grand-daughter

I was involved in a group in Minnesota ran by Victor Banard. For the last 8 years of my time in it was like this but especially the last 4 when I moved to the main farm of the church. We were the ones that did most of the work in the ministry. I was in the church from 1990 until 2003-2004.

Oh boy definately Titanic, The Notebook and most movies on the lifetime channel. Thank God Tim likes to watch these shows with me as long as I don't say anything about the looks of another guy in the movie, he does just fine...lol

Wow! no pun intended. Although I never went wow the schedule I was expected to follow was just as rigorous. I still don't know how I got through it for all those years. wake: 4:30 pray- read make breakfast and lunch for husband so he could be out the door at 5:30 Run over check on greenhouse, work in garden come back make breakfast for kids so they were ready for animal care by 6:30 sewing for family, doing dailies and any prep for homeschool 8:00- 12:00 homeschool children, make afternoon snack for men and young men, bring it set it up and get out before they could see me 12:30 lunch 1:00-4:00 work in garden more dailies, check on foodroom (cleaning-stocking) remembering to check greenhouse every hour and watering 5:00 make dinner men and young men needed to be back to work by 6:00 Don't forget to go down and clean up break stuff without being seen stitch here and there to produce enough clothing for whole family and any others in need kitchen clean-up 7:15 twig or music practice until 9:30 finding time to make bread, butter, snacks for family, homemade pasta many times I had to fit in working with young men on property beautification (i was in charge of all flowers and shrubs on property) during evening hours of course more sewing, poetry for ministry, little projects like invites, preparing classes in weaving or crafts for young girls, laundry, studying plants so I didn't kill all the food in greenhouse. Saturdays was set aside to do all the errands for all houses and foodroom shopping for my family along with most major projects like butchering, cleaning chicken coop, etc during lambing season we ladies had to move lamb fence every other morning plus check ewes throughout night - try checking 200 ewes butts at 2am while you got snow blowing in your face, if labor occurred could be another couple hours of work before you fell into your bed for an hour or so of sleep before you started all over again. This does not include all reproof sessions that could and would take place at any moment of the day and being that I had the most kids it was more often than not. Needless to say I ran away and at that point I was a whopping 98 pounds and limping. My earthly family saw me and cried for the death they saw in my face and body.

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator. What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have? http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofintell...edoyouhavequiz/ hmm i wonder if this is why i write poems songs homeschooled and generally like to chat

Does anyone know if TWI has stock in the robotics industry? LOL!

Awww, I wish I could have a dog again.

That is so funny! It's true I think it was Gods little way of giving us women some control so to speak. Women and I think especially moms have this look that could just melt you if she wanted it to. Whenever I was upset with my daughter all I had to do was look at her and she would burst out in tears and the look doesn't have to be a mean one it just has to show disaapointment and wisdom. Glad nobody was hurt but you had it coming...haha!

Oh God all of this double standard stuff rings so true where I was too. Our boys couldn't even call there own sister by her shortened name or go on the other side of the barn except under strict supervised work. And if they so much as looked at a girl....oh crap But the leaders sons did no wrong!

