Brother Speed

Well this just aint no 'red neck woman' thread without them Gretchen Wilson lyrics. So without further adieu, GRETCHEN WILSON LYRICS "Redneck Woman" Well, I ain't never been the Barbie doll type No, I can't swig that sweet Champagne, I'd rather drink beer all night In a tavern or in a honky tonk or on a four-wheel drive tailgate I've got posters on my wall of Skynyrd, Kid and Strait Some people look down on me, but I don't give a rip I'll stand barefooted in my own front yard with a baby on my hip 'Cause I'm a redneck woman I ain't no high class broad I'm just a product of my raising I say, 'hey ya'll' and 'yee-haw' And I keep my Christmas lights on On my front porch all year long And I know all the words to every Charlie Daniels song So here's to all my sisters out there keeping it country Let me get a big 'hell yeah' from the redneck girls like me, hell yeah Victoria's Secret, well their stuff's real nice But I can buy the same damn thing on a Wal-Mart shelf half price And still look sexy, just as sexy as those models on TV No, I don't need no designer tag to make my man want me Well, you might think I'm trashy, a little too hardcore But in my neck of the woods I'm just the girl next door I'm a redneck woman I ain't no high class broad I'm just a product of my raising I say, 'hey y'all' and 'yee-haw' And I keep my Christmas lights on On my front porch all year long And I know all the words to every Tanya Tucker song So here's to all my sisters out there keeping it country Let me get a big 'hell yeah' from the redneck girls like me, hell yeah Hey, I'm a redneck woman And I ain't no high class broad I'm just a product of my raising And I say, 'hey y'all' and 'yee-haw' And I keep my Christmas lights on On my front porch all year long And I know all the words to every ol' Bocephus song So here's to all my sisters out there keeping it country Let me get a big 'hell yeah' from the redneck girls like me, hell yeah Hell yeah, hell yeah Hell yeah I said hell yeah!

Receipt or no. I wanna know how much a vintage bottle of prune juice would fetch on Ebay. :lol:

Good one David. "that was the screen saver" ROFLMAO. Here's one that rated 'G': Wade the Hunter Wade had prided himself being able to hunt everything from small game birds to mammoth moose. The one animal he had never in his life hunted, however, was bear. Wade goes to the sportsman's warehouse, peruses the local newsprints and magazines to get a few clever ideas on just how one goes about hunting bear. Well Wade maxes out his visa, mastercard, discover and amex cards to get all outfitted and licensed to hunt bear. Wade goes up into "bear" country and sets up camp. Early the next morning, about 4am, well anyway it was really dark, so wade starts his coffee and breakfast waiting for the break of day. He dresses warm and grabs his rifle with the latest monster scope and heads out. Just as the sun peeks up and signals "time to hunt," Wade spots bear tracks. He follows the bear tracks. All is pretty quiet except for the mossy squish of his foot steps every so often. All at once Wade hears a twig snap from behind him. He turns around and sees a bear racing full speed right at him. Wade raises his rifle up, looks through the scope...and you know how when you look through a scope and it make everything appear real big and up close? Well that's what happened to Wade. That bear looked like it was right on top of Wade when he looked through that scope. Wade was surprised, took a step backward and stumbled. His rifle left his grasp. So wade flailing on his back trying to reach his rifle. Just as Wade gets a handhold, the bear is on top of him. It's a big ole grizzly with 9 inch claws and 5 inch fangs. The bear has one paw in the dead center of Wade's chest, the other paw is raising up high in the air getting ready to take a huge swipe at Wade, growling loudly so that drool is dripping all over Wade's face. Wade trembles and frantically utters a prayer. "Lord, put the fear of God in this bear!" Well, that bear stopped growling and carrying on. Lifts his paw off of Wade's chest. Meets his paw with the other paw and says, "Father we thank you for thy wondrous bounty!"

