potato

I found CF&S for the most part really lame and boring, but one thing has stuck in my brain all these years. it was at the end when vpw introduced mrs. w in a tearful voice. the look on her face made my blood run cold. she looked like I felt when my ex would parade me like a prize and act like an adoring husband, when in private he was cruel, would tell me what a bitch I was and how useless I was, or just ignore me, or hurt me for fun.

love God, love your neighbor... could it be that simple??? in twi the two great commandments were: obey the MOG unquestioningly and "abundantly share" a minimum of 15% of your income, and all the rules and regs of how to do those two things were one hell of a heavy burden. maybe, just maybe, serving God could actually make us feel good instead of bad.

I feel ya, brother p-bear.

geek out, bro

if I'm right about what you're asking for, the answer is: unix I can't program at this level, not even close! but my husband is way geeky and helped me out with this.

sometimes you have to throw the whole mess out and start over, like rascal said. I guess I've used a combination of both... clean slate in some categories, and tracing threads in others. somehow the spaghetti code thing fits for me with twi doctrine. there's been so much patching and covering up of bugs (no, that's a feature!) and distracting from core defects with fancy skins and dashboards, and no one there can really look at it and say, "wow, this program is a f-ing mess!" I waited for a code rewrite for 5 years before I got the guts to walk out. I expected it to start when lcm got the boot, but I think the coding got even more spaghettified with "new features" getting shoehorned (or sledgehammered) in.

I was depressed and those people were happy. they said pfal would deliver me. in the years following, twi and its narcissistic leadership pushed me into depressions worse than anything that had come before. I got some study tools out of the class, stuff that could have been taught in one session instead of having to sit through 12.

I'm glad to hear he's responding! I hope things keep progressing apace. this is really good news, Nero!

amen, Imagine. there is something called spaghetti code, where a program lacks organization and uses unstructured branching, so if you change one thing it can unravel things all over the place. it can happen when programmers have no time to rewrite old, undocumented, or sloppy code to new standards, so new code is hooked in however it can be. usually it's an awful mess. the only way to fix bugs that result from unraveled spaghetti is then to trace it back all the way and find all the connections, and sometimes their connections to other things. it's like what you said, looking at each strand to find what's good and what's broken.

Cinder, that dude sounds horrifyingly f'ed up. twi's ability to choose the worst of the moral rejects and put them in charge of people is pretty stunning. I know there were some areas where there were some decent and even good leaders, but I met more of the bad kind, or at best self-seeking and apathetic, still driven by their own egos.

it's true that we see in part, or through a glass, darkly. we are not God, but that doesn't mean our flesh restricts our spirit. I think it means we're not God so we still need God because we are different from God, flesh and soul and spirit. if we were purely spirit as God is spirit then we'd be different than we are, but I don't think that means we're broken, just that we are capable of making mistakes. I think our spirit was designed to work with or in our flesh and it can work just fine, in fact perfectly for what it's designed to do, but it is finite in a way God is not because of everything else we are... I can't begin to understand what the human mind is capable of, but I know it can still only process finite amounts of data. I'd like to think that God is not bound by that limitation. perhaps this is really a chicken/egg conundrum, and we're saying the same thing, only you say the flesh restricts the spirit, and I say our spirit is designed to work with the flesh.

wow, t-bone, that sent a shiver up my spine!

Waysider, when where and by whom did shill witnessing get started? I don't remember that one but we were pretty much taught to stoop to whatever level necessary to get people in a class.

yep. man I do not miss that one bit.

guess it was all over. men from the same mean mold :(

I remember the financial face-meltings well. there was one benefit that we actually got out of debt when we never would otherwise because my ex-husband was really underhanded with money. I had no idea where it all went, it would just disappear, but at least with our FC breathing down his neck I had a respite and was able to pay bills. after that it just got darned tiresome always needing to justify every little purchase, especially when I started earning my own money and could pay bills by myself so my ex-husband's problems weren't so troublesome. I quit ABSing when my ex quit supporting the kids, and I kept expecting to be confronted over it, and have my financial problems blamed on not ABSing instead of my kids having a deadbeat dad.

