Eyesopen

I totally agree with Ted and dmiller. I don't like having my life or anyone else's regulated so closely by the government. Here in Nevada it is still legal to carry a gun on the street even if you don't have a CCW. The logic behind that? It's not concealed if you are carrying it. Of course if you were to actually do this somebody would stop you to find out what the heck you were doing. I've only actually seen it once and the man was taking it to the pawn shop and it was more legal to carry it in the open than it was to put it in a case. Go figure. We have lots of folks that have guns in the back window of their pick up. There are places that those vehicles cant go, like schools or the parking lots around federal buildings, or the parking lots around the state capital. I think everywhere else is fair game. It is state law that people have the right to protect themselves and their family and property. Case in point: A man had stopped at a local car wash to wash his car. Two young men approached him brandishing guns and attempted to car jack him. He pulled out a gun and killed one and wounded the other. He had a CCW. The case never went to court. The DA refused to prosecute. It was a legal shooting. I carry several guns at work, various caliber and types. I own several guns of my own of various caliber and types. I have only had to pull my gun once at home, and it was recently. They got the point and left before something bad happened to them. I guess they decided my truck wasn't worth it. I guess Nevada is still the old west in some ways.

It wasn't the intent of LEAD. The advertised intent was Leadership, Education, Adventure and Direction. But I think that it became a vehicle for TWI to "make or break" people much as the interim Corps assignments. As I said "the entire premise was wacked". People were supposed to believe God to know how to climb rocks, what by osmosis? Revelation? Word of Wisdom or Knowledge? Whatever....

Ummmm....what color is it? Does anyone know? I mean a girl has to know what to ware...right?

Yup, I'm a real live scholar, got a 96% Does kind of suck that they don't tell you which ones you got wrong.

Indeed! One can only use them, all the experience and experiences, good and bad to make your life better. Welcome to the spot! Where we hang up the nametags and interact as a family should. love ya bro!

Ahh, Mr. Fin...Mr. there are no traffic lights in America longer than 5 seconds. Whatever! <_< They got you lost? Amazing! Perhaps not so much...maybe just ridiculous is more appropriate. :wacko: As for being a writer believer it or not I find it very difficult writing fiction. It always sounds so juvenile to me. But my posts here of my stories will probably someday be a book, and I have actually written a cookbook that will be out before Christmas this year,(barring any more complications) and once my Masters is completed I am going to publish another book of a more serious nature that is waiting for the spit and polish and a few pictures (and I need to triple verify some facts before I publish). Should be mid 2008. I have begun work on my second serious book, ie not a cookbook. My second cookbook will begin as soon as the first is published. Lots of books on the near horizon, but none like this story. This one is a piece of me. I have been saving all of my posts and some of my emails to a specific file and when the time comes I will compile them. I wish I could write fiction, it always sounds so wonderful in my head but I just cant seem to get it to come together on the page. Oh well...

I flunked...hmmmgh :blink:

Rev. L@rry L@rson

Oh how I truly loathed church. I would volunteer to work at ANYTHING to get out of it. We couldn't sneak off of campus. Bless patrol had been increased quite a bit. The Debil was after us so we had to lock the gates and man the ramparts dontcha know! And Attendance? We didn't need no stinkin' attendance, we was locked in! Practically had to have a hall pass to walk around the grounds...well maybe not as bad as all that...all the time. It was kinda fun evading the Storm Troopers to sneak a little "alone" time in the grass at night with someone special...or so I heard I'm sorry were we talking about church?

Thank you all so much for your high praise of my humble efforts at writing. Dog Lover, I think that you may be right, she probably did spell it that way. Frankly I cannot remember ever seeing it written. She was just someone that I knew. I never actually looked at her nametag because I didn't need to. I could hear her coming, didn't even have to look. Even for the '80's her hair was far and above (literally) everyone elses. (I couldn't find a smiley guy with any hair) FW and WW, you are right things just keep coming up and we here at GS are just a small fraction of the people that were once involved with TWI. The possibilities are mind boggling! :wacko: A la prochaine (Little froggie girl), and everyone else that isn't so good at climing rocks...it's ok...'cause you are good at something that rock climbers can't do. Their entire premise was a little wacked. At least it was by the time I went LEAD and it sounds like it was when some of you did as well. Froggie girl, I am sorry to hear about the treatment that you endured. Blisters are no joke. They can cripple a person until they heal. I remember asking God to please not let them send me out LEAD again in my last year in res. Came about that I had no last year in res. So I guess he answered that one clear enough. I think they canned the program by then as well. Anyway, I am pleased that ya'll liked the way I told my story. And thanks for your patience (or impatience 'Listener') in letting me write it. One thing I like about this place is that here we can take off our nametags and interact like a family should, each according to his/her gifts or strengths. Truly a fellowship.

