pond

I believe the internet is defined by the one who is using it . is it not the same for relationships? the internet is only a tool it is not a relationship it is a machine. people and how they relate to one another spans the earth and all of its capacity. what one choses to believe about what they feel is not what a machine and a tool for communication is. they are unrelated . like the phone you do not say I love that phone when you had a conversation with a friend you say you loved the speech or talk or what words she/he said.. it sounds to me coolwaters that your lonely and searching for something.. well like in ANY form of communication I think you would do better if you defined your needs to another and go from there. I do get about the exspectations I think ..people disappoint one another, we can be capable of great joy and fun towards our selves but we also can surprise surprise or just disappoint or the full monty of what life is to one another. boundaries have to be had to live a life with peace. to know your own self is the best remedy to withhold difficult conversations,situations or choices in life . people change so naturaly relationships should to grow with another personand their personhood and those changes are what makes people individuals and friends and relationships in general. one is not able to share in the intimacy of face to face life giving intimacyon the net UNLESS more is offered, in real life and just used a tool for further communication. We do need to be aware of the reality that the internet is a removed source of comminication and really no accountability is required to participate in what it offers. if a person on the internet tells you she/he has a wife and six kids we tend to accept that as their reality. in real life if a person who lived in the one bedroom next door and drove a small car.. told you he had six kids and a wife you may question further or doubt his testimony at first sight .

The friend I have who has sizophrenia told me after we hung out for a while and (I think when she felt she could trust me not to judge her. She has to be in the hospital about twice a year for it so it probably would not have gone unnoticed anyway because she was say away for a few days. I know what your saying about hi my name is coolwaters and IM being treated for depression, it isnt as easy as say a broken toe or migranes because it has to do with how somone thinks or processes information so we do think about the consequence more. But it is more I think about how one who has a problem is afriad another will process the information. we have laws that protect the disabled from job discrimination and housing. No doubt it is not a topic to be handled without discrimination, why would anyone need to know is my first question? have you sought professional counseling that is the best resource for support . other than your dr.s I do not think it is a fact everyone you come into a relationship with needs to know unless you a danger to yourself or others in which case you would likely be in the hospital. so why even stress it? But you have to admit aatitudes towards mental health has changed alot just the fact you are talking about it on an internet in an open public forum says alot about how it is handled in society.

alot of if's are involved in deciding whether i would consider a relationship or a professional alliance with a individual that has been diagnosed with a mental illness. The denial that is included in these types of issues are a problem, as well as the leap to assumptions about them is rampant. that being said I think it is like any other other relationship they take work and understanding.. and time and nurture and Iwill not chose to sit in misery with a "friend" if they decide to not do what is prescribed to help them. I prefer healthy people to have relationships with. America is a drug crazed society and a need it now quick fix me culture and personaly I think to much of the issues within the medical frame is treated in just such a way, and mental illness is a huge pay raise right now. people should do what is best for them. I had a friend who has been diagnosed with sizshpprenic (spelling IM sure ) anyways we were fine until some other factors came into play like her son being mean to her and me and me speaking up... to him. suddely it became about her mental illness and we are no longer friends. when she would go into the hospital for medicine adjustment she would tell me what she was think being "crazy" and I have to say it is insane but she always knew in her flare up she was insane and would seek medical attention. and no I never knew when she was ill or not. unless she told me. quite amazing what one can do in the middle of a hay wire brain... really. I mean you can play the pity card but the bottom line it is insanity and when one is insane they do not think in a pattern that fits in soiciety set of normal standards of behaviour or thought. Im sorry if that makes one feel different, the bottom line it is afact and that is why they have been diagnosed with such an illness and are being treated. a person with a cast on their leg should not go swimming if they want to be healed and mental helath issues have constraits as well. the out of control feelings of shame etc.. are also part of the disease. i do not accept responsibility for a persons broken leg nor will I for a problem one has due to a mental illness such as changing the pace of a work day becuase of a anxiety problem or serving only sugar free food because someone is diabetic. today we have alot more support for those who suffer with mental illnes than we ever did .

