another spot

Well, thanks to all.....!! I am closing the store, I have actually been thinking about it for around a month. I called today and ordered the utilities turned off at the end of March. At first I felt sad, now I just feel relieved. I wasn't recognizing waybrain till I started this thread. When business first started slowing down a year ago I blamed myself for not knowing enough. I studied marketing, all kinds of things. Then when things started getting really hairy I decided it was spiritual. You know the rest.... Anyway, it will be a major relief to get my life back. Normal hours (not 12 hour days 6 days a week). Do something that doesn't consume me 24/7. I am going to plant some flowers. I am going to take a week off. Then......one step at a time.

Of course weakness brings down strength brought about a host of tactics, one of which was genuine spiritual suspicion. Then detail of how to carry that out. Leaders were acting out of fear of what would happen to their twig, state ect if they didn’t get alert. One I remember clearly was a TC was to give counsel (invited or not) on the premise anything you said was divine inspired ie you were given the responsibility, therefore God would provide the guidance. SO the person receiving the counsel needed to follow thru and receive results. If not, then they weren’t believing, possessed or some such. And a lot of weird ways to measure if they really got results or not. Some folks, such as my ex-spouse admitted to the accusation (true or not) out of sheer terror of the consequences of not “coming clean.” (I won’t answer any specific questions about this. It feels like violating his privacy. If he wants to tell the story, he’s welcome to do so.) I also remember when this all started, I left one state where it wasn’t that way and moved to another which was into it full bore. TC meeting teachings sounded like a foreign language to me at the time. It was months before I started to make sense of them. Was LCM on LSD during this time? And we were supposed to be moving into the promised land at the time. Yikes!!!!! Kansas, that's pretty terrible. Remember PFAL, VPW talked about people not liking the tie he wore etc. Changed his tune I guess.

Unfortunately, I assisted....The LC conducted the initial meeting at my house. I was the TC wife. Of all the ones I had to participate in, this one sticks out in my mind as the most rediculous. Horribly unjust. Petty. Then the day came when my husband was accused of being homo. I got the boot too because well, if I'd been a proper wife he wouldn't have been homo. Darn, I just couldn't come with anything to say in my monthly letters to prove I was OK again. Then I discovered Way Dale and decided I didn't want to go back. As traumatic as it was, it was also the best thing.

Something struck me funny..... The first person to discover/learn/whatever how to start a fire. Who taught him? How about the first person to make bread or pasta? The light bulb. Etc. Sort of a chicken and the egg thing. If the only way you could know something is if you're taught first, then no one would know anything because someone had to get there first to teach the other, but then who taught them??? Just, just can't get to the beginning! I think that's called circular reasoning.... The real meaning of the statement: You can't know anything unless I teach you. You can't go very far without me.

Thanks, folks. And thanks for the welcome. "God has a great big hug for you and he wants you to hang out with him again". I really liked that one. Other comments too. I spent a lot of time on Way Dale. That helped a lot. Then shut it all off and refused to think about it anymore. Went to Grease Spot a few times. Guess it's time to do more now. As for the business, I own a video store. I should have done more homework before I started. If I had, I would not have started it. And yep, I've consulted with experts. It's just a very competitive business and the big boys keep offering deals that lose money to compete with each other. Us smaller ones don't have the bucks to do that. That's why you don't see many independents. We don't get the big discounts on movies, either. "Lean not unto thine own understanding". That whole verse has been my theme song for a week now. And, I guess that's partly what brought me back to Grease Spot and to church. My own understanding isn't enough. I need time with folks who've been through TWI because no one else gets it. I need time with those who never have. Because they never have. I hope to give something back to you some time. Today I needed something. Thanks for giving it to me.

You see he wore old dress shoes from the 80's and it was late 90's. (They were in good condition, and polished). The LC was spiritually suspicous his mind had not moved forward into LCM's promised land. He still loved the old TWI. Didn't object to the new TWI, just still liked the old. And that was, well, wrong. More than wrong. So the old TWI had become evil. I dunno, I feel like I've done a good thing to make something last a long time. Think it's called stewardship.

To me this very statement epitomizes the bottom line of what was wrong with TWI. My niece sang me a song when she was five. It was called the Button Factory. Complete with hand motions. “Turn that knob with the left hand.” Problem A: Insert verse or collateral into Slot B. Didn’t work? Go back to the Blue Book. You’re not believing. Always knobs to turn. TWI is just a bunch of mental gymnastics. We had KNOWLEDGE no one else had. Ours was rightly divided. It was accurate. We were proud of it. We wanted to save the world with it. We could go beyond everyone else because we had it. We thought we were beyond them. We were God’s elite. We weren’t destroyed. We kept paying big money to go to classes we couldn’t afford. Can’t miss out on the new knowledge. And if you didn’t have the money you weren’t believing. Puke. Puke. Puke. It was performance based because it was knowledge based. No other way it could go from there. And the statement assumes no one can learn anything on their own. Huh?

It’s been seven years… I’m still reluctant to read the Bible. I don’t trust my own conclusions because I still don’t know how much of what I think is Waybrain, what is right or wrong. I prefer to stay away from doctrinal stuff and stick to inspirational or comforting things. I’ve started going to church recently. The people there are nice. The sermon was on the parables about being lost then found (the shepherd leaving the 99 to look for the lost sheep). At first I didn’t like it. It felt intellectual and left me feeling hungry still. But as I think about it, I realize in a great sense I have been lost. Not in the sense of being born again, but in the sense of no spiritual direction. I don’t know where the road is. I used to think I did. Was I ever on it? I don’t think so. So maybe he hit the mark after all. I still have many questions and few answers. I still have no idea how to approach life on a day to day basis from a spiritual perspective. I have had 2 months from hell. If it could go wrong, it has. If it was mechanical it broke. My business is failing. I have had numerous people come to my store and say negative things like, “I never see any cars in your parking lot. Are you doing OK?” I still owe $26,000 on it….It honestly feels like the devil has settled a big cloud on my business. Like a wall of defeat. Anything to stress me out or make me feel bad. Every day is a fight to keep my attitude up. And right now when I really need answers, I don’t have them. I don’t know what to do. Reading about the spiritual battle just makes me tired and think of TWI.....I would appreciate prayers. Anyone else been here? How did you get out?