And here I thought I was just a sun worshipper!

That was great! The whole car, zombie act...scared the heck out of my niece last night!! Hahahaha I nearly laughed myself into a coma.

So are you going to do the bucket in the closet thing, or just pee in the kitchen sink?

Now that is an interesting proposition...let me ponder it over night. I actually would have loved LEAD, or could have loved LEAD. I had been looking forward to it, all except the hitchhiking part because my parents had taught me to never hitchhike because it was just too dangerous. I really wrestled with that. But anyway...I love the snow and have been known to slide head first on my back all the way down the second tallest mountain in Nevada (13065 ft). No it is nowhere near Lake Tahoe, those are the other mountains, we climbed the Snake range and the Rubies on the other side of the state just a little over a year before. Just to see the oldest living trees in the world. Almost lost one of our party when he mistepped in the snow and went through where there was no ground. But we were tied together so we just anchored up and pulled him back. It was kind of scary but once we got back down to the lake we all had a good laugh about it. We teased him that there was certainly some yellow snow on the mountain with his name on it now. It was fun and novel, we signed our names on the ledger in the mailbox at the top, took some really great pictures and had the best slide of my life, on my back, head first, I only bounced off of a couple of rocks all the way down till we ran out of snow. It was awsome! LEAD could have been like that, but it wasn't.

And this is why some of us after being kicked out of the Corps or TWI went on to abusive relationships. Because it is where we felt comfortable and where we thought we belonged. As usual Belle you have provided us with a comprehensive bit of information to chew on, Thank you.

Suspense is wonderful...have to keep my ratings up! Never fear I will give you a few days or weeks to catch up on your beauty sleep.

Sorry to have kept you awake last night...suspense is wonderful isn't it? It's the time zone thing, ya'll were going to bed when I was coming in... Just wait for the next story. Writing this one was very helpful to me. Anyway cut and paste as you like. Like I said it may all end up in a book someday. So you got an advanced screening. :P

Edi darlin, I've not met you yet but I have to tell you, you have one wicked avatar...I shudder to think of looking at that bird sway back and forth...after a pint of drambouie...ooooh dizzy. :wacko: Anyways, nice to meet you!!

Unbelievable...or at least it should be...I just don't understand the mentality. I mean this is SUPPOSED to be of God? Hmmmph! Which God? I do kind of wish ATM's had been invented back then. Ahh it was 1980 something... Rascal, I'll let you hold her just for the fun of it, and if you want I'll hold her for you. But we must be careful she has claws... Hmmm...I was NEVER good at a@@ kissing. Although most of the time I just walked away and didn't say anything. But my mouth and my non-conformist type attitude is why I am no longer a Catholic. Should have heard what I said to that poor Deacon. Is it any wonder that my niece (who I now have guardianship of) is just like me. Get this, She was asked on a quiz in Science, "What is evolution?" Her answer, "A word" The teacher got mad. But then I said did you ask "What is the theory of evolution?" or just "What is evolution?" Hmmm....her answer wasn't wrong...

