This thread is very interesting to me. I haven't given much conscious thought to the notion of the idiom of permission, although my studies in Judaism have certainly undone my believe in that theory.
I am with you on this one. I think we apply our own standards and perspetives on these verses and try to make them fit what we already believe. But in truth, I think God does play a role in things that we would consider to be atrocities. I don't understand the whys and sometimes I get really ticked off at God for those things. But then again, Moses, Abraham, many of the great prophets argued with God. I think that tells us that in our relationship with Him, it is okay to disagree, get angry, hash it out, etc.
In the end, I'd have to leave it simpy at "all things work together for good to them that love God." and say I don't understand it, but I have to have faith that in the end, it will work together for good towards whatever God's purpose is.