Ron G.

Belle, Thanks for the compliment. Both are acrylic on masonite. Mostly I now paint Ozark landscapes to make some extra $$ during the toursist season.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive. New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky b******ds. New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men. New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done. New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water. New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his foot will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis. New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the a**hole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge a**hole. New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. Paper, plastic? I don't have time for that. I've just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine! New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your foot. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high. New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too ****ed exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show." New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two. New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows,then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie. New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting. New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands. New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't care in the first place.

I got this awesome old book called "Buckskin Book for Buckskin Men and Boys" written in the 1920's by Dan Beard, one of the founders of the Boy Scouts of America. One section of the book discusses the proper technique for throwing a hatchet. He says: The original founders were hard-core patriots and rugged outdoorsmen. Keep in mind, this book was written to TWELVE-YEAR-OLD's of the time, but it's mainly about how to properly skin animals, tan your own hides and make stuff from buckskin and rawhide. (moccasins, snow shoes, chaps, knife sheaths...) There's also chapters on making your own traps/deadfalls/snares, hunting-grade bow and arrows and simulated Indian scalp to hang on the wall.

1. What is the best thing about dating a homeless woman? You can drop her off anywhere. 2. What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted. 3. What should a woman say to a man she's just had sex with? Whatever she wants. He's sleeping. 4. Where does virgin wool come from? Ugly sheep. 5. How do you spot the blind man at a nudist colony? It isn't hard. 6. How can you make your wife mad while making love? Call her from your cell phone. 7. What does the bride of a Polish man get that's long and hard on her wedding night? His last name. 8. What's the down side to a threesome? You'll likely disappoint two women instead of just one. 9. How do you know you're really ugly? Dogs close their eyes when they're humping your leg. 10. Why are hurricanes named after women? Because they arrive wet and wild, then leave with your house and car.

I got a set of Charles Dickens books and a Charles Dickens action figure.

Authorities were today alerted by a concerned citizen who noticed a family living in a barn. Upon arrival, Family Protective Service personnel, accompanied by police, took into protective care an infant child named Jesus, who had been wrapped in strips of cloth and placed in a feeding trough by his 14-year old mother, Mary of Nazareth. During the confrontation, a man identified as Joseph, also of Nazareth, attempted to stop the social workers. Joseph, aided by several local shepherds and some unidentified foreigners, tried to forestall efforts to take the child, but were restrained by the police. Also being held for questioning are three foreigners who allege to be wise men from an eastern country. The INS and Homeland Security officials are seeking information about these who may be in the country illegally. A source with the INS states that they had no passports, but were in possession of gold and other possibly illegal substances. They resisted arrest saying that they had been warned by God to avoid officials in Jerusalem and to return quickly to their own country. The chemical substances in their possession will be tested. The owner of the barn is also being held for questioning. The manager of Bethlehem Inn faces possible revocation of his license for violating health and safety regulations by allowing people to stay in the stable. Civil authorities are also investigating the zoning violations involved in maintaining livestock in a commercially-zoned district. The location of the minor child will not be released, and the prospect for a quick resolution to this case is doubtful. Asked about when Jesus would be returned to his mother, a Child Protective Service spokesperson said, "The father is middle-aged and the mother definitely underage. We are checking with officials in Nazareth to determine what their legal relationship is. Joseph has admitted taking Mary from her home in Nazareth because of a census requirement. However, because she was obviously pregnant when they left, investigators are looking into other reasons for their departure. Joseph is being held without bond on charges of molestation, kidnapping, child endangerment, and statutory rape. Mary was taken to the Bethlehem GeneralHospital where she is being examined by doctors. Charges may also be filed against her for endangerment. She will also undergo psychiatric evaluation because of her claim that she is a virgin and that the child is from God. The director of the psychiatric wing said, "I don't profess to have the right to tell people what to believe, but when their beliefs adversely affect the safety and well-being of others - in this case her child - we must consider her a danger to others. The unidentified drugs at the scene didn't help her case, but I'm confidant that with the proper therapy regiment we can get her back on her feet." A spokesperson for the governor's office said, "Who knows what was going through their heads? But regardless, their treatment of the child was inexcusable, and the involvement of these others frightening. There is much we don't know about this case, but for the sake of the child and the public, you can be assured that we will pursue this matter to the end."