Once back at the Chalet we found out that all of those that had been injured in some way had been taken to the hospital and then some were being shipped back to Emporia, a few had been sent to hospitals that had more advanced trauma units. Of the few that remained at the Chalet only four would be hitchhiking back to Emporia. The others, two or three (I cant remember) had the flu and would be remaining until they were well enough to be flown back to Emporia. I endured the sweat lodge because I was so filthy I could bearly stand myself. (I am horribly claustophobic if there is no cold air running across my face. In other words I can be in an open field and if it is too hot I will panic. Left over from a hopitalization when I was four. Spent two weeks in one of those incubator type beds with no physical human contact, I was not allowed to see my parents, it was hot and they kept sticking me with needles. Needles make me puke. Anyway...the sweat lodge...was another challenge of monumental proportion.) But I survived the sweat lodge to emerge mostly clean, then I took the longest shower that they would allow of me. Over dinner we asked questions about our friends but were given no further information. After breakfast the next morning we left for Emporia without another word being spoken about anything. Michael and I had a rough time getting back to Emporia. At one point we ended up on a deserted highway and had no idea where we were (but that's another story all in itself, and right now I cant for the life of me remember how we got there on that highway in the middle of no where.) We spent our $10 on what I don't remember but on the last leg of the trip home, and we were cutting it way too close, we got picked up by a local Emporian. He asked us how much time we had and we told him, so he sped up. He asked if we still had our money, we had to tell him that we did not, he gave us $10 and dropped us off at the gate with about 25 minutes to spare. He wished us Gods speed and drove away. (You think that was cool, just wait for the deserted highway adventure...that was really cool!) It was well after dark when we arrived, we were informed that we had missed dinner. They told us that if we wanted a sandwich we could go make one in the kitchen. Neither of us having ever stepped into the kitchen before and not in the highest of spirits thanks to our welcoming committee, declined the offer. Then we were told that we had a meeting in a half an hour with the great and wonderful Farts. Michael said something under his breath about barely having time to shower and one of our welcoming commitee said "Well, if you had been earlier you would have more time." Said of course in the snottiest of tones. We just walked away. We made it to the meeting with a few minutes to spare. The happy cheery group that had a performed Tinnie Tinnie just a short week previous did not attend that meeting. A group of half starved, angry and bedraggled warriors straight from active combat attended that meeting. With the noteable exception of Miss Carrie and her butt buddies who were acting like they had just won the lotto. The Farts entered the room with the same pseudo smile that anyone wears when they are doing something that they do not want to do but are trying not to show it. Cindy, well trained by her father, noted the atmosphere of the room and immediately took the lead away from Michael. (Anytime things got a little bumpy, Cindy was in charge and Michael was just support. She wore the pants and everyone knew it.) Cindy sent someone out to russle up some food. Apparently we were the last ones in, but only by a few minutes. Cindy tried to relax everyone by trying to make the room appear more casual. It had been set up like a small teaching room, strung chairs and all. She pulled two chairs out and put them in front of the other chairs, she didn't use the cushy ones from the stage. Then she said "Gather around, lets make a circle." Once everyone was seated she said something to the effect of "I know you all had a rough time out there, but it's all over now. You're home." No-one spoke, it became uncomfortable...then out of nowhere Carrie in her annoying sing song manner started talking about how much fun she had....I tuned her out because the second she opened her mouth, I wanted to kill her. I got a wonderfully clear mental image of that last rock that "I didn't finish" and Carrie falling off of it...horribly unrenewed of me I know. ..I asked God to forgive me for that one and I could have swore I heard him chuckle...just my imagination to be sure. :unsure: The meeting went by with a blur, I remember eating a lot of sandwiches and drinking a gallon of koolaid. Oh yeah and thinking of several other inventive ways to silence the cheap Farrah F@wcett knock off. Her blathering made it impossible for anyone to get any real information from the Farts about those that were in the hospital. It struck me later, I am embarrassed to say that we didn't even have a group prayer for them. (We did in twig the next day, I think it was the next day, but never as a school, or a house hold.) The next week or so we were all kept extremely busy. I'm not talking normal busy, I'm talking can't stop to breath busy. I was transfered out of Housekeeping into the kitchen, morning duty. You know get up at 3am, never see anyone, sleep 3-5 hours every night if your lucky...yeah that job. Looking back I can see that all of us that were on that LEAD trip were separated from each other. If we saw each other at all it was at a SNS or Corps