Cindy!

Thanks guys! We found some good deals, due to Steve! flying to and from CT! Also, Daryl is gonna come with us and maybe Suz (he's gonna ask her)...so anyone else wanna meet up in Las Vegas for a weekend in February?

Well, my new handle is pretty obvious, but I said in my post on page one that I would type this on page 7. I was chinson...then I married theloveofmylifemysoulmatemyonetruelove, Steve! So now I'm Cindy! in every connotation available!!!

WB Rottie!!! NOW we know why all those email we sent you were never answered!!! Those scams are quite compelling to the 'get rich quick' or 'trying to keep head above water' person. I was in one for a few months...but realized how UNworkable it was and split rather quickly. Sometimes people hafta learn the hard way..tell em all you can about it and then let em make their own choices. When they leave it...they'll probably NEVER do that kind of thing again!!!

Hands down, no question about it...The four times I had ultrasounds when I was pregnant. You have to drink about a quart of water and then wait until the technician calls you. By the time they are done...you are DYING!!!!!

Oh, that's just SICK, Chas I Belle...Give him the movie Wizard of Oz?

Congratulations and best wishes!!!! You two deserve ALL the best!!! (Cowgirl...you still want the ceremony n stuff from my wedding?)

oops! 'swhat I get for bein inna hurry n not checkin it out...thanks, Hap! (now you better edit your post so folks won't be wonderin boutcha!!!) Either way...a tragedy...they have our prayers and support. Red Cross Tsunami relief page

One of the first things we had to learn is that anger is not bad. The fact that we feel angry over abuses (& etc.) is VERY healthy and should be acknowledged as healthy and normal. We are fully entitled to be angry, to experience it (but not live or revel in it), to allow ourselves to feel it (though not let it take over our existence), and to know that we have a right to be angry (though that right does not extend to holding grudges or controlling others through that anger). So with that premise set in our family, when angry outbursts happen we have a plan in place to back up, go somewhere to get our thoughts and emotions in order, and then go back to the person/situation with the attitude of working together to reach a good solution. And we have code phrases set up in case the angry person does not back up and go somewhere to get themselves together. Communication skills like active listening and mirroring are what we use so that each person can be sure they are heard. Active listening is keeping eye contact and showing interest through body language (a posture that shows the speaker that they are being heard). Mirroring is listening to what is being said and then repeating it back to that person to be sure that what was heard was what was meant. The most startling emotion is sudden anger. That burst of anger that pops up out of the blue due to a “trigger” from one’s past. This anger is unsettling, but is a normal part of the healing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (which is what my children and I were diagnosed with after leaving my ex). This is the anger that has troubled us the most. We have an understanding in our family at this point in time that this anger does appear from time to time (though less and less frequently as we deal with it together), and when it does appear we know not to take it personally. We know to help that person work through that anger, find what trigger started it, and then they will be aware that that trigger exists so that next time the anger either will not appear or will be weaker in intensity (until finally, that person no longer reacts to that trigger). Talking freely about feelings and being allowed to feel just what we feel is the major key…this way, instead of forcing down emotions (which God gave us), we let those emotions alert us to things that need our attention. This way…anger is not bad…it’s a god-given alert system that we pay attention to in order to avoid being in toxic situations/relationships again and to be whom we want to be. We know that as a family, aside from the usual “I don’t WANNA do my chore right now” bickering, we are a close, loving family that gets along very, very well.

Waterbuffalo, you said: I'm not sure I fully agree with you about not having dealt with it. The truth is, when you spend years just trying to "survive" in an abuse situation, all of your energies and skills are aimed at that. If it works, you come out either alive or if you leave the abuse...alive and free. However, all those years spent "surviving" are years that were NOT spent learning, using, and refining coping and social skills. As a result, a person is far behind in learning how to be "normal" and/or happy. It's like this one toddler I took care of for a while...he had both legs and his waist in a full cast due to problems at birth and subsequent surgeries. It wasn't that he hadn't "dealt" with walking before or was afraid of it, it's that his energies were focused on getting well. I do not believe that ALL of my anger over past abuses, childhood abuses, and etc... will ever go away. I look at it as part of the tapestry of my life....what makes me who I am today. I never have been a proponent of "giving it over" to anything, that to me seems to be a way of saying "don't deal with it, don't learn from it, just let is smack you in the face again someday". That's probably not what you meant, but my approach is to find out what it is, how it got there, and then what to do to be sure it never bothers me again. Our focus now is to learn, use, and refine those skills to deal with that anger if and when it pops up. Our skills for dealing with what happens in the every day NOW are in place and strong. We have very very few times in our house where someone raises their voice. Zero temper tantrums. And when a situation comes up that makes one or more of us angry, we have a plan in place for how to handle it. In fact, when a situation at work a few months ago made me mad and hurt me, I used those skills I had learned and the situation was resolved VERY successfully with the result of that person and I becoming MUCH closer.

Happy Birthday, Strangedude!!!! Your presence on this planet is HIGHLY valued!!!! Many, many more!!!

new message: Change of plans...now we are going to Washington D.C. instead.... old message: Steve and I are going to Las Vegas next month...does anyone have any tips for places to stay, getting good airfare, good shows to see and/or do-not-miss sights???

