Cindy!

One of the three events in the Chicagoland area celebrating the release of the Half Blood Prince was 1.5 miles straight down the road from us. During the wizards chess piece in this news footage...if you see a black robed player on the near left hand, lower side of the screen, that is our Joshua, dressed as Draco Malfoy. And when the camera pans left at the end of the segment, with the reporter in the crowd...you can see Katryna and her friend's faces! Mt Prospect Harry Potter Click on ABC7 Video (this link is only good for a few days)

*Asparagas cooking tip* If you wanna do the asparagas, but don't wanna do the sauces, cheeses, and etc.. but want it to taste superb...put your asparagas directly onto the grill, turning it once or twice. When it is pliable (according to your taste) take it off the grill and eat it. You don't need butter, salt, or anything...it's fantastic!!! We are doing the fat burning soup diet this week...and on our vegetable day, we are grilling asparagas for dinner. YUM!!!

Finished it last night...now, where's book 7????

I see a day of reading in many of our futures!!! (and I ain't comin back to gs until I've finished the book...don't want the surprise taken away) Chas...I SO agree!!! The movies are NEVER, EVER, EVER as good as the books!!!!

"At least I think he's a reverend"

THAT was in the reception, Raf!!!

Will Smith Men in Black Tommy Lee Jones

Cowgirl...I promised this to you months ago....FINALLY found the disk!!! It's the wedding ceremony I wrote for our wedding....use any, none, or all the parts you like!! (couldn't attach it, so copy and pasted) ************************************************ Steve and Cindy’s Wedding Ceremony Prelude Music: Bach: Air on a G String, Handel: Water Music Air, Pachelbel: Canon in D Seating of Parents PROCESSIONAL (Processional music begins: Four Seasons) -Enter: Rafael, Steve, Mike (Best Man), then Joshua, then Zachary down the side path. Rafael takes place center of arch, Groom stands to right (as one faces the altar) of Rafael, Best Man to right of Groom, Groomsmen to the right of the Best Man, all facing towards guests. -Enter: Bridesmaids, first Jenna (Matron of Honor), then Jessica, then Katryna (taking their places on the left of Rafael) followed by the Ringbearer and the Flower Girl scattering rose petals. (ringbearer and flower girl then stand next to the groomsmen and bridesmaids, respectively) (Bridal March music begins) Guests rise: Bride takes Mark's right arm, and he walks her -slowly- down the aisle, guides Bride to stop at the end of the aisle facing Rafael, on the Groom’s left, Mark stands at the Bride’s side, and steps back to stand behind Bride and Groom. WELCOME TO GUESTS Rafael: People everywhere and all through the ages have been drawn together in times of ceremony, joy and celebration. Thus today we have been drawn here together to witness and to celebrate with Steve and Cindy in their union for the founding of a new marriage. PRESENTATION OF THE BRIDE Rafael: Who presents Cindy into marriage on this day? Mark: I, Mark Brown, along with her parents, do so give her. (Groom steps forward to shake Mark’s hand; Mark hugs/kisses Bride and places her hand into the hand of Groom) (Mark moves to seat in front row with the bride’s family to watch remainder of ceremony) ADDRESSING THE COUPLE Rafael: As husband and wife may all your life be a perfect blending of loving, caring, planning, sharing, and happiness unending. May dreams unfold and turn to gold bringing you joy and laughter. May each year too, find both of you still "happy ever after." True love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful, it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own ways, it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrong but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. True love never ends. DECLARATION OF INTENT Rafael: The bond of Marriage is not one to be entered into lightly. This sacred union will forever bind the two of you as one. Do you, Steve and Cindy, come of your free will and conscious desire to be united in marriage? Steve and Cindy: We do. Rafael: (turns to the Groom) Do you, Steve, enter into this union freely, willingly, with love and honor of this woman in your heart, knowing the full scope of your decision? Do you promise to care for Cindy in all of the joys and sorrows of life, come what may, and to share the responsibility for growth and enrichment of your life together? Steve: I do. Rafael: (turns to the Bride) Do you, Cindy, enter into this union freely, willingly, with love and honor of this man in your heart, knowing the full scope of your decision? Do you promise to care for Steve in all of the joys and sorrows of life, come what may, and to share the responsibility for growth and enrichment of your life together? Cindy: I do. (Bride hands bouquet to Matron of Honor) EXCHANGE OF MARRIAGE VOWS Rafael: Steve, take Cindy by the right hand and say to her: Rafael: "I, Stephen Lewis Wall take you, Cynthia Ann Hinson, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow." Steve: I, Stephen Lewis Wall take you, Cynthia Ann Hinson, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow. Rafael: Cindy, take Steve by the right hand, and