night. We all were given jobs that would interfere with eating at the designated meal times. Then about half way through that first week I got the call to go to the emerald city to see the great and powerful Id, time to debrief. So I step into his office and the first thing that I notice is that his desk is much to short for a scarecrow. He looked up at me with that Vice-Principal look that he stole from grade school. And told me, yes told me to sit down. I was too tired to care. I had had very little sleep the night before and frankly was happy that he had called me in so that I could sit down. Then he began to tell me all about how much I had screwed up on my LEAD experience. I am certain that I did not respond to him at all unless you can count the obvious look of disbelief that certainly covered my face. I don't really remember any of the "points" that he most probably gave me that I needed to work on, except the one "You need to adjust your attitude" Then he insinuated that if I did not "adjust" it to meet his standard that he would have to send me home. Now that got my attention, after all of that BS there was no way in He!! that I was going to let this pathetic excuse for a man send me home. No F-ing way! I went to my TC Joanie. What does he want I asked her. It was obvious she did not want to answer. So she asked me "Do you want to stay in?" I told her that I did and why. So this was her advice, "Do as you are told, make no waves, do extra if you can, at least appear to be studying and changing, stay out of leaderships sight and above all shut your mouth." I got the impression that she had hoped that I did not want to stay. I am certain that Joanie knew that I was marked at that point but she was afraid to tell me. She protected me for the next few weeks so I could readjust and "comply". I never spoke one on one with Rev Fart again. She told me that she had handled it, but the rest was up to me and I would be on my own soon. I assumed that she was talking about my impending interum year, as it turned out she wasn't. We relocated campuses early, we were told that Rev Lardbutt needed his workers back to finish the next stage of his building. A few others and I were thrown into the mix to be sent to Gunnison. Right after the announcement was made one of my fellow LEAD soldiers stopped me on the lawn by my dorm and quickly told me that the ones in the hospital were suing, one girl had lost the better part of one foot and a few toes off of the other, another girl had lost nearly all of her toes and was having trouble with her fingers, all in all there were somewhere in the neighborhood of 7-10 people that had had to have amputations and a dozen more that had severe frostbite that they would have to deal with the rest of their lives. The parents of one girl, an amputee was contacting the other parents and a class action suit was in the works. That's why they are splitting us up even more, we were potential witnesses against them. About a month later at Gunnison, we hear that the LEAD staff is relocating. They are being sent back to HQ and then reassigned from there. But they will pass through Gunnison first. The story told to the Corps was that the LEAD staff had been on their mountain too long and had lost the ability to be civilized. That's is what they said, really. (So that answered the question on who got blamed for missing the rev) They arrived in the evening and were taken into a meeting with the ever so arrogant Rev. Lardbutt (he really did have a big rear). After their meeting (this I remember clearly) I was in a group of Corps, there were no family camps going on, so it was just us, anyway I was in a group of my piers when the "leaders" walked out onto the commons. I headed straight for them, like an arrow. I didn't say a word to anyone before I did. I walked straight up to that woman...I looked into her eyes and held them as I approached her. Almost every eye in the area was on us now. At first I had no idea what I was going to say to this woman. But the nearer that I came the more I could read in her eyes, she was afraid, afraid of me, of what I would or could say, and she was sorry...When I saw that...well, what would you do? I smiled, held out my hand and said "Welcome to Gunnison, it is a pleasure to have you all here." And I meant it. In that short walk, and that one look from her eyes I realized that it wasn't her fault, she was as conditioned as I, as we all were. It was her knowledge of the wilderness that ensured that our tents didn't collapse and that we had dry firewood. I wasn't happy about her betrayal when it came to Carrie, but I didn't blame her either. So without asking my TC I invited the entire crew to eat breakfast with us the next morning. The entire time I did not look away from her eyes, when I invited her to breakfast first I saw surprise and then joy accompanied by a tiny tear that she did not let fall. As far as I know TWI settled out of court. K did not participate in the lawsuit, (as far as I know). Once I moved to Gunnison I never saw nor heard from K again. In fact no-one that I saw that was a part of that LEAD group ever spoke of it again to me, including the leaders at breakfast. TWI never announced the incident, except to say at one SNS that there had been some problems on a LEAD trip and the ministry was dealing with it, that LCM was dealing with it directly so peoples hearts wouldn't get hurt or some such nonsense. None of us, except Carrie heard one word from him. Thus ends another Eyes adventure, the adventure of LEAD 1986.

