ChattyKathy

Excath, There have been times I wanted to come grab you and just run away to somewhere safe. Somewhere that no one can ever hurt us again at. A place where we can kick off our shoes and not lock the doors and dance on the rooftops or run down the streets in our bare feet with no fear of even a splinter. I can't believe how our lives have ran so similar. It blows my mind and to be honest at times I can't read your words here because it makes me feel like you and I are back there under their hold on us. It makes me scream inside to think men took us as babies and then took us again as adults. I get over the top emotional about this stuff and really need to find a balance. I love you dear one. Kathy

Abi, I can't bring your post here because it won't include my quotes and you know how confusing that appears. Many of your points are right on and yes I want to extend empathy because I had to give forgiveness not to turn into another form of monster myself. And this is as open as I know how to be my friend. If I don't allow the worst of animals the benefit of becoming healthy under God and therapy then it holds back my healing. It's just how I'm made up and no doubt grew out of having to pretend like grandpa was a good man when around family knowing once they left he would become a bad man towards me. I had to build things in my thinking patterns to survive. Perhaps I haven't broken some of them down good enough yet. Would I allow this man with my child or any child? Not now not ever! Yet I still have to allow that an abuser can be worked with and still deserves to breathe air. I'm not able in my head or heart to take his life. I will be heading out of the office now if replied to. Kathy

Excath, I think that my implication was fairly obvious and so my reply to you was curt. I apologize for that. Kathy

If you say so.

Abi, I understand what you are saying you have some very logical points that I think he should clarify. And would imagine he will if he doesn't decide to split first. I suspect I'll never get over the fact that there are those around me saying once your scarred you can never recover. To me that is calling God a liar first then myself a liar as well. As you know I have put a great deal of work and energy in climbing above my memories. I've wondered why I even stay here at times because some things just rack and ruin my mental health in light of this. Yet I love this community and continue to knock me off what could appear my high horse when I expect others to recover also. I also consider the eyes of twi and how we are used as their example of what happens when you leave twi, how folks become animals towards each other. It p!$$es me off that we give them any room to even consider that about us here. Call it personal pride I don't know what it is but it really does bug me to know they receive satisfaction when we go after each other like dogs. There are many of us here that know experientially what it feels like to have our bodies taken against our will. And there are many men here that know what it feels like to have their authority as a human taken against their will as well. We are a mix that will never agree with each other and that is not the problem. The problem is that when someone comes into our house and looks in the least bit like the abuser we want his balls and gawd help the person if they get out alive some times. I just wish we didn't have to lung as a group in the direction we do at times. But I guess I can leave the board and not be concerned about it anymore also. Kathy

Abi, I had to hurry back and read you again, I'll make up for the time here, I'm honest with that and they know I give more than I even ask payment for. Something to think about Kathy, and I speak boldly to you because we are friends and I care . . . people who have been victims of abuse, sexual or otherwise, often become overly empathetic with other people. Their boundary lines are blurred. Predators who see that empathy in you will take advantage of it. I suspect you have hit on something there in regards to me. And perhaps that is part of what makes it so hard for me to hear the same ole when someone tries to address in post doing what is right to become healthy. And your other points are valid ones, some of which I lightly hit on myself in reply to anothen. As well I know my lack of sympathy could anger some here but if I allowed that to concern me much I'd just leave the board and as is evident I've not left. I love you for what you are saying to me, things you said in private as well, things for my own personal safety, of which isn't secure even now which is no secret around her either. I guess I would rather run into harms way to get out of the hell I was in rather than wallow in it another day and I shouldn't place that expectation on others, best I just do what I do now and selectively read around here. Kathy

Abi, My work load has pulled me away and I can't even read your whole post to me with any understanding due to needing to get back to it here but one thing I have never considered you as and that is a victim. You have always been a rock solid soul that lays it out as you see it and takes it with grace if given out to you. I will read you and answer as soon as I can. I just had to let you know I can't right now. (((((you))))) Kathy

RG, You are indeed one of a kind and I'm so thankful you came our way. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ To anyone reading, I'm glad that God is the forgiver and not us humans because if left up to us some would damn us to hell for our sins and feel like they were justified until the day they awoke to their Master and He informed then He never made them boss. I think this man needs to consider the damage done to the girl WITHOUT question and I see he's getting sufficient council regarding it. I also think this man needs to CONTINUE a form of therapy if there are any residual thoughts it was in any way just a man's privates doing the thinking. And right here and now if someone comes on and jumps down my throat because this is a family forum then you better start reading this place a little better. IT IS NOT A CHILD'S FORUM!!!!! I also know this and that is some cling to the perpetual victim thinking as if it were their badge of honor (ever hear me say that before, uh huh, about a million times) and MYSELF being a victim am sickened by the abused as much as the abuser when it is continually brought up. It CALLS ME A LIAR each and every time it is paraded about here. IF I who was abused, raped, beaten and verbally treated like crap can recover then so can ANYONE!!!!! Am I perfect? Hell no! Am I still somewhat over the top in the sex department? Hell yes! But I am also not going to stand on my right to cry "oh poor me, I was so abused, please kiss it and make it better ever freaking day". My gawd! I swear this just enrages me as much as having a man on top of me taking me against my will!!!!!!!!!!!!