say to him: Rafael: "I, Cynthia Ann Hinson take you, Stephen Lewis Wall, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow." Cindy: I, Cynthia Ann Hinson take you, Stephen Lewis Wall, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow. Exchange of Promises Rafael: Now the bride and groom will exchange promises with each other that they have written. Steve: I love you with all my heart. Never before have I ever met anyone that has allowed me to be so completely free, so completely myself. Never before have I ever met anyone that I could completely share my life with. I will be with you always. Cindy: Today isn’t the beginning of our life together, but a continuation of a life together that has existed since before we met…a beautiful swell in the symphony of our life, and a day orchestrated by God. Without you, I am not me. Without your love, my life would be bereft of depth. With everything I am and with the whole-hearted consent and love of Jessica, Katryna, Joshua, and Zachary I commit myself as your wife, best friend and lover… with joy, honesty, and God’s help. EXCHANGE OF WEDDING RINGS (Rafael receives rings from Best Man and Matron of Honor.) Rafael: The symbolic exchange of rings represents a token of the couples trust and love for one another. The rings are made from precious metal representing the value and importance we place on this commitment and promise. They are made of an unending circle representing the continuity of undying love and the unending quality of love. Rafael: The Bride and Groom will now exchange rings as tokens of their abiding love for one another. Rafael: Steve, place this ring on Cindy’s finger and repeat after me: "With this ring, I thee wed, and join my life to yours." Steve: With this ring, I thee wed, and join my life to yours. Rafael: Cindy, place this ring on Steve’s finger and repeat after me: "With this ring, I thee wed, and join my life to yours." Cindy: With this ring, I thee wed, and join my life to yours. UNITY CANDLE CEREMONY Rafael: Steve and Cindy have come together this day along with their children to form not only a marriage bond, but also a new family bond, knowing that these bonds will withstand the joys and trials of the rest of their lives. In recognition and celebration of this larger family and the new bonds created today; Steve, Cindy, Jessica, Katryna, Joshua, and Zachary will be lighting candles that represent this newly made family. ('London' Trio No. 2 In G: Andante - Allegro plays) (Rafael lights Steve and Cindy’s candle, Steve and Cindy light the Unity candle and hug, then Jessica and Joshua light their candles from the Unity candle, place them in the holders, and hug the Bride and Groom, Katryna and Zachary light their candles from the Unity candle, place them in the holders and hug the Bride and Groom …symbolizing the union of their family in this marriage.) (music ends) Rafael: (to guests) As each of you behold these candles, reflect on the good wishes and hopes and dreams that you would bestow on the new couple and family. BLESSINGS FOR THE BRIDE & GROOM Rafael: Father, protect Steve and Cindy from anything that might harm this marriage. Give them courage when burdens come their way. Remind them to forgive one another when there are failings, and help them to maintain an awareness of the purpose of their marriage. And that, in their old age they may love and cherish one another even more deeply than at this very moment. (or whatever you wanna say for the blessing, Rafael!) There is a traditional wedding blessing used by the Apache Tribe that reads: ”Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be the shelter for each other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be the warmth for the other. Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before. Go now to your dwelling place to enter into the days of your life together. And may your days be good and long upon the earth. Treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves. When frustration, difficulty and fear assail your relationship - as they threaten all relationships at one time or another - remember to focus on what is right between you, not only the part which seems wrong. In this way, you can ride out the storms when clouds hide the face of the sun in your lives - remembering that even if you lose sight of it for a moment, the sun is still there. And if each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight.” (The song “This I Promise You” plays, Bride and Groom stand facing each other, hand in hand ) PRONOUNCEMENT OF MARRIAGE Rafael: Having heard the vows you have made to each other, by the authority given to me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. May there always be such love between you, that when one cries the other tastes salt. Rafael: You may kiss your bride. Steve: (kisses bride, takes her hands in his) Rafael: (places his hand over their joined hands) What we have this day wrought, let no one tear asunder. Rafael: (To assembled guests) Ladies and Gentlemen: It is my joy and privilege to be the first to present to you Mr. and Mrs. Stephen Wall. -Bride and Groom exit RECESSIONAL (A Midsummer Night’s Dream plays) ************************************************

