ChattyKathy

I posted without seeing you dear. I think that is what has been very eye-opening about all this because it is the first time anything of this nature has been posted that I have seen also. And I think it has shown me we can't accommodate the abuser, even though this is a poor example of a person being truly remorseful, it still shows we can't handle them here like we can the ones abused. IMHO. I have to leave now.

Before I leave for awhile which is necessary for my own mental health due to allowing this to make me sick I wanted to state again: I don't think this man handled this right. I question his remorse more now than I did when I first posted. God is bigger than we can understand if we believe it or not. I would never allow someone that abused to be with my child if God was standing in plain view next to them and I knew they had gotten His forgiveness for it. The abused are welcomed but I don't believe for the greater part we want the abuser to post with us here. I want this to be what it is an adult forum and not be called a family web site, since the first day I posted here it has not been a family web site, twi abuses to us were not for the greater part what children should be reading without a parent at their side. If we want a site for our children there are hundreds of them out there to pick from. Bye.

What I have learned and views I realize I hold so far (outside of my own weaknesses) is that this place is to help heal the adults that were abused. I just don't think children should be allowed to read this forum at all unless the adult is sitting there prepared to explain our reactions and understandings and the trolls that come and go. And that we welcome the abused but we don't have the same feelings about the abuser, and that is bigger than this man that the more I read the more I see has shown no true remorse, and it saddens me to have had to learn those boundaries were part of our forum.

I agree about his minimizing and blaming and phrases like told he had crossed the line and such does not indicate he honestly knew he'd crossed the line. If he had he would have said that whole thing differently. I also know you are not hardened. I don't know those boundaries myself. I don't know how protective I can become of myself without being hardened. I honestly don't. I just don't want someone that might honestly come here for aid to be chased off because we don't like the abusers. I realize we can't fix them but they should be allowed to at least express themselves and if the only thing we can say in return is we don't have the answers but we suggest you seek professional aid then we would have given back rather than do what VP taught on teaching the alcoholic how horrible his sin was, the man knew more than VP every could have known about the disabling of excessive drinking, he had come there for direction.

I agree about not being hardness to keep myself safe but we are allowed to speak of our abuses yet we are not allowed to speak of our abusing? I don't care if he is a legit or Craig but I do care that we are calling terms that sound similar to the ones I escaped from when I left twi. We don't and never will know the heart of anyone; at times we don't know our own hearts. But we can't just slam someone down that is seeking help here. However I have said more than once that he sounds unrepentant in his phrasing and if that has been lost in my empathy towards him I do apologize for that as I know I can be cloudy in my explanations at times.

Abi, I continue to learn from you and am grateful for it. And my believing God is bigger than us is not in contrast to your knowledge. I personally don't want to become a hardened person because of my history but I also don't want to be an easy mark. I reckon there is a balance there somewhere that I am still seeking. But we risk becoming what we left behind if we censor people that come here legitimately for aid and that is bigger than this one man regardless of his being legit or a trouble maker. I don't have the answers; I just have the questions inside me. Kathy

Thank you.

Sometime I wish I stayed up all night because I swear when I wake up and have 20 or more email notifications in my in box I don't even know where to begin usually.

Thank you Abi and you are correct about my not giving out my personal information. I can't join the side saying there is no recovery though, but I can join your thoughts of being able to live amongst us as a registered offender and never allowed within 10 feet of our children without there being ample protectors in the group, certainly never allowed to interact with children or teens ever again on a one on one. If I didn't believe God could and would forgive the worst of human animals then He wouldn't be the God I serve. But I know God can forgive and forget and the best I can do is forgive. I also feel anyone allowing their children to read this thread needs to be sitting there beside them explaining every aspect of it and that is going against my first choice of never allowing our children to frequent this board unless we are present because it is not a child/family board, it is an adult one where we as adults should be allowed to speak freely for our healing, and if we feel there is worth for our children here then it is our responsibility as the adult to explain it to them in their way of understanding. This guy could be a troll but that doesn't change the fact God is bigger than him or us here.

I'm not understanding fully but I think I'm too spread out in threads right now. I'll try to get my head around what I'm missing.

I don't know who this person is that y'all are talking about but I think the material we talk about on this forum is not children material and hasn't been since the first day I posted here. We talk about sex abuse and things of this nature which is part of what twi was. I'm sorry if I'm disagreed with but I do not believe children should be allowed to read around here period. It is an adult board.

I think the mods are great but I have no idea what y'all are talking about.

Morning to you also. And I hope it's a good day. We ended up with a tad of snow on the ground this morning.

I'm crashing myself. We head out the last weekend of this month. And let me talk to him and see our travel direction. Because we don't want to do it all in a day, we are taking a couple of days so it won't be too hard on us. We changed plans though. Now we are having his van hauled on one of those grasshopper thingees and the car on a car hauler behind the moving truck we will both be inside of and he will be doing all the driving. Sweet dreams dear.

I was waiting for you to bring him next. ;) Have fun sweetie and show hubby what you can do now, he'll think you are even cooler than he already thinks you are.

Awesome, you brought us your family in song. Gosh, I should have offered to help you, I'm but thankful you got wonderful help. And RG, that is one of my favorite songs of JT's....Up on the Roof....I can smell the air and hear the street sounds when I listen to it. I'm sorry I missed this thread until now.

Abi, I think in some ways you are talking about me and excath aren't you? We are both willing to get too close, look at what we both did in this thread alone.

I'm glad because that just compounded my head problems. I'm real glad you didn't go in that direction. I think there have been some excellent posts on this thread, and some incredible hearts shown. RG's story with the kids just makes me cry inside.

Excath, Did you ever feel envy towards the other little girls that you knew had no understanding of your hell? I did. In fact I think it has something to do with why even now I prefer the company of men and have only just begun to give women the respect and honor they deserve, with a few friends I have outside of this forum who have provided me with faith in how women can be incredibly powerful and tender at the same time. Okay so it was some I realize.

Oh my goodness. I just can't see children as being sexual. My goodness. I swear as each year goes by we have to take more and more of their innocence away just to keep them safe. I can't imagine raising a child today, I just can't imagine what you parents have to face, how you have to teach them about the bad people out there.

You mean you may know who he is or who I am? :unsure:

All you were suppose to say? What do our issues have to do with your issues? You were not allowed to post here because of who? I welcomed you and still feel everyman has the right to have their dignity restored but you said things that were red flags to folks here that have studied mental health professionally as well as those who have lived thru abuse and then us that have sought therapy also. I didn't throw you out with the trash dude. But I would like to see you reply to the ones that have asked honest questions. But now you are leaving?

I can take pages to say what you say in one line.

I think you and I are doing the same thing excath. And I've seen no matter how you might hurt inside you extend yourself and can be touched deeply. It's what Abi is warning us about and maybe this thread is for us to grow outside of other things that might come about because of it. And I think that the points brought out by others here need to be addressed by Anothen again. Because without question to consider children being aggressive sexually is not appropriate thinking for an adult. That keeps coming back to me as I back off my emotions.