like the cult did. He told me this congregation would welcome me and love me no matter who had rejected me before. He asked me if only perfect people were allowed here how full did I think the pews would be? He said it was about loving the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and loving our neighbors as ourselves, not about what they could get from me. He loved me with the love of Jesus into loving myself again. What the cult stole from me, he helped me gain back. What I saw in the pastor I also saw in (names of 8 people here in my town) and so many other people here that I did speak with over the first several years I came here what I recognized as the love of Jesus. None of them expected anything out of me. They invited me to join them in what they were doing: Sunday School, fellowship dinners after the service, Bible studies, women's fellowships, outreach activities. They didn't ask me what my sin was like the cult did. They just continually showed me the love of Jesus! Now I'm strong again and able to show that love to others. It's no longer a struggle for me to get to church each week. It's more of a struggle for me to get through the week when I haven't made it to church. I'm so thankful to have found this congregation where I feel safe to come and simply worship God with other Christians. This congregation lives the great commandment as Jesus taught it! You all loved me through what I needed to get through and now I have something to give back. I think I'm one of those people the pastor mentioned last week about there are people that might be our neighbors who are just waiting to be loved into feeling welcome here. I'd like you to consider your neighbors or co-workers and friends – maybe there's somebody you know that might be like I was, who for whatever reason feels unworthy to enter a church but really wants to; they're just starving to feel welcome in a church and maybe you'd like to invite them to join us on a Sunday or maybe a Wednesday night. Thank you so much! God bless you! (January 2010)

Don't mind a bit, in fact I'm delighted you'd want to. I happen to come from a family of PROfessional grudge holders. Why, if you were mad at someone, I'd carry YOUR grudge and make it mine! In fact, my own sister has been carrying a grudge the way our mama taught us and was recently asked why she was so mad and she had to say that she couldn't remember WHY, just THAT she was mad. And she remains mad at that person still! So this stuff has really set me free. I've always known it was godly to forgive and really, the right thing to do, and that it didn't mean I had to actually restore the person I was mad at to their former place in my life, but I was keeping score like my life depended on it. Now I realize that my life depends on me letting go of that stuff. Sheesh, it's really much nicer living this way. WG - I had that verse in my original notes and somehow missed it in the final draft - I'll add it into the teaching for future opportunities. I've been asked to share that with another group and now it'll be even better. I really love that verse in the King James. Thanks! Oh, by the way, Socks - this wasn't my "testimony". I guess I hadn't posted that. I'll have to dig it out. Looks like bowtwi week at greasespotcafe. nyuk, nyuk, nyuk - notice, I didn't just say bowtwi day...

This might seem more appropriate for the Doctrinal forum, but please bear with my preference to see it here. I believe that The Way screwed up hugely where forgiveness is concerned and many of us have suffered because of it regardless of their intentions. My intention is to give anyone who would be so inclined as to consider these words the opportunity to do so and I think more people would see it here than in the Doctrinal forum. I personally was devastated by TWI having marked and avoided my son and me, falsely accusing us. I was told that we had been turned over to Satan and that God would not even spit in our direction. Forgiveness has been a huge hurdle for me in my life. Today I'm thankful to report that not only do I faithfully attend the church of my choice, but I was recently voted in as an elder of my church and am invited to teach regularly - ANYTHING I want to share and nobody previews it at all. This invitation came after I was asked to give my testimony (I had to have a discussion to be sure I knew what they meant by the word "testimony") and beginning immediately after that service requests were made of me to speak at a community christian women's event and I've been treated with great respect by "real" clergy people and I'm even included in the ministers' breakfast meetings. What I presented on forgiveness was to an audience of 120 people. My denomination has scholarships available for people like me so now I'm getting to unlearn the wrong teaching I learned in The Way and all the money that The Way kept when they tossed us out (and I know I agreed that if for any reason they kicked us out I would not get it back) doesn't feel like a loss anymore. My denomination is happy to sponsor me in a 3-year theology college that isn't even a requirement for a lay minister license! I just feel it's best for me to take the classes so I have a systematic way to study and unlearn or relearn as I see fit. I'm now getting to do what I set out to do when I signed on for the Way Corps. Talk about restoring that which the locusts have eaten!!! So, forgiveness. Here's what I shared with my congregation this week: Right smack in the middle of the Lord's Prayer is a beautiful treasure. Matt 6:12 And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. Jesus was giving an example of how to pray. He didn't just say and forgive us our debts. He didn't instruct them to vainly repeat this exact prayer. This was an example of how to pray. He said And forgive us our debts AS we forgive our debtors. That sets a condition. We're literally asking God to forgive us our debts the same way we forgive our debtors. We're setting the standard we'd like God to forgive us by. The way we treat others has a direct impact on our relationship with God. As long as we harbor