Excie hit on what mostly bugs me. Not having learned the skills to deal with this until the last four years or so, it takes some time to put those skills as deeply as the error was ingrained.

you do not!!! *pout*

This topic has been dealt with in bits in pieces in the last few years, but I don’t recall a thread that was set up to exchange info and techniques on dealing with anger. I put this in the Open Forum rather than one dealing just with TWI or Doctrinal because there are different sources/reasons/causes for anger besides twi and the bible. What I’d like to do here is have an open exchange of what has worked. There is no magic solution to anger….for instance; some of the anger my children and I still have is years and years old. We haven’t TRIED to harbor it, but it is still there. In fact we’ve worked through LOTS of it in counseling, together as a family (Steve! Has helped me and the kids A LOT with this by just being him), and individually. Anger can stem from as many different things as there are people. The list can include (but is certainly not limited to): Cult experience Physical Abuse Rape Lies/Gossip No Freedom Emotional Abuse Mental Abuse Etc, etc, etc (feel free to add to this list!) Besides the superficial “I just don’t let it get to me.” Which ignores the problem and probably lets it build up….what do YOU do to overcome/deal with/get rid of the anger?

dmiller...you betcha!!! ;)-->

Happiest of Birthdays, Chuck!!! from all the !'s

Or to include ALL the letters...Read the F*cking Manual hehehe

PLAYING???? You wanna play Stevey???? *bat* *bat*

25

24 oh come on, you KNEW I'd be back!!!

23

Actually...if you've watched Dr Phil for any length of time you can see that he doesn't present he and his wife as "perfect". It's kinda nice, actually....they had a difference of opinion on one show she and he and they did not make a huge deal out of it. You'd see that how often in that cult we were in? We have a dvr now so I get to record him every day and watch him when I have the time. I love that he doesn't allow folks to wallow in the victim mentality, yet he respects the grieving process or whatever process needs to happen. Yes, he is hugely successful. Make a great target for those who might not like him or whatever. My personal opinion is that his success will last as long as he doesn't listen to critics and keeps doing things his way. Maybe that will make him seem egotistical....but I'd rather have someone on my side who is convinced and effective than someone who waffles at public opinion and caters to unhealthy emotions. just my opinion, tho

Some airports have dvd rentals where you can rent the movie and the player for not a bad fee. There are also internet connections but they charge by the hour. So maybe have a nice meal at a sit-down restaurant then rent a dvd....those four hours will fly!!! or there's always reading a good book!

318.8 Dem little penguins can sure fly!

1. What time do you get up? Mon.-Fri.: 5:30; Sat. and Sun.: around 7:30 2. If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be? well, besides mystevey....I'd say either John Winthrop or Dr Phil 3. Gold or silver? Gold 4. What is the last film you saw at the cinema? The Polar Express 5. What is/are your favorite TV show(s) Star Trek: TNG, Dr. Phil, Who's Line is it Anyway? 6. What did you have for breakfast? Huevos Rancheros 7. Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with? any small minded person(s) 8. What is your middle name? Ann 9. Beach, City or Country? BEACH!!! 10. Favorite ice cream? either Breyers Coffee or Haagen Daas Vanilla Swiss Almond 11. Butter, plain or salted popcorn? Butter, salt, and parmesan cheese (with a shake or two of garlic) 13. What kind of car do you drive? Saturn S1 14. Favorite sandwich? not much of a sandwich person, prefer mexican food 15. Favorite flower? Tulips and Sunflowers 16. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Italy and Greece 17. What color is your bathroom? no comment...it needs a major redecoration!!! 18. Favorite kind of clothing? Brands? When not at work, I'll usually be in either jeans or sweats 19. Where would you retire to? The beach somewhere. 20. Favorite day of the week? Why? Friday. 'Cuz that means I get two and a half lovely days with my family 21. What did you do for your last birthday? Got terribly spoiled and taken out to dinner. 22. Where were you born? Boynton Beach, FL 23. Favorite sport to watch? Don't care for sports. 24. Who do you least expect to respond? Dunno 25. Person you expect to respond first? Dunno 26. What fabric detergent do you use? Costco brand liquid 27. Coke or Pepsi? Coke 28. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Morning...definitely morning 29. What is your shoe size? 10 30. Do you have any pets? Oh boy, do I...about a dozen or so 31. Are you happy with your job? Extremely. 32. What is one thing you want to do in life that you have not done yet? Get my doctorate. 33. If you had the chance to get married again- would you? Absolutely!!! And I'd marry Steve! (but don't tell his wife) 34. If you won the lotto what would you do? Have a huge party, buy/build our dream home and furnish it, invest for each of our kids future, and help domestic abuse shelters. 35. If you had three wishes - what would they be? Dunno 36. What are your hobbies? Hobbies? When do I have time for hobbies??? 37. What are some things you always hope you get for christmas? LOVE gift certificates!!! It's like getting a gift TWICE!!!