Thankee Mr. Sudo.. Same back to ya from my mountain to yours.

Okay...from way back in 1972 which was 9 years before I ever heard of TWI I sorta quit painting when I started doing photography full time and later got disgusted with painting because it seemed that advertisements I saw, book illustrations etc etc etc were better than anything I could ever accomplish. I've recently started painting again, but am quite dissatisfied with everything I try.

Doojable... I paint a little and, as you know, do photography. Here is a painting (cropped some for GS posting purposes) I did of a friend many years ago. Do you remember Photographic Display Corp. in Houston?

Louisiana Jingle Bells Dashing through debris With a chainsaw in my hand FEMA's on the way They haven't got a plan Looters on the way They're making quite a fright Oh, what fun it is to have My great big gun tonight CHORUS Oh, Jingle Bells, my fridge smells Katrina, kiss my a$s Won't y'all come back home real soon And help pick up this trash! Hear the generators whir They're making quite a sound I'm just taking in all the sights With no one else around Aaron Broussard's on TV He's crying like a chump He dried his eyes just long enough To turn off all the pumps CHORUS Oh, Jingle Bells, my fridge smells Katrina, kiss my a$s Won't y'all come back home real soon And help pick up this trash! Got a blue tarp on my roof It's keeping out the rain The adjuster arrived two months late Then promptly lost my claim Gotta love those MREs For making spirits bright I'm saving one with M&Ms Just for Christmas night! CHORUS Oh, Jingle Bells, my fridge smells Katrina, kiss my a$s Won't y'all come back home real soon And help pick up this trash!

I need a new steering wheel for my tractor. It's a Ford 8N and will accept any N series, NAA, or Ford 600 or 800 splined steering wheel. Otherwise, I'd like a 1971 Dodge Challenger with a 440 hemi (425 bhp) and a 4spd stick.

Saturday morning a deer hunter gets up early, puts on his long johns, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, grabs the rifle and goes to the garage to warm up his truck and head down to his favorite hunting area. He backs his truck out of the garage and discovers the rain is really pouring down, It is like a torrential downpour. There is also some snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 MPH. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so minutes later, he puts his truck in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed. There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, "The weather out there is really terrible." To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid foot husband is out hunting in that stuff?"

I got a lot of good out the 15 years I spent with TWI... 1. The Bible was brought to life for me and although I'm no longer in any way associated with the Way, I still love the Bible and continue to seek a more accurate understanding each day. 2. The basic principles of "working the Word" are procedures for Bible study that are generally recognized everywhere. They were presented to me (I hesitate to say "us" since everyone seems to have had different experiences) in easily digested, bite sized doses. 3. I met some of the most wonderful people with pure hearts who were the REAL DEAL that I'll remember, revere, respect and love all my life...such as the new member here who was my very first TC and got me through my first PFAL class in Houston. 4. As a TC myself, I learned how to conduct a meeting, keep people entertained and interested for an hour or so, helping them learn something and staying lively no matter how ill prepared and/or tired or rushed I was. This has served me well as Scoutmaster and in other endeavors. 5. I learned how to not snore while catching a few zzz's in a long and boring meeting in a crowded hall with stale air. 6. I learned to choose my words a little more carefully. 7. I learned to never trust a preacher with a boner. I have to quote one of my bestsest GS buds who says "It was the best thing I ever did and it was the worst thing I ever did". That is the most appropriate comment I ever heard or could ever think of.

HeavenIsLoudlyLaudedByIndividualsLookingLikeYou is the splinter group started here in the Ozarks by His Royal Holiness, The Overly Rev. Odell Fiscus Foghorn. Now you might not realize it, but this is the one true red thread coming down to us from the first century believers. If you want to know more, we have a class available called the Piously Interesting Socially Stimulating and Edifying Diatribe by Odell Fiscus Foghorn. You just can't be a genuine H.I.L.L.B.I.L.L.Y. until you pay your cash and get P.I.S.S.E.D. O.F.F.!!