I think you hit the nail on the head with the like-mindedness principle. I remember being really uncomfortable and unable to accept different points of view, because of waybrain and the whole like-mindedness thing. it was a real struggle to accept that people are different and I can be friends with people who don't think like I do. now I really like people who don't think like I do, because it gets me to see things I wouldn't otherwise and I like the challenge of examining my beliefs. but if you're a twit, it's just too darned uncomfortable.

was he in oregon in the late 80s? I got some similar stuff from a WOW who was trying to woo me, that he was looking for a woman who he could "admonish" because he's the head of the house and it's his job to keep her on the "word".

all friends make mistakes and errors in judgment, but the fact that she seems to so consistently make the relationship about her makes me think she's unhappy because you've changed and you're not meeting her needs the way you once did. I came to a point where I just let people go. if the friendship was meant to survive, it would change because it had to. people try to keep things the same because change scares them, and it's possible she simply cannot accept you as you are or as you will become because you are not what she wants you to be. she wants to change you back into that person and she can't let it go. you'd think people would be happy for you when you grow and change, but they aren't when it makes them uncomfortable. just hold fast to your integrity, sweetie.

honesty is an admirable quality, and I bet none of those ladies had to get lied to or drugged to put on bunny suits.

I think I would feel the same way in your shoes. it seems kind of demanding, selfish and obsessive to send multiple letters trying to justify your position when a friend is going through a rough situation! I think I would have sent something along the lines this before blocking her: dear friend, I'm going through some stressful times and unfortunately, am not in need of a miserable comforter at this time. if I do find that I need to be condemned at any time in the future, I'll make sure I let you know that your skills are required. in the meantime, like Job did for his friends, I will pray for you because I do love you, and perhaps God will be able to deliver you from your hard-heartedness. sincerely, etc. (not saying do this, just wrote it hoping it would make you at least smile... although praying for your miserable comforter, I'm told, is a good idea, I'm more likely to damn them to hell.)

you know, that lockbox stuff was bull$h!t. things people confessed or discussed in a supposedly confidential setting (i.e. "counseling") could be used AT ANY TIME BY LEADERSHIP TO SOW DISCORD. best tool they had to divide and conquer was backbiting and I saw it used a lot. since leaving, people have shared other things with me that raise my level of disgust even further, including selectively broadcasting how much ABS people were giving to get people to spy on each other.

I remember being told "he's the driver. if he wants to crash the car, that's his decision, not yours. he's going to make mistakes, but he's the head and it's his responsibility to drive." so I had to sit by and watch him crash our lives over and over, and I had to work my arse off to clean things up every time and cover for him so he would look good to the "household". I remember that stuff, too. I remember couple's advances where I was told I should stay up late, after working all day and hosting fellowship, and make sure my home was spotless so my husband wouldn't be distracted when he got up the next day by any dirt or anything out of order or God forbid *gasp* a dirty dish in the sink. because, as the keeper of the home, somehow I became responsible for his mental health, an idea he exploited for many years. it even ended up being my fault when he couldn't get a decent night's sleep because I was up taking care of a restless toddler.

you've gotten some great advice and ideas on this board, especially the hospice information. I'm with the people who say he's your dad, now and as long as he lives, no matter what state he's in when he wakes up. relationships adjust. thank God for your mom and uncle! one other thing that I thought of was both Jesus and Lazarus. both were dead (if you're a bible believer) and without breath, for extended periods of time. I read about a little girl who was pronounced dead, then for no reason started breathing a half hour later. people don't lose anything that makes them who they are by being resuscitated. brain damage leaves memories and skills inaccessible sometimes and can change personalities, but the person's soul and spirit hasn't been replaced, just the expression of it may be altered. damn straight! I got angry just reading this... how dare your friend judge you like that! this all sounds incredibly stressful and friends should be there for support.

while all that sounds awesome (especially the skate park, d00d!) isn't it a bit like whiting a sepulcher?