potato

Nancy apologized to me. I'm reminded that we all probably did things that horrify us now. I did. we were led by the most horrible of examples. it takes a humble person to come to me the way she did.

indeed. the therapist me and my kids saw right after said it takes about 5 years of therapy before people are comfortable being in control of their own lives. I found that to be true. prison inmates have the same problem after a while, which is why so many of them commit crimes so they can go back. it's acquired helplessness. there are so many choices to make everyday and when you've been conditioned not to make or even see the choice, it's completely overwhelming.

she was not a good person to me. she did a lot of damage. A LOT.

skyrider, thanks for sharing all of this. 1989 was the year TWI sucked me in, although I'd taken PFAL in 1985. I was advanced class grad twice over by mid-90s, and the later 90s were such a nightmare. all the M&A, and I was living in a pretty remote area and was semi-M&A myself for a period of time where I was required to do that horrible schedule, but mine was in 15 minute increments and I had to write a weekly report on how well I stuck to my schedule. and I was scared the entire time... of not renewing my mind, of the adversary killing my kids because of my mistakes (that were blown all out of proportion, all the way to HQ and back to closed-door meetings where I was worn down and coerced into consent) and I came to doubt every thought in my head. they took away my autonomy, completely. it was this group of people here at GSC who helped me finally leave in 2006. I could not have done it without you. I had nothing and no-one, and it took a long time to heal. I've been mostly absent from the café the last few years still dealing with fall-out from the cult years, but also to a large extent rebuilding a better life, one true to myself. I've been compiling things into book form for my kids because I'll eventually pass on, and I feel like my kids deserve some explanation of those years, and it's still really difficult to put it into perspective, so I've been lurking here a bit more lately. this thread stirred up a lot of memories. I remember when the announcement came down that the L people were going to take over your job. it felt horrible and wrong, and I stopped trusting everyone, so I was alone for all those years. I was conditioned not to trust outsiders, and I knew I couldn't trust insiders. gods, it was so horrible. when I left in 2006, I was so scared. I was scared of my children getting killed for my waywardness, and I was scared of getting phone calls and visits because I'd heard so many times that's what you do when you don't see someone at twig... but in the end all I got was an email. I was too poor to tithe much, so I don't think they cared much that I left. it still took years for me to learn how to make my own decisions again. I'm so happy I'm not in it anymore.

it occured to me tonight that as of a couple of months ago, I've been TWI-free for a decade, and then I wanted to come and tell you all. me and my kids are alive, and better than we've ever been, but I'm sad to say the marks of the cult are still effecting us. I don't think it's possible to live through what we did without permanent scars... but I relish my freedom every day. I'm so happy that I've learned that I don't have to put up with bullying and gaslighting. I can just walk away now. it took years of therapy to get here, but here I am :)

I'm going to be cremated and made into gemstones. honestly it's been a dream of mine since the 70s, and the tech is here, so why not? I also had a dream of donating my remains to the body farm, because I thought that would be kind of cool, but my kids don't like the idea much.

hi Twinky! it is nice to see you as well :) I didn't mean to be gone this long. life got... weird for awhile.

I haven't been around in a while. recovery is good... but I started reading "One Nation Under God" and so much of the rhetoric leading up to Eisenhower's religious nationalism reminded me of TWI teachings that I started having flashbacks and I had to come back and make sure that GreaseSpot Cafe still exists... I'm glad to see it does.

ugh. John Lynn, I am completely, utterly, and committedly NOT INTERESTED in joining anything that idolizes vpw and his cobbled-together religion. twi fooled me. you do not.

I've been deeply introspective since I heard about Paw's plans to retire GCS. it seems like my last chance to share with you, who've been a major support for me as I've left twi and the cult lifestyle... there is much I'd like to say but can't. I'd like to describe the life I lived, because I know you'd understand. I'd like to tell you where I suffered and who abused me, but in my present circumstances it could be risky, so I'll embrace the comfort of knowing that if I were to speak, I would be understood. I really shall miss all of you very much. thanks for being here over the past five years.

dear The Way International, you promised much, and demanded much, with complete disregard for consequences. you promoted tyrants and abusers and terrorized me into completely submitting to them. instead of letting me change my life for the better, you dogged me endlessly to embrace misery. you self-righteously stole my time, my money, and my happiness for your gain, and in the end gave me nothing in return except a Frankensteinesque religious system cobbled together by narcissists who know nothing of love or of God. your system froze me in fear until I broke free if it, and you. I'm so thankful I left you.

pawtucket, thanks for keeping GSC running all this time. I know how much work it can be. this site saved me. it and the people who post here gave me the strength to leave twi. because of the GSC community, I have a life. thank you for that.

he walked as soon as we were divorced. abandoned our kids, left town, did the absent disney dad thing and screwed our kids up bad by competing to be the favorite parent while the kids and I were homeless. I think he realized he was never going to get offered a leadership position so he quit pretending to care whether the kids had food or a roof over their heads because it didn't ever really matter to him in the first place. thanks. I didn't deserve it. I hope to be free of him and his sickness for good someday. sad to say that if he died it would be the happiest day I've had since I met him.

sadly, they kept dangling the carrot in front of him so he kept panting after a real "leadership position" where everyone would have to give him the respect he thought he deserved.

my ex bought into this to such an extent that my life was a living hell for YEARS. he couldn't handle being passed over for anything, and I constantly heard about how much I didn't appreciate his greatness, his co-workers didn't recognize his leadership ability, his boss, the TC, the BC, etc. ad nauseum. he couldn't handle me disagreeing with him for any reason because he was the head of me and "so spiritual" because he SIT and studied all the time. I had to divorce him before I could get out of TWI, just so I had the freedom to think for myself, and even then it took over a year and I'm still healing from being physically attacked because I didn't worship him the way I should. he would have made a great TWI leader.