So as I said I would start with my introduction to fellowship: So as I was saying my friend introduced me to this guy named David. I was of course unsure about being with anyone ever again but I agreed to meet him. He was drummer in her boy-friends band. I honestly didn’t think it would work at first because I’m kind of the shy type until I get to know you, well I used to be and he wanted me to be a part of a practical joke right of the bat. But lo and behold we did start talking through some unfortunate fighting that occurred by my ride home, which I wanted no part in so he offered. The weeks went on and he started to practically cling to my side. But I was fine with it because he was always a gentleman and he shared The Word of God with me. We would stay up all hours of the night just talking and talking, it was great. Sooner or later we just became a couple and he moved in. With him he brought tons of books. Oh I was in heaven so to speak. I devoured them. That was in 1990. He wasn’t even twigging at the time but I did talk him into going back. I followed him after a few weeks. I loved it. My first twig coordinators became very good friends of mine. She and I even started running a children’s fellowship in my apartment. While going to twig I heard of this class called PFAL. I was really excited to go although a little scared. Being that I had read all the books I knew I would learn more about speaking tongues. I really wanted it but didn’t realize how bound up with fear I was until that last class of course. The people were nice and this was the first time I had met whom I would later call my Father in The Word, V.B. Well actually let me share this, although everyone was nice I still had the feeling especially around the women that I was less than they. So anyway when the time came for us to speak in tongues I couldn’t do it. I was so upset and afraid that I ran out into the night in the cold with no coat and no idea of where I really was. I don’t remember who chased me down but I was thankful they did. V.B. took me into a bedroom and after much work with me somehow I finally did it. OK, so he had to yell at me, lol. I was so amazed by the fact that even I could do it. I was embarrassed though because I felt like everyone was waiting for V.B. and I was taking his time. But I never felt so loved by anyone in my life at that moment. Years later I would be teased about my little running habit but I’ll get to that. So as time went on David and I continued to go to fellowship. I was knick-named the sponge because of my great desire to learn. I would ask so many questions and I ate, drank, and slept The Word. I never cried with joy so much before as when I led my own three children into speaking in tongues. I was so gun-ho. I loved it the few times we went out witnessing, I spoke to anyone and everyone I could about the wonderful works of God. Time passed and things stayed the same as far as twig. It was loving and fun. David and I were even considered the twig leaders helpers. But things started falling apart between David and I. I can’t say why because to this day I don’t know why. He just stopped talking to me and we began to fight all the time. We never spent time with one another any longer and our relationship even began to get physically abusive. We still weren’t married yet even though we had a baby together. I just figured it was pressure and just tried to live in forgiveness. I had at times confided in my twig leaders about the abuse. She told V.B. at one point I know and this probably should have been my first red flag but it didn’t register with me. V.B. called me and we discussed the situation some. He said, ”Well you spread your legs.” That was that. I felt stuck because of my great desire to be right before God that I stayed and endured it. A lot of things get fuzzy for me at this point because I think I was just trying to escape into the Word and be what God wanted me to be to let things really sink in. Even though I felt like crap at home with David I figured it would get better because The Word never fails right? We were encouraged to go through counseling with leadership, which we did. It seemed as if we talked to everyone at some point. Somewhere around this time period our twig leaders decided they needed a break and we changed twigs. They were another lovely couple. Then we were all encouraged to attend Momentus. David and I were even told that V.B. wouldn’t marry us unless we went through it. I must express the fact that I grew to love and see V.B. in such a bigger way than others even had seen him at that point. I honestly would have done almost anything that he said believing he spoke for God himself. I still struggled with my self worth so what he said went. To me it was the only way out of that worthless feeling; I just wanted to be my best for God. Let me back up a little and express some of what was going on between David and I. We were going to leadership meetings because of our helping with the twigs and this is where some of the extent of the abuse began to come out. One incident I will share was a time when David must have been possessed and tried to push me out of a second story window and when that didn’t work he pushed me down the stairs instead. I know people would ask me, “Why did you stay with him”. I can only say I felt bound to my vows before God. So we married. I don’t really know why but we didn’t get married by V.B. after all anyway. I believe it had to do with money if I remember right. So we just went before a judge and had our twig and prior twig leaders stand up for us along with one other couple. So now I will just touch on my time at Momentus a little. I know not everyone here has taken it but I’m sure you have read some of the threads so I won’t go into all of the details except some of my own .... that came out. With all that had been going on with David and I there was a time period before we went that his mother died and he went to Canada to take care of her final business and to bury her. I hate to say it but I went out with old friends at that time and buried a lot of my pain in the bottle with them. I did a big mistake and slept with someone else and got pregnant. Oh I tried to explain it off in my heart and mind saying David don’t sleep with me and he’s abusive so I deserve this. Nobody knows it better than me that it just wasn’t going to work. Well it did come out in Momentus and it was very ugly. I ran out at one point, running again and V.B. followed me and encouraged me to come back and finish with him. My love for him, as the man of God grew all the more. I felt like dirt but he still wanted me, I couldn’t believe it. After it was all over we had to decide what we were going to do. David took me to have an abortion and counseling between us continued. He stopped hitting me through it all but we were still in the stagnant no talking relationship that we had all along. I can’t share anymore right now.

Sorry all I didn't know what I was doing when I post my first story segments so they are backwards and you have to read them all to get it all it starts with the mess that is my life. :unsure:

While at yet another party I ran into a guy who I knew from an old foster home I had been in. I knew he liked me then but I had no time for him. But was this my way out? He asked me to marry him. I did. I was eighteen. I didn’t love him but I used him and tried to finally do something right. I even asked him to read the bible with me. I ended up getting pregnant and I was so happy. Nathan was born and became my world. It started rough, oh so rough. Nathan was born three months premature. Death seemed to be knocking on the door. Little did I know you can’t trust a nurse. I became pregnant again while Nathan was still in the hospital. Jamie was born also three months early but only survived a day and a half. My husband couldn’t seem to get the partying out of his system so after a while we rarely saw him. He would go away for a week at a time. Not leaving much behind. I still don’t know how I made it through with no telephone, food or money. But I can say this if there was anything ever good in my life it was my son. He was my joy and my hopes. He held my heart in his hands. On 7-24-1986 death struck its horrible blow once again. My world was buried that day. A rare disease took his little body and killed it. I lay on the floor for days in his room not even moving to relieve myself. If that wasn’t punishment enough I was blamed on top of it all. Who was the carrier of this rare disease? Nobody knew but I wasn’t able to fulfill all the medical tests that were needed to prove it not to be me. People I thought were my friends would have nothing to do with me for fear. And being that I was receiving welfare at the time because I had a baby I lost my only source of money because he was no longer alive. I was kicked out of our apartment for lack of payment. Once again I was on the street. I went nuts over the next two years. I was angry at the world. I was angry at God! I went from one bad relationship to another. Abuse and drugs once again filled my life. I had three more children, from different men. One of them took place because of a rape. Seemed fitting because hadn’t I been raped all my life anyway? So on I went, a single mom just trying to straighten out the mess that was my life. I decided to stop dating. Until one day my friend said I have this man I want you to meet. It took her a while to convince me because all I wanted was someone who loved God and would treat us well. Because during that time when I refused to date I cried many tears to the God I once loved and then hated. She said, “He is the Godliest man I have ever met”. Next segment my introduction to fellowship.

At the age of eleven I had already seen so much but it was just the beginning. I then was sent to various group homes, foster homes, and treatment centers for unruly children. If you have ever heard that these places were formed to help children, think again. Abuse runs rampant in these places. All forms all overlooked because of course we were the crazy ones. Our word wasn’t any better than all the men who said I love you now pull your pants down or of the drug dealers that say I have something that will make all of your problems go away. Let me backtrack a minute. I must say that I always loved God. I believe it stemmed from the fact that my parents in order to have it quiet during hangovers sent us kids to church. I didn’t have much knowledge but I had a great feeling that He loved me somehow when even my own mother couldn’t. I was in the eighth grade and in probably one of the most abusive homes that I’d ever been in when ironically enough I heard speaking in tongues for the first time. The group home mother was very into the Pentecostal church. I didn’t except it readily. But when I heard speaking in tongues I felt a strange craving for it. I knew in some odd way it was truth. Though out of order. Jumping ahead to the age of sixteen I ran away for the last time. The courts finally emancipated me. Still in the midst of it all I was caught up in drugs and sex and anything else I needed to do to survive. Oddly enough I still had the terrible feeling that God was displeased with me. There was just never anyway that I could see to do the right thing when everything in my life was wrong. How could God love a girl who ran with gangs or slept with men? How could He forgive the lies and the manipulation I took a part in to survive? I myself had a hard time looking in the mirror how could He accept me and bless me?

How can one truly lay out their life in a short summary and express the emotions that accompany each step? I will attempt it hoping that all who read can read the feelings in the words. Of course this will not nor could it ever cover all that has happened over the years. Please bear with me. I am going to start off from the beginning in hopes of it showing a way to a glorious end. I was born into a very confused family. I don’t have many memories of my real father but I do have knowledge of what I was told. My parents were both alcoholics and divorced while I was still a baby. My grandmother told me a few things of my father. Not that he was a great man but they weren’t all that bad. On the other hand my mother when I could get her to share anything only had a negative take on him. So as you can see there was confusion from the beginning. I do know that it irked my mom to no end when I was curious about him. I really don’t even know why I was, it’s not like he was around for me or my brother and sister. I did hear a few times from my mother, you’re just like your father. So I guess it was a piece of the puzzle that was missing for me. Later on my mother married again and once again it was to an alcoholic. With this marriage came three more sisters. Our lives were riddled with poverty, pain and much hurt, though my mother in her delusion referred to us as the Brady bunch. I was not a happy child there never seemed to be enough of anything to go around. I guess my first mistake was to be outspoken enough to speak out about it. At times m parents would try to do the family thing and have discussions where we were to feel free to speak. Ha! I like her she’s got moxy they would say but it sure didn’t seem like they liked what I said. I find it hard to express the torment my heart through as a child. How does a mother turn away from her own flesh? Is it possible that a child can do something so wrong that the concept of a hug is terrible? Is it also possible that all that went wrong was their fault? I struggled with that for many years. Sooner or later the pain started to overwhelm me. Enough to run to God knows where. The streets were better than that place. At least then I knew why I wasn’t eating. Then it was my fault to be walking in the rain and sleeping on benches. It would have been fine with me if it ended there.

I've heard you can donote them to the shelters so women can at least call 911 if they need to.