Some of my grandpa's favorites... "I'm gonna burn down the house and leave by the light of the fire." "Hard work can be fun, but it's a rotten way to make a living." "Find a woman who'll cook, one who'll clean, one who'll always be honest and one who'll take good care of kids, and make sure these 4 women never meet." "Tuff titty said the kitty, but the milk's still good." Just thought I'd toss these in. He was very wise. I'll add more as I think of them.

Coaches, Scout leaders and the like have to be flexible with regard to parents situations. Your husband needs to take it up with the coach, then since it's not due to the boy being irresponsible. Sometimes, even coaches and Scout leaders can get caught in traffic, have flat tires and work causing them to be late.

In the Beginning was Nothing: A Creation Story for Young Materialists Throughout history children have been awed and thrilled by retellings of their culture’s creation story. Aztec’s would tell of the Lady of the Skirt of Snakes, Phoenicians about the Zophashamin, and Jews and Christians about the one true God -- Jehovah. But there is one unfortunate group -- the children of materialists – that has no creation myth to call its own. When an inquisitive tyke asks who created the sun, the animals, and mankind, their materialist parents can only tell them to read a book by Carl Sagan or Richard Dawkins. No child, though, should have to go without an answer which is why I’ve decided to take the elements of materialism and shape them into an accurate, though mythic, narrative. This is what our culture has been missing for far too long -- a creation story for young materialists. ****** In the beginning was Nothing and Nothing created Everything. When Nothing decided to create Everything, she filled a tiny dot with Time, Chance, and Everything and had it explode. The explosion spread Everything into Everywhere carrying Time and Chance with it to keep it company. The three stretched out together leaving bits of themselves wherever they went. One of those places was the planet Earth. For no particular Reason – for Reason is rarely particular -- Time and Chance took a liking to this wet little blue rock and so decided to stick around and see what adventures they might have. The pair thought the Earth was intriguing and pretty, but also rather dull and static. They fixed upon an idea to change Everything (just a little) by creating a special Something. Time and Chance roamed the planet, splashing through the oceans and scampering through the mud, in search of materials. But though they looked Everywhere there was a Missing Ingredient that they needed in order to make a Something that could create more of the same Somethings. They called to their friend Everything to help. Since Everything had been Everywhere she would no doubt be able to find the Missing Ingredient. And indeed she did, hidden away in a small alcove called Somewhere, Everything found what Time and Chance had needed all along: Information. Everything put the Information on a piece of ice and rock that happened to be passing by the planet Pluto and sent it back to her friends on Earth. Now that they had Information, Time and Chance were finally able to create a self-replicating Something which they called Life. Once they created the Life they found that it not only became more Somethings it began to become Otherthings too! The Somethings and the Otherthings began to fill all the Earth -- from the bottom of the oceans to the top of the sky. Their creation, which began as a single Something eventually became millions of Otherthings. Time and Chance, though, where the bickering sort and were constantly feuding over which of them was the most powerful. One day they began to argue over who had been most responsible for creating Life. Everything (who was constantly eavesdropping) overheard the spat and suggested that they settle the debate by putting their creative skills to work on a new creature called Man. They all thought is was a splendid plan - Man was a dull, hairy beast who would indeed provide a suitable challenge - and began to boast about who could create an ability, which they called Consciousness, that would allow Man to be aware of Chance, Time, Everything, and Nothing. Chance, who had always been a bit of a dawdler, got off to a slow start so it was Time, who never rested, that was able to complete the task first. Time rushed around, filling the gooey matter inside each Man’s head with Consciousness. But as he was gloating over his victory he noticed a strange reaction. When Man could see that Everything had been created by Time, Chance, and Nothing his Consciousness would fill up with Despair. Chance immediately saw a solution to the problem and used the remaining materials she was using to make Consciousness to create Beliefs. When Chance mixed Beliefs into the grey goo, Man stopped filling with Despair and started creating his own Illusions. These Illusions took various forms – God, Purpose, Meaning – but they were almost always effective in preventing Man from filling up with Despair. Nothing, who tended to be rather forgetful, remembered her creation and decided to take a look around Everything. When she saw what Time and Chance had done on planet Earth she was mildly amused but forbid them to fill any more creatures with Consciousness or Beliefs (which is why Man is the only Something that has both). But Nothing took a fancy to Man and told Time and Chance that when each one’s Life ran out that she would take him or her and make them into Nothing too. And that is why, my young friends, when Man loses his Life he goes from being a Something created by Time and Chance into becoming like his creator - Nothing. The End