My grandmother being the only one that knew of my abuse aside from me and grandpa was a mean person and she treated me like I was less than the dirt she walked on. At graduation from high school her other grandchildren received things like cars from her but I was given a check for 2.00 of which I never cashed just so she would have to be aggravated about it each time she reconciled her check book. Then on her death bed still being the only living person knowing of my abuse aside from me (grandpa had died) she sent me a note wanting me to forgive her yet never saying she was sorry or deserved it. She just wanted me to forgive her because somehow I guess that was going to buy her something in the hereafter. I never replied to her and she died. I have no guilt at all for not forgiving her in the least bit. But I did forgive other abusers of mine without them asking or even deserving it because I had to do it for me. It was not for them in the least bit, it was only for me and it was what I had to do to continue my healing process. I believe God is big enough to cover the abuser and abused and does so if and when we go to Him for help. But I also know it will never go away in my mind no matter how much I refuse to dwell on my past. I know it still resides. As the victim I had to move forward or I'd taken me out. I've been at the door of suicide more than once and will never return to it because I am healthier now. As the abuser I believe you have to take steps to acknowledge the sickness that dwelled within and seek professional help to come to grips with the whys. I also believe that those who have abused can be a huge part of aiding in the ones trying to break free from that hold which I have accepted as what you are doing here. No question of it there are abusers reading our forum whether they ever register and post or not. As well twi keeps an eye on us and nothing goes unnoticed by them. I rather enjoy the fact they have to use their ABS to pay one of their staff just to read us. If I had anything to offer you at this point I would be careful in accepting that she is doing quite nicely, until she gets help herself she might be just waiting to hit the wall. I am glad you came here, this is something no one has done to my knowledge and I believe it will benefit beyond my understanding.

Beautifully stated!

You are a joy to give the tiniest of things to; you have such a grateful heart. :)

Just putting them together impresses me and I can't wait to see how they are linked.

Anothen, I wish that my sexual abusers including my grandpa that began at 4 would have told me they were sorry for what was done to me. Reading your honesty and the efforts made to aid in your healing took enormous courage and I thank you for bringing it here to us. I have my moments/days of wanting to scream or make someone pay for my life have been stolen from repeatedly but they are fewer as each day passes so I know you can overcome the worst of experiences to some degree myself. For me it took unloading the deepest of my secrets which wasn't done here but many of my secrets have been posted through the years of my being a part of this community and I have gained in ways that have added back to my life rather than taken from it like the nightmares had. I don't agree with everyone here and in fact I know some of the things brought here to be one sided because of my being in the room when the incident occurred or having first hand exposure in another form but I have grown to learn that abuse is a deep impact of which can render the abused with a lifeboat need to hold onto it as they think it happened and am working on backing off of my frustration regarding it being conveyed inaccurately. And I have also stopped reading the way forum because that is where it seems to stir my insides the most and I do it for my personal mental health. And despite the paragraph above I love this community and pray for them daily because no matter how big or little the abuse was that is something we have in common and we wouldn't come here at all if we didn't still need the strength and friendship of this group. I welcome you and hope that you find continued healing as you cry and laugh with us. Kathy

Satori, I'm glad folks show their butts around here just so you can help cover it with your wit and style. Me

George, I honestly can't connect them.

Please tell him she has my prayers, he's a good man.

Are you saying they are doing that in reverse in regular order?

I can actually hear you saying your name. How is DialThis btw?

For you Act2. :)

Perhaps this was the spot he was looking for but came in here in error.

Yes I agree there needs to be a balance. Although at the moment I would like to be on the front lines with a few groups and just get the deal over with.

Good, and I guess I could have guessed that.

;)

T-Bone, Please don't let my post infer you were being rude, I was just playing with waysider myself.

I had a voice message here from Sunday that was close to 3 minutes in length of which I listened to every second of. It was from a Days Inn in Hendersonville NC with someone playing a guitar and never saying a word. Usually they are men breathing into the phone while they are taking care of other matters. I know they weren't waysider but I just had to smile when I read your post T-Bone. :)