Cindy!

hehehe....well Galen, you obviously see that the statistics do not say that if abuse happens once in the marriage that it is an abusive marriage. I'm glad you read that right and can chuckle about it. Kind of eases the tension..wtg! And yes, when I told Steve! no, we both agreed that when and if I was ever ok with the idea of marriage, we would discuss it again. He put no pressure on me...at all. When I did come around (after we'd been living together for a while and I saw that he really is the wonderful man I thought he was) we discussed it again and came up with a specific plan for when one or both of us would have 'baggage' pop up. So when he next proposed, with the ring, flowers, on one knee, in front of the kids....I, of course, said "YES!!!!" And with our one year wedding anniversary coming up....it may well be the best answer I've EVER given.

Well...he's sitting right next to me right now strangeman...something you wanna say to him??? Maybe a snowcone? An icepop???

It's not really that you have to stop believing that marriage is a lifetime committment, I sure haven't. In fact, after my divorce, I was determined NOT to remarry. When Steve! first asked me, I told him no. It was very hard for me to file for divorce...when I got back to my car after giving my lawyer all the paperwork, I just sat behind the wheel for a long while hurting because I'd just done something I never believed I would. But there is so much more to it than that. Had I stayed in that marriage without him getting counseling, help, or whatever to stop the abuse, it would be like I was saying to him that it's okay to treat me the way he was. That it is okay for me to be used and abused by someone who did not live up to the marriage vows he had made to me before God. Is that the kind of life that God intends me to live? A life where I do not live up to my full potential because I cannot be myself, due to fear? That is no life at all. Divorce is a very hard thing no matter how needed and right it is. It's hard, it hurts, and it breaks your heart. BUT....if I had it to do over again...I would. Once you go through all that and come out on the other side, you learn things about yourself that you never knew, and if you continue with counseling and learn the tools and skills for avoiding toxic relationships, you will be able to build for yourself a life that SINGS.

two words... Hot Tub!!!!!

Xena, I can't tell you how WELL I remember that feeling...and since I never knew when he would "blow", I also had to be ever aware of his every mood, eye flicker, and voice tone. Felt like living on a tight rope that keeps cutting into your feet and swaying in the wind. When I first read that bill of rights at an abuse shelter, I thought "No, that doesnt' apply to me because if I were a better wife/mother/person/etc I'm sure he would be nicer to me" How twisted is that? That *I* took responsibility for his sick behavior. ewww

Statistics show that abuse happens at least once in 50-60% of marriages. The bottom line is: NOONE has the right to hurt you or make you feel bad about yourself. NOONE NOONE has the right to withhold affection if you don't do something...no matter what it is....the way they want it done. NOONE has the right to do or say anything that makes you feel bad about you. You can tell if you are in a healthy relationship if, after spending time with that person, you walk away feeling GOOD about who you are. Domestic Violence Survivor- BILL OF RIGHTS · You have the right to be you. · You have the right to put yourself first. · You have the right to be safe. · You have the right to love and be loved. · You have the right to be treated with respect. · You have the right to be human - NOT PERFECT. · You have the right to be angry and protest if you are treated unfairly or abusively by anyone. · You have the right to your own privacy. · You have the right to your own opinions, to express them, and to be taken seriously. · You have the right to earn and control your own money. · You have the right to ask questions about anything that affects your life. · You have the right to make decisions that affect you. · You have the right to grow and change (and that includes changing your mind). · You have the right to say NO. · You have the right to make mistakes. · You have the right NOT to be responsible for other adults’ problems. · You have the right not to be liked by everyone. · YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CONTROL YOUR OWN LIFE AND TO CHANGE IT IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH IT AS IT IS.

JT...that statistic is actually quite conservative. Domestic Abuse Statistics

Rottie...check you PT's!!!!!

Hi Xena...welcome to the 'spot! I was in an abusive marriage for thirteen years, left in 2000, gave him 6 months to become involved in individual/marriage counseling...ANYTHING that would help. He made no moves to get help or fix the marriage and help our children...so I filed for divorce. Each situation is different. If you want to talk, email or Private Message me, I'd be glad to talk, listen, offer any advice I can. It is so very healthy to talk about it, helps you see it from another perspective. The best thing to do is go to an abuse shelter or call an abuse hotline and get some info and some counseling. My kids and I went to counseling for two years after getting the divorce...it was worth every penny and every minute so that they would not grow up thinking that kind of behavior is 'ok' and I would break the cycle of choosing abusive partners. chindy004@yahoo.com

You can stay with us, Oeno!

Whattaya mean *IF*????

wyteduv.... since Paw is on the east coast, it would probably fall to a west coaster to organize a get-together After all...Paw is only ONE person!!!!

oops I shoulda said "except for Tilda" ;)--> I really enjoyed the margarita times and the hanging out times with the 'tilda family.

badcindy

Then bring it!!! I am not saying that silence should be maintained for the good of....etc, etc. etc...blah blah blah I am saying and will continue to say that if there is a problem ... bring it...take it to the SOURCE. Judgement without fact is ignorant....judgement with facts is truth. But gossip...save it...don't wanna hear it.

Well...John ain't dead or in denial....he's been pretty open to his ills...so we're gonna judge him and gossip about him??? Now I ain't a John Lynn fan complete with starry eyes and bible thumping...but he IS alive and able to respond. There are just no ethics involved in knocking someone unless you have the guts to bring it to the person, themselves.

LOLOL

Tell ya what, dmiller...ya bring some suds....no hand slapping will happen (unless it turns ya on....then we'll set up a slapping line) muhahaha

That was beautiful, oeno!!!!! And I salute you!

You are absolutely right, Cowgirl....but it does no good whatsoever...ya know???

I was in the corps when John was there, too. If someone is going to be judged...that is the fault of those making the judgements. He is a public figure...he is recognized...but judged? I draw the line there. His life, strong points, faults, etc. are his own. Where he has affected other folks...they need to deal with him personally. Just because you are in the public eye does not invite "judgement". I've never seen where judgement does any good whatsoever...have you?

:)--> oh you must pay, dmiller...you must PAYYYYYYY wanna buy some suds for da party????

So being in the limelight means you can judge him without knowing ANY of the facts???

BLAHHHHH...oh...excuse me...didn't mean ta barf on ya there, dmiller!!!

The only real point is...it is his business...not yours. If you want to pass judgement...fine....now please roll out your whole life before everyone here..in public...with no input from you. .. and let us judge you. I don't see you doing anything but passing judgement on someone you do not know personally. This is childish and pathetic. If he wronged you, contact him..if not..shut the hell up and let him heal and find his way...you would want the same dealt to you.