Perhaps the coach knew this and acted accordingly. Your husbands working late isn't a factor in the equation. The coach should know the boy doesn't drive, but if he arrived on time and was late because he was screwing around in the locker room, the conseqences were appropriate. I'm a Scout leader and we have to have a certain degree of discipline or the boys will accomplish nothing. Discipline is very, very necessary to make boys into strong, confident, self reliant men. Discipline seems to be less and less a part of bringing kids up and this is responsible for kids having an unwarranted need for quick gratification, inflated sense of self importance and entitlement. This is part of the pussification of American boys I'm sure the 30 "butterflies" will only make your son a little stronger.

Dear Friends I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem. The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing weird things to the 7 swans a-swimming. The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird $*@!. On top of all this! Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation and some people who can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January. Maybe next year I will be able to get my $*@! together and bring you the things you want. This year I suggest you get your asses down to Walmart before everything is gone. Love, Santa.

Pirate, My 12 year old has a .22 similar to the one in the story that he carries when doing chores. Sometimes he carries the .38 spl. So far he's killed 4 copperhead snakes and a couple of rabbits we had for dinner. Teaching him proper use and safety has probably saved me several trips to the emergency room for snake bite treatment. I do agree the mom should keep tabs with a pistol just like any other tool.

excathedra observes... This has been going on since the Eisenhower years that I know of. Nothing new and as far as I can remember it's been called "cat fights" and us guys used to love to watch cuz it was inevitable a nipple or panties would get exposed to the world. Does anyone else remember when in class a girl would be sitting with her skirt unusually high and one guy would drop his metal comb as a signal and all the other guys would in turn drop their combs so they could bend down under the desk to pick it up? That was back when we all used Brylcreem, Wild Root Creme Oil or Fitch Hair oil and combed our hair a lot. Am I giving away my age again?

Sounds to me like the mom was called in to witness the interrogation and rather than see her son get hung out to dry with a permanent criminal record over a very foolish kidly mistake, stepped in with a little ad libbing. I don't know but I may have done the same thing, but hopefully would have come up with more cogent answers.

I was in Houston in 80 where ( took PFAL under the tutelage of Joanne C*l*f*n*...a yankee lady from NYC who I'd LOVE to hear from again sometime.

You got our prayers. I'm roasting a big ol' beef briskit at real low heat for a couple of days. It should provide LOTS of broth to go with all the mashed potatoes I'm saving up for your return. Just PLEASE don't hide away any hospital food...throwing hospital food in a food fight is hitting below the belt.

1. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf. 2. If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes up to 120 mph. 3. Ask if you can see his gun. 4. When he says you aren't allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger. 5. Touch him. 6. Refer to him by his first name. 7. Pretend you are gay and ask him out. 8. When he says no, cry. 9. If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment. 10. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way. 11 If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood. 12. When he asks you to spread your legs, tell him you don't go that way. 13. When he puts the handcuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me dinner first" 14. After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say "Oops! That's the wrong name." 15. When he goes to read you your rights, sing "La La La, I can't hear you!" 16. Trip and fall into him. 17. Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. You have to sign with his pen. 18. Clean your ear with the pen. (I did this once) 19. Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say I thought the name sounded familiar..... 20. Act like you are retarded. (I've done this before, too) 21. When he's telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him, quietly. 22. When he tells you to stop, say what are you talkin about, DUDE? 23. Ask if he watches Cops. 24. Talk to your hand. 25. When he frisks you, say You missed a spot, and grin. 26. When he asks to search your car, say there is no alcohol/drugs/weapons in my car, sir, the last cop got them out. 27. If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in tongues (I did this once during my WOW year....BIG fun)