Thanks Rascal, I didn't feel like a hero, I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. It took 'em till July '87 to drop it. I have dreamt for years of just punching her right in the nose! Maybe God will reward me in heaven....that wasn't very renewed was it? Oh well. You can paste this thing anywhere you like...I've already begun to save all of my little stories on my puter under "Way Stories" Original doncha think? Maybe I will compile them and make a book. First I got to remember them...hmmm...small obstical. Anyway....the rest of the story...

I'm not quite certain what to say, except "Thank you". Until I started to write it down, I didn't really realize just how traumatic it was, my mind has blocked out so much of my Corps experiences. I simply didn't remember much of this account until I started writing it down day by day. Except the firepit incident with Carrie and of course K and her toe. Regarding K, on that part I left out something, just before she started cutting she turned her head to look at me. Her eyes, the mirror of your soul...her soul was tortured right then...pain and determination, fear and resolve, anger and resignation...all reflecting in her eyes. I knew it was gangrene, my mother had been a nurse as well. I could see it and what's worse I could smell it, that sweet sickly odor that both entices you and repulses you. An odor that brings an involuntary gag reflex and a knot in the stomach. In my job I have had the "opportunity" to smell it several times through the years and each time that I do, I gag and my mind returns to Mt. Capitan...and her eyes. I didn't put that in before because it hurts to remember it. A knot starts in my chest moves up my throat and threatens to consume me. For so many years my mind has carefully locked up almost everything to the point that I can barely remember peoples names, I couldn't remember how long they gave us to get to Tinnie, I had to go look at the other thread to remind me, I don't remember any teaching except POP and Dale C@rnegie. So often you my wonderful Corps brothers and sisters will be telling stories about your time in res and I will read them trying to remember if I ever did that. If I find a little tail of a memory I will start to tell it (much like this one started) and the more I tug at that little tail the more comes out. Finally its almost like the door opens and this memory comes flooding out, and I feel like I'm watching a movie of someone elses life. Did I really do that? But I look at the evidence that I have kept through the years, like my little carving and I know I must have done it. It truly is a lifetime ago for me. What an incredibly effective defense mechanism. Perhaps this is why I can switch gears so quickly and seem so impersonal at times. Hmmm..... So one question before I switch posts and finish this story off.... Listener-Where does your mind go when you think up this stuff? I was laughing so hard tears were streaming down my face! I didn't really switch gears here...it took me nearly an hour to write this post.