unforgiveness toward others we'll never grow spiritually. Unforgiveness is like spiritual junk food - temporarily satisfying but really harmful in the long run. Unforgiveness is like me drinking poison and expecting the one who hurt me to die. Ray Pritchard said in The Healing Power of Forgiveness that there are four different words for forgiveness in the Bible - 3 Hebrew and one Greek words. The first Hebrew word means "to cover" - like using a rug to cover the dirt on your floor. The second one means "to lift and take away" - which happens when you remove a stain from a carpet. The third word means "to pardon" or "to wipe the record clean." The fourth word means "to let go" or to "send away" as when you release a prisoner from jail. When you put these words together you get a graphic picture of forgiveness. God covers our sin, He removes the inner stain, He wipes our personal record clean, and then He releases us from our guilt so we are set free. Hallelujah!!! In Isaiah 44:22 God blots out our sins as a thick cloud. In Jeremiah 31:34 God forgets our sins and remembers them no more. In Isaiah 3:17 God puts our sin behind His back. In Micah 7:19 God buries our sins in the depths of the sea In Psalm 103:12 God removes our sin as far as the east is from the west. Here's what Jesus said about why we should forgive others: Do not judge and you will not be judged. Do not condemn and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven. (Luke 6:37) and If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14-15) The greatest, most profound statement on this topic in the entire Bible - the finest, purest, brightest example of forgiveness - came from Jesus Himself. When He hung on the cross dying, condemned to death by evil men who plotted to murder Him and produced lying witnesses to convict Him, as He surveyed the howling mob assembled to cheer His suffering, Jesus the Son of God, the One who knew no sin, the only truly innocent man who ever walked this sin-cursed planet, uttered some words that still ring across the centuries: "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing (Luke 23:34). Many of us say, "If only the people who hurt me would show some remorse, some sorry, then maybe I would forgive them.' But that rarely happens and we use other people's inaction to continue in our bitterness, our anger and our desire to get even. Consider Jesus. No-one seemed very sorry. Even as He said those words the crowd laughed, mocked, cheered and jeered. Those who passed by hurled insults at Him. They taunted Him, "If you're the King of Israel, come down from the cross and save Yourself." Let's be clear on this point: When He died, the people who put him to death were quite pleased with themselves. Pilate washed his hands of the whole sordid affair. The Jewish religious leaders hated Him with a fierce, irrational hatred. They were happy to see him suffer and die. No-one said, "I was wrong. This is a mistake. We were such fools." And yet, He said, "Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." This is precisely what we must say if we are going to follow Jesus. We must say it to people who hurt us deliberately and must say it to those who casually and thoughtlessly wound us. We must say it to those closest to us, to our husband or wife, to our children, to our parents, to our friends, to our neighbors, to our brothers and sisters, to our fellow Christians. Some things forgiveness does not mean: It does not mean approving of what someone else did. It does not mean pretending that evil never took place. It does not mean making excuses for other people's bad behavior. It does not mean justifying evil so that sin somehow becomes less sinful. It does not mean overlooking abuse. It does not mean denying that others tried to hurt you repeatedly. It does not mean letting others walk all over you. It does not mean refusing to press charges when a crime has been committed. It does not mean forgetting the wrong that was done. It does not mean pretending you were never hurt. It does not mean you must restore the relationship to what it was before. It does not mean you must become friends again. It does not mean there must be a total reconciliation as if nothing ever happened. It does not mean that you must tell the person you have forgiven them. It does not mean that all negative consequences of sin are canceled. Forgiveness, in its essence, is a decision to refuse to live in the past. It's a conscious choice to release others from their sins against you so that you can be set free. It doesn't deny the pain or change the past, but it does break the cycle of bitterness that binds you to the wounds of yesterday. Forgiveness allows YOU to let go and move on and grow spiritually. Forgiveness isn't an optional part of the Christian life. It is a necessary part of what it means to be a Christian. If we're going to follow Jesus, we must forgive. We have no other choice. And we must forgive as God has forgiven us - completely, freely, graciously, totally. The miracle we have received we pass on to others. We will forgive to the extent we appreciate how much we've been forgiven. The best incentive to forgiveness is to remember how much God has already forgiven us. Think of how many sins He has covered for you. Think of the punishment you deserved that didn't happen to you because of God's grace. Jesus said, "He who has been forgiven little loves little." (Luke 7:47) Your willingness to forgive is in direct proportion to your remembrance of how much you have been forgiven. In order to experience the healing power of forgiveness, we need two things: soft hearts and courage. Some of us have been so deeply hurt by what others have done to us. In response we chose to become hard on the inside to protect ourselves from any further pain. But that hardness has made it difficult for us to hear the gentle call of the Holy Spirit. We need soft hearts to hear His voice. And then we need courage. The timid will never forgive. Only the brave will forgive. Only the strong will have the courage to let go of the past. Mother Teresa said, "It is by forgiving that one is forgiven."