Vixen, Nope. No people food for you sweetie. I know it tastes just wonderful but for you it's way too fattening unless its purely fruit or vegetable and then only in the tiniest of quantities. Perhaps a slice of apple or a celery stalk. Belle, as for the Mrs. and I, we spoil our three wee ones just terrible. They sleep with us in a cali king size bed. They have their breakfast when we rise out of bed and they have dinner before us but then they mooch. They have run of the back yard until and if they get cold then they run through the house via their doggie door. In the evenings they lounge on our laps while we watch the big screen. Franklyn (or Frankie or Hotdog) is a black miniature dachshound. Although purebred, we wanted a wonderful pet instead of a champion show dog. Its a good thing 'cuz when we acquired him he was sooo emaciated that Dr. Tim (our family veteranarian) didn't think that Franklyn would pull through. He did pull through after a vitamin B injection and a 10 pound bag of puppy chow but he will always be sveltly thin. Paige is a red miniature dachshound. Also purebred, but only a pet. We acquired Paige from a yard sale. Paige (a shorthaired animal) was tied up in a mean yard sale lady's back yard in the cold just shivering (this was last mid-November). My wife went to comfort the poor animal and the lady was rather incensed at the display. Through gritted teeth she said, "Five bucks and the animal is yours!" My wife wanted to chastise the woman for keeping Paige tied up in the cold, but she held her tongue and gave the woman five dollars. My wife left with Paige and nothing else from that yard sale. The yard sale lady didn't like dogs of any size much less a short-haired dachshound. She was "stuck" minding this animal because it was her son's dog. Her son was sitting in jail and couldn't keep his dog but had wanted his mother to take care of her until he was released. To which I say, "Too bad son, you've made some bad choices. You ain't gettin' that dog back." My wife says, "If I didn't get Paige when I did, she'd most likely be dead." Lupe is a purebred white with red spots "dear" chihuahua. The talking 'Taco Bell' dog is a "standard" chihuahua. Lupe should only weigh about five pounds, but she's been eating too much people food. She weighs a little over 6 pounds so Momma calls her Lumpy now. We acquired Lupe from a couple who had adopted Lupe from the animal shelter. Lupe was one of nearly 300 puppies rescued from an unlicensed puppy mill with heinous living conditions. Over half of the animals were sick when they were rescued. Many didn't pull through (sniff) (sniff). But all of the puppies including the survivors found a good home. Well Lupe was adopted out to a couple who were pregnant at the time. After the baby was born, Lupe didn't appreciate the lack of attention and bit the baby. So because the wife and I are childless, we acquired Lupe. Yes, Belle, I have to agree. "They wiggle their way into your heart."

Oh but of course Vixen, you should have your dinner first. And by the way, I'm glad your weren't harmed by the mean ole fence. Take care sweeetie. signed-- Uncle Brother Speed

This message is for Vixen: Good dog! Vixen! Now Vixen, tell mommy: Baaad Mommy!! Bad Mommy! How dare you scare Uncle Brother Speed like that. You should have started your post with "Vixen's OK but,". Bad Mommy! Now swat mommy on the nose and send her to bed without dinner.

Uhh, Sharon? Well first, Yes it is Salt & Pepper, or rather 'Salt N Pepa.' But second, it is definitely not "Whatta Man." I can get where you may be confused. Because both the song "Whatta Man" and the name of the song with the lyrics,"Girls, what's my weakness? Men!," / "I'm not shy so I asked for the digits" are on the same "Very Necessary" album.

Johnny asked his teacher a riddle. He said there were three women eating icecream cones on a picnic bench. One was licking the icecream, another was sucking the icecream, the last was chewing the icecream. He asked his teacher which woman she thought was married. His teacher thought and thought and finally said the one sucking the icecream. Johnny said 'No, she's the one wearing the wedding ring. But I like the way you think.

If I were asked to end my life or if I were demanded to end my life for the greatness of the word of God; I would look at the person square in the eye and say two words. You First!!

Do you ever stop to think and forget to start again?

Oh like it's even possible to break the circle of chicken. When you lop off its head, it runs around in circles. :blink:

OMG! It takes me sooo long to read these posts! What with all the running to the bathroom because I'm so urpy and all. Technicolor yawn and then brush my teeth and then get back to reading maybe a day or too later. And I used to have a stronger constitution. Maybe it was the blinders that I had been wearing that kept me from feeling such ilk. Ewww, sorry gotta run again....

Apparently we've come full circle, but did we travel clockwise or counterclockwise?

Out! Out!! You demon of stupidity!

Why do clocks run clockwise? Why do stores open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, have locks on their doors? If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from? Why do rattlesnake, alligator, or rabbit when cooked taste just like chicken?

My name is Indigo Montoya! You killed my father. Prepare to die!!

I found this a really good read. Check it out. http://www.ptm.org/03PT/MayJun/GAcommentary.htm

thinking...

and this one when we cleaned our apartment: 'Don't leave any speck of dust for devil spirits to hide behind."

Nope, bad logic. There is no stigma for being conservative nor is being conservative a sin.

Hey all y'all! Welcome back!! It was way too quite here without ya!

My wow sis always said this one when troubles came my way. "It's the rocks in the brook that make the brook sing."

Ahh Ha! You haven't had your 'crises' yet! Quit worring about it, it'll happen.

Mr. Ham, Stop rationalizing it!!! You know she wants that hot little red number. Just get it already and be done with it. and remember, you can break any contract in 72 hours. :lol:

Psychologists and Psychiatrists -- overpaid handholders, the whole lot of them. If I'm rich, they'll help until I'm broke. As soon as I'm broke, wow, I'm cured. <_<