The best way to do that is probably to approach the situation as a team and agree on the best, most non-threatening way to let each other know when a talk is needed. One thing my kids and I did for years, is we agreed on a term to use that we all thought was non-threatening and would let the other know that a safe time to express feelings is needed. Our term was "I need a pow-wow". That was the signal to the other person(s) that it was time to not judge, but to listen, share whatever that person(s) feelings, and discuss. A "safe place to fall" that would never be discussed outside of the pow-wow time.

Here is a web page on Active Listening skills that is a bit easier to understand: Active Listening Skills

cool!

Yep, they really knew what they were doin, didn't they??? NOT!!!

AMEN to that, brotha!!!!

And how do you feel about that? (kidding) :)-->

When I train people on this, I usually do a few "practice" exercises. They have a list in front of them of the steps, and if they want me to I coach them through it, I do. We will use an exercise that is made up, so that they are not personally invested and can just use the time to learn the steps. So, Mr Ham...if you were in one of my training sessions...I'd ask you... "Which step(s) do you think you missed?" -->

Yep, Mr Ham...thatsa game. Whether it's a game cuz the woman doesn't know what's really bothering her, doesn't think the man will "hear" her and respond, or is too afraid to say anything cuz she knows he'll hold it against her one day. All valid reasons. And ALL illustrate how and why active listening works so well. She would be heard, her words would be paraphrased and spoken back to her, her feelings would be expressed, her feelings would be validated by being spoken back to her, and the person listening would ask what she thinks would help her, she would make a few suggestions, they would agree on one. Et voila...principal office avoided.

It's the feeling of loss of control, too when you hear "*I* need to talk to *YOU* Gives ya that "going to the principal's office" kinda feeling. icko!!

I love ebay...use it both for buying and selling. I did have a problem with one psycho...but ebay worked with me on it and shut that person's account down. If I buy something that I don't quite like...I simply turn around and sell it on ebay. Usually if you pay close attention to the item description and ask questions of the seller...it will usually turn out quite well.

This is what Steve and I refer to as a "baggage moment". Whenever something comes up that is a baggage moment, we have both agreed to not take whatever is said or felt then personally. That is a time when active listening is most important so that that "safe place" is established. We make agreements about baggage times....when a baggage moment comes up that we've talked about...we've already discussed what we are going to do (from the last time that particular baggage moment happened) so that whoever is having the moment gets the help towards healing that is needed. *note* At first active listening seems awkward, and you worry about doing the steps in the "right order". Don't feel defeated...the same habit that makes us expect the BC tongue lashing (or whatever the baggage is) is one that was learned, built over time. So is active listening. And don't confuse what I said about Steve and I never raising our voices as if you raise yours, you've failed. Not so. It's our style (Steve's and mine) to not raise our voices....it may be your style to talk very loudly!!!...don't confuse style with level of success. Some folks yell a lot...yet actively listen, so they can yell it out!!!! Only a cult would require you to talk at a certain decible level to be successful. Any logical person KNOWS we aren't all quiet and we aren't all loud!!!

