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March Forth! The ONLY day of the year which is also a command! :)

Lately, as I have been unraveling my old way international conditioned beliefs, I find myself scared at times. Scared that the world that was created for me by the way with all it's self delusion is not true. The insulation from evils, just believe big enough and they will go away - gone! The over-confidence from being so sure that I was right - gone! The inability to call a spade a spade because I should never make a negative confession - gone! And many other things along the same line. Waking up from this nightmare is better than being asleep and trapped in this insanity. I can deal with things for what they really are and hopefully avoid the harm inflicted on the self deluded.

i get scared. i get sick. i pray just like i did when i was kid (that was poem) seriously, i don't care what i know or don't know -- i still pray and look to god and christ. never knew who to pray to when i was a little catholic girl -- so i did both -- which i still do :)

In my explorations beyond the confines of The Way International's theology, I came across the writings of James D.G. Dunn, whom I've come to regard as one of the best New Testament scholars of the late-20th, early-21st century. Dunn occassionally mentions "the lust for certainty", by which he means jumping to conclusions because we want to know MORE than we possibly CAN know. Wierwille certainly fed our lust for certainty. According to Wierwille, you had "to know that you know that you know that you know". We didn't really know more... we just thought we did. We learned intellectual arrogance from Wierwille. If it weren't so pathetic,it would be hilarious, the way the serial cult-leader wannabes of Christian Educational Services/Spirit & Truth Fellowship International/The Living Truth Fellowship try to make their thinking sound scholarly when its all built on Wierwille sand. It's ALL as phoney as Lynn's smile, and they try to continue trading on our lust for certainty. What's really sad is, they don't realize how wrong they are, and they refuse to acknowledge the damage they do, because their intentions ARE "good". You're doing well, OldSkool. We've been following your progress as you post here at GreaseSpot, and you're going through natural readjustments of thinking. Some of us here have come to believe that the world is a much safer place when we actually trust God's care for us instead of our own ability to believe. Scarey things can happen in the real world, but not with as much certainty as they do in Wierwille's lala land. Love, Steve

Getting rid of the way international's fingerprint on my life has not been a "natural" occurrence, something that just happened once I made it past the exit. Instead, it has been a process of discovery, soul searching, and a conscience effort to change my beliefs / behaviors from those programmed by a destructive cult to those that are allowing me to live a healthy life. At this stage I have not gone back to any religion. I stopped briefly to nose around two offshoots and once I smelled the stench of Wierwille in their brands I kept moving. For me the biggest, single point of release has come through reading and posting. Reading what other's have uncovered concerning Wierwille and sorting through my thoughts by typing them into