Wow I didn't think that we would ever get done! How can someone so young have so much junk? Then I got into a verbal confrontation with some A hole that wanted to box...another strory. First to answer a couple of questions. Carrie was/is Craigs little sis. K was/is a nurse. She worked the emergency room and trauma. She was very good at what she did. She had some plastic surgery after she got back. I think she left before the year was over. She had to put weights in the end of her shoe so she could walk without a limp and also so she wouldn't fall over. Finally the last segement is NOT on pay per view. But I wouldn't mind it if someone wanted to bribe me with Pizza and beer. Allrighty then... Once the injured had left we began to clean up camp two and three. There were so few left that we only needed the one camp anyway. Besides barring any more "mishaps" the remaining diehards were bound for solo/duo next. Time ticked by at an annoyingly slow rate (kind of like the time between this post and the last). Finally we packed our rucks and got into line to follow our little leader further into the woods. After giving us a quick lesson in shelter building 101 they sent us off one by one to spend the rest of the afternoon and evening alone with God in the woods. My little piece of the mountain had a natural little home already built and nicely insulated for me. I just spent a few minutes digging out the end so I could access it and whala, instant home for the night! I found some firewood but didn't light one. I wasn't cold, I wasn't hungry, I was angry. I had just witnessed a friend cut off part of her toe! And not a word came from the "leaders". She wasn't rushed down the mountain, she had to tend her own wound without so much as an apology or a F-you. That would be enough to anger anyone in their right mind. But it was worse than that, because K wasn't the worst case. She had what she called a mild case compared to the others that she had seen. She had been treating the other victims since the first night. But other than bandages she had no help from the leaders. She warned them of the danger and they dismissed her. I was FURIOUS! I think that I experienced genuine spiritual anger! (So put that in your pipe and smoke it LCM) But I was not blameless. I had seen the clouds, I had seen what was happening, but I had done nothing to stop it. I could have said "Take me down the mountain" and been the scape goat for all. But I was stubborn, and I really thought that the leaders would come to their senses and take us down or at least take them down. So there I sat sometimes crying, sometimes yelling at God, sometimes yelling at myself. When I got tired of sitting, I paced and kicked the snow, and threw things. Basically I threw a fit, all alone up on Mt. Capitan in my little acre of woods I became a four year old and God really did become my Father. When I had exhausted myself and my legs had collapsed I finally asked Him what I should do. As clear as day the thought, Be still and know that I am God. To this day when I become angry this verse still comes to mind...and I calm down. I carved a little mountain out of a stick and on the mountain I carved two words, "Be Still". It sits on my desk. To remind me...of everything. The next day my leader came to see me. I had already packed and was once again sitting on my rock. I was calm but I was still stewing inside. Opening my mouth right now would be a bad thing. She asked if I had lost anything, I said 'no'. She asked if I had learned anything, I said 'yes'. She asked several other questions that requied a 'yes' or 'no' I answered them with as little emotion as I could muster. Then she said "You know you screwed up right?" I said, "What? I screwed up?" "Yes" she said "And how did I screw up?" "Well you didn't finish that climb the last day, you quit on it." I just shook my head in disbelief "You also embarrassed Ms. Muttendale in public." (With all that has gone on you have the balls to bring up that incident?) Be still...Be still...be still...strangle her...no,...be still and then strangle her....no, no, no, BE STILL for crying out loud! Hold your tongue Teresa or will certainly end up strangling this woman! So all I said was, "She lied, I corrected her" "You should have apologized." "She needs to apologize, not me." "I will have to report this" "Fine" (As if I didn't already know that her royal pain in the butt wasn't already on the phone!) "Well you did alright, you didn't lose anything." "Like my toes?" Of course I didn't say that with any amount of sarcasm. "Your feet didn't get wet?" "No, I didn't use that wax crap that you recommended. I used goose grease and I wore a cotton T-shirt." She looked at me with a very strange expression, almost apologetic. "We need to go. I have others that I need to evaluate." So we went back down the mountain without further incident or conversation. Stay tuned....I promise to finish this tomorrow.

Allright sorry about leaving a cliff hanger back there but I lost track of time and really had to do my job so I could go home. This is going to be short cause I have to move my niece. So time was ticking for our little stalwart group of Corps. The sun came out for more than just a teasing visit by the afternoon of the third day and although the warmth was welcome it meant that the snow was became even more wet as it melted. The third camp site had more problems, they had camped on unstable ground and it was shifting. The tents were flooding and their equipment was getting soaked as well. People trudged along, clothes and sleeping bags were strung up between the trees to drip dry, but the snow from the tops of the trees made the task daunting. While nearly everyone spent any extra time trying to help those that were injured or soaked. Little Miss Carrie and her cadre were concerned about how they were supposed to take a shower. So several people had to stop what they were doing to collect enough snow to make enough warm water for the three of them to shower. <_< By this time I didn't even try to disguise my disdain. On day five a friend of mine, I'll just call her "K", started asking people for a sharp knife. Finally she settled on her own and after a short stint of honing it on a wet stone that someone had brought, she sat down on a rock and removed her boot, then her sock. Her big toe was black at the end and it looked "sick". She looked at it for a moment and sighed, resigning herself. No-one spoke to her, she was given a wide birth. She closed her eyes and when she opened them she took the knife and started cutting. She removed a good portion of her big toe while sitting on that rock. Then she bound it with clean bandages, put a clean sock on and put her boot back on, she didn't lace it. Now it was my turn to give wilting looks, me and half a dozen others that just couldn't stand it any more. (You ask me why didn't we just rebel? No-one wanted to be the reason for the failure of all. Remember they said "If one goes we all go") It was finally determined that after the last rock climb that most did not participate in, they could hardly walk, how could they climb? Anyway it was determined that those that no longer had any dry clothing or sleeping bags and those that had frostbite or were otherwise injured did not have to participate in the solo/duo. They went back down the mountain after breakfast on the sixth day. Some had to be carried, some made makeshift crutches or canes. Over half went down the mountain on that sixth day, including the princess I think she broke a finger nail. (Just kidding, I'm pretty certain that she did as I did not see her again until we reached Emporia.) Tune in next time for the rest of the story...