Here are the active listening skills outlined: ************************************************ Active Listening Skills Attending A: Eye contact B: Posture C: Gesture S.O.L.E.R. Five steps to attentive listening Squarely face the person Open your posture Lean towards the sender Eye contact maintained Relax while attending Paraphrasing What is it? Restating a message, but usually with fewer words. Where possible try and get more to the point. Purpose: To test your understanding of what you heard. To communicate that you are trying to understand what is being said. If you’re successful, paraphrasing indicates that you are following the speaker’s verbal explorations and that you’re beginning to understand the basic message. When listening consider asking yourself: What is the speaker’s basic thinking message What is the person’s basic feeling message E.g. S: I just don’t understand, one minute she tells me to do this, and the next minute to do that. X: She really confuses you. S: I really think he is a very nice guy. He’s so thoughtful, sensitive, and kind. He calls me a lot. He’s fun to go out with. X: You like him very much, then. Clarifying What is it: Process of bringing vague material into sharper focus. Purpose: To untangle unclear or wrong listener interpretation. To get more information To help the speaker see other points of view To identify what was said e.g. I’m confused, let me try to sate what I think you were trying to say. You’ve said so much, let me see if I’ve got it all. Perception Checking What is it: Request for verification of your perceptions. Purpose: To give and receive feedback To check out your assumptions e.g. Let me see if I’ve got it straight. You said that you love your children and that they are very important to you. At the same time you can’t stand being with them. Is that what you are saying? Summarizing What is it: pulling together, organizing, and integrating the major aspects of your dialogue. Pay attention to various themes and emotional overtones. Pout key ideas and feelings into broad statements. DO NOT add new ideas. Purpose: To give a sense of movement and accomplishment in the exchange To establish a basis for further discussion. Pull together major ideas, facts, and feelings e.g. A number of good points have been made about rules for the classroom. Let’s take a few minutes to go over them and write them on the board. We’re going all over the map this morning. If I understand you correctly, The three major points of the story are… Primary Empathy What is it: Reflection of content and feelings Purpose: To show that you’re understanding the speaker’s experience To allow the speaker to evaluate his/her feelings after hearing them expressed by someone else Basic Formula: You feel (state feeling) because (state content) e.g. Student: I just don’t know how I am going to get all this math homework done before tonight’s game especially since I don’t get most of this stuff you taught us today. Teacher: You are feeling frustrated and stuck…You are feeling frustrated and stuck with math you don’t know how to do and you’re worried that you won’t figure it out before you go to the game. The main fear for you seems to be fear -- you’re really scared of losing your relationship if things don’t get better. It’s upsetting when someone doesn’t let you tell your side of the story. Advanced Empathy What is it: reflection of content and feeling at a deeper level. Purpose: To try and get an understanding of what may be deeper feelings e.g. I get the sense that you are really angry about what was said, but I am wondering if you also feel a little hurt by it. You said that you feel more confident about contacting employers, but I wonder if you also still feel a bit scared.

Wineman...you make an excellent point! Every marriage needs that "soft place to land". A place in the marriage where it is safe...no judgements, no past being thrown in ones' face, no fault-finding. Where active listening is employed so that each person KNOWS they are heard, understood, and cared about.

Keep lookin, girl!

Krys...yep, the stones in a brook can make it sing...but too many stones make a dam. But yes...Steve and I agreed to work TOGETHER on our marriage cuz we want a sweet one that we can both treasure. But it does take two!!! I think that has A LOT to do with it, Radar. If you battle for years for happiness...you sure deserve to find it however you have to.(especially if you realize that the person who is/was supposed to be fighting by your side...is absent.) I've always loved that Loretta Lynn quote...so true. The examples I gave above from my first marriage are the very same type of examples I've heard friends give of their exes (both male and female). Sad that it's so typical.

I KNEW that...congrats, Raf!!!!!

does someone need some milk and cookies and a nap, sudo???? -->