When i was marked i was so upset for weeks if not months i was totaly devasated. today given the same circumstance i wouldnt even give it two thoughts. it is still people it is still relationships I had invested in it is still a comintment.. but if it all went away today i would be ok. yesterday i went to the water and visted the folks on their boats and ships it so much fun... then i went to a new computer store and found the excitment and happiness from the new owner working ten hours a day with a smile on his face. I need these people .. it makes life grand! a family memeber reminding me about the time I was ten and I did something ummm sorry not so much. I look at the world as my place to live my place to share my place to be loved. and to love. if a person or a relationship is to much to take any more time in my life I do NOT need them. I need my car fixed my carpet shampooed and all types of services done and it is by people and that is all good. I do not need other peple drama other peoples negative crap. twi wanted folks to learn how to not need the despair some folks can bring our life to "travel Light" to me means to be able to reach the light without being encased in the darkness those who are troubled or miserable love you keep you in. that is what professionals are for and why they get paid very well.... and maybe why so many are afraid to seek the help that is out there. people want to be be stuck in toxic relationships because as long as you can talk about somone eles woes and troubles you can not focus on making your own life happy and fullfilled. In reality no one can change anyone eles. We can only be and change our own self. I have had some friends for my entire life yet i look for a new friend today and tommorrow and forever. isolation to a praticular brings a very lonely life in a crowd.

i have worked with seniors for over forty years. I can tell you some storys myself. people just getting involved in this "business" tend to see aging as a cute and fuzzy time with dear old folks sweet as pie needing YOU which indeed makes it all about your own self and how YOU feel as in any care taking situation. as johniham sais many are not into this and want to stay independent and not be used by care takers to use them to feel good for the day for their own lack of abilty to gnerate respect or dignity towards one in the aging process. I was 20 years old when i found out the reality of what this business really is without the delusion of self grandness and feel good attitude. A sweet little old lady she was so very kind and patient often asking for her daughter and speaking of how much she loved her soo. and the daughter rarely came and then one day she did and brought the needed supplies and took care of what needed to be taken care of. I said to her (totaly out of line I was !!) you know you mom is the aweetest lady I know she asks for youoften and is so happy when you can come. the daughter middle age herself turned to me and said " my mother is a monster she abused and used evry perosn she ever came into contact with her entire life .. she is a horrid person and now that she can fool a stupid little girl such as yourself that she is so needy and cute because she is older youbelieve every need that comes out of her mouth." I do what i have to for my mom because she is my mother and has no one eles but do not fool yourself the person you see in that wheel chair is a cruel evil woman and I owe her nothing at all. If a elderly person has been needy all their life they will relish in this time of being cared for and give you all the kudos you NEED to feel good. If the person was and wants to be independent they will and should fight every minute you attempt to take away their life and their own choices. respect and dignity are very important and so very many in this growing field.. Some think their need to rescue or feel good about their own self comes before anothers and they end up diminishing another in the process of aging and dying, for their own self worth. why do you think the turn over is so high? people come thinking you will stop the process of death itself or at least make it more comfortable .. it is imposible no one knows aging better than the aged and to attempt to help them.. do what ? understand that a another part of their very life is fading away ? it is a disgrace and it hurts. the position of rescuer is famous in so many co-dependent people. it is a problem in this field and not appreciated at all . that is why so many burn out or lose their job. or run a place that is a mess . frankly it just doenst work with healthy people old or not. When need is present it often includes a large amount of resentment and anger consider this in your assessment on why one would rather not ask. yes that sweet little old lady is ....ed off and you as a care taker may never even hear the word about it (because she NEEDS you) but trust me plenty of us who have done this all their life have and do. you not nearly as cherished as you want to stroke yourself with , what you are is a reminder that death is a slow god awful project for some people without any choices left. Our self respect and dignity grows as we rely on our self to become the people we are met to be fully no one can achive this being codependent on another . yes we need one another.. to be full and healthy humans capable of doing and being all that we can be in this world.. when one has the power or the desire to control another in any way with money , personal choices , it can and often does decay that person and their own sense of self .

ok that was funny reminds me of me. I made an appt with a puter guy coming to my home for some work.. I warned i said look i have cats.. and cat fur if that is a problem for you with allergies let me know right now.. he said um no we have a couple running around here somewhere to. but you know you have to let people know i had a dear friend who could never come to my home because i smok cigereetes wouldnt go in the car or anything. i understand.

it was the week i was marked and avoided i realized for the final time in my life that God love me and all of us so very very much. the mircles i saw leaving were so very out standing in a life so messed and fried by getting involved with twi... i can and will never ever deny a God that will love me forever with such an intense love i can never find words to describe

the book finding your own north star sums up the process ofbecoming who you are menat to be. it has the process of becoming your own self and it is spot on !!1 I think people tend to believe the journeys we take in life are solitary.. that we may be the only one who feels this way . so we do not communicate well or listen to those who do not want us to become our true self. codependecy is a huge issue in our society today we can find freedom to become.. but it is a process this book will help in the very least you feel your not alone in what is happening. the thing I have learned in life is to really relish change.. I do love it and look forward to the difficult times in life when change must happen because i get to be a new me !!! l

i wont share my story. I had a neighbor .... an RN a school nurse i loved her so and she had small children i would never want to leave one day i began to tell her why i should stay forever and she looked at me and said. I know. that was the only words we ever said out loud . she was my mom as well. i went home only when it was dark and i had to and she never asked me to leave andshe made a place at the dinner table every night . I think my real mom or god sent her for me . I never told her thank you because I believe she knew.

9/11 I thought we were all going to die. we all did. in a sense. life became like heaven will be... I think hard to explain. we became so very human that day. as God wants and needs us to be for one another in the middle of evil it very self. as the day and the sirens continued we all turned into a human race that had one mind ( find those who you love) god im choking really or help someone eles find theirs. that was all that was left to do. and wait to die. the rules died that day all that mattered was we wanted to live .. or at very least see and be with those we loved in life to die. today I have so little anxiety and I know it has to do with 9/11 many became anxious because of 9/11 . not me now nothing is important as loving those you can and will . I wont forget the eyes we all had of where is my daughter where is my son my husband my mom??? are you ok? today i look and i remember our frail life that day how very helpless we felt ... everydayI remember and still ask are you ok ? and it is still all that matters. really .

cell lover here. but it is the security not the minutes I love . I also have a land phone . funny story about those borg thingsin the ear... so im walking down the street and this guy is what appeared pointing his hands at me and tlaking so i walk up to him and he is still tlaking and asked a question.. so I answered him . he looked at me pointed to his ear and turned around to finish his conversation on the phone. I felt left out . but i have learned to just ignore l talking to what appears to be me or their self on the street anymore. sad but true. no cell conversation do not bother me typicaly if it is a movie or a place that requires concentration they take it to the bathroom or what not.

im naked without my cell. I remeber when if you went into a hospital or care home you would not be allowed to have your phones.. now you just have to turn them off it is a sentimental thing for real. like the puter o mg i will notimagine not having that machine in my living room!!! it is my friend im getting an upgrade and one woman said i have to take you computer to diagnose it for two days I said ok I will call you back thinking she was a professional and a nice girl. next guy said um "no" i do not typicaly take a puter out "people tend to get anxious about losing their puter for a few days" I hired him . hahaha very telling o who knows what they are doing hmmm? he sounded healthier and with more knowledge hahah fool myself . . i have turned around for my cell and no one is suppose to call me i do not care i might "need it". to call my self and ask what i wnat from the store for supper or soemthing just as vital to life. I do not remember days without my cell anymore i vaguely remember phone booths and cant imagine having to use one today looks dangerous to me hahah yes times have changed. When your phone was missing did you call it? some folks have gotten their phone back by offering a reward to the thief over the phone. i keep thinking of all the long distance calls if they found mine so i keep it tight.

REALLY????? your gas prices rise on the weekends and fall in priace during the midweek??? well that is something all together i would say. here they just rise it appears everyday. Inthe winter i keep a full tank. well I used to times have changedso I will see this winter. now the light tells me i neverever waitined for that light.. now i will do ten twenty if i got it. depends on the pluraity of the situation for me.

krys sure your right that is why i said they have a sense of duty.. but Im sure any good soldiers has a sense of humor in their job as well. the job may be serious but life doesnt always have to be.

it just feels like im doing my duty lately.

you know what will freak control people out? EMOTIONS!!! man are you right. at least the ones I know . this group Im speaking of think Nothing of taking major tranquilers and anti-anxiety meds and all the horse pills one can to be happy... the drs give them out like candy in our co-dependent society.. starting with grade school if you insist your kids emotions are just "to much to handle". most probably that word"emotion" wont be used something like energy or distraction.. something very clinical without the label of being accountable or responsible to find out the rpoblem. he/she wont focus hmmm. and you just cant hear or understand why. a story. One day i did a test a real test to this group .. I said "I feel sad today". that is all just I feel sad they panicked they freaked they worried so bad i laughed out loud. but they never asked why. cant go there... I said it is normal to feel sad sometimes you know and it is ok and of course they disagreed.. twi also instilled this manner of speaking to the point of do not ask and do not tell. now that is what I call sad for real. where are we as humans living with this type of thinking? not worth a whole butch.. I like my emotions i like them all. but IIm not afraid of them as so many are many feel if they get angry all hell will happen and they wont be able to CONTROL their self. so they just deny it and most often become depressed and unable to really function in society among people who feel and express all of their self. When i told my son it was ok to be sad when he was young.. he doubted me and asked why do so many take pills not to be then? I ask you as well. it is about control not being able to control another or the fear you will lose control of your own self if you feel.. if you have had abuse as a child and told it doesnt matter hwo you feel you learn to ignore your feelings because the ones you love told you they were worthless. we are grown ups now we can and should make better choices .

nice. it is easier to live through another than to become complete yourself. it is easier to get angry... than to love by far. twi taught us to sic God almighty on people. we were taught to pray for the harm of another or a another group of God own creation. of course it was the devil that did harm (so they would "say") YET we really did learn to hate rather than love people. I got to the point I was so angry at a person who had betrayed me I almost prayed to God she would just die. it stopped me in my tracks.... this is exactly how they killed Jesus so religous and righteous they needed HIM to die to carrry on in their own righteousness for God. it was the religous people those who claimed to worship and LOVE god who killed our Saviour. I now look at this and say look we all come from a place of sin... and the fact somone eles sin hurt me badly.. means they must have been attacked so much the worse for the doing of it... so it is either join them and carry on in the hurting of one another or STOP. I try to STOP.. and think how very very much God loves that person.. even if i do not.. how HE says He wants ALL to be redeemed. regardless of how I feel about them as individuals. the bottom line is life is hard and to carry angry feelings is just to much dam luggage for me anymore so i forget about it. I do hold boundaries tho I do say what is and what I can not allow in my life. but for others I hold no more judgement.. I cant I have been delivered of so very much and it just doesnt matter to me anymore if anyone eles recognizes it in my life. God did it and He is the only one I owe. But He loves everyone EVeRYONE! such a hard pill for ex twi people and religous self righteous people to swallow sometimes. I pray about this alot .

we live in a society of supply and demand . the way to get rich is find who is in the most misery without a product or service and supply it.. the big red bump may mean he has something simple not ot much money.. but i wouldnt guess either.. how do we chose what is right or wrong? for the money?

what aa thread. the numbness. and it is so right on.. who eles in this world would understand this? I go to church and they say the word Lord and and "the Lord said this" in general conversation and I do not get it that is not a word the way used and then I turn them off.. IM numb they must think JC is God.. i am numb and pretend or walk away. with the way it was always teachings and I only remember Jesus christ or God as terms we used to who we were talking about. I cant even explain this .. but that is what happened. almost a learned hate for all that was not what they taught. a dismissal of all . I still struggle with this. to dismiss oh that is wrong IM right. and the killer is why am I right becuase the word says so. I believe we learned doubt.. in a big way not power. doubt others, doubt others and finaly doubt God. what a thread

the guy who wants to sell his fathers tape of how he was sober for 46 years... i have to say this. no one will get it tho. big deal. He considers it a miricle that his dad didnt drink after he was 46. It probably is a testimony of his deliverence which is a good thing.. but the mircle is the fact he didnt drink. I have not drank for 46 years as well no wonder of wonders here and most of my friends. no miricle. that is what sells .. far more than fame . booze drugs addiction.. it helps those who struggle ,many who are addicts or who love them live in our culture. many co-dependents and addicts here. booze drugs is endorsed in America more than anything. so much so the fact a person is sober is a huge deal today. a real acomplishment . not to slight those who have to be addicted and are asking for support for their problem. but really what is it america thinks is cool? sex drugs and rock and roll. When we hear of a actor or sport person into drugs it once agian justifies our own hang ups in the culture and makes it acceptable . Well even they do it IM ok. it isnt a problem and if it is well everyone has the same problem even those we make famous.. it makes addiction a normal thing .

could you move over please im sitting here first. uh oh or do not touch me

w ow who knew he had a issue with teddys? maybe some testing for sensitivities to the stuff he is suppose to guard first is in order. the guard chased the dog? sounds like he was not trained very well.

ok thank you. I think you knew what you met.

o ex we have to understand english rules now? oh no

I do not think the moderators "see trolls everywhere. Pawtucket said he knew this guy and acted on his knowledge. some of the posters may want an exclusive group but they do not moderate . he is allowing the thread to continue to warn his peeps on the board, so they do not get hurt in the same manner in which Pawtucket says he has first hand knowledge of. I have one question for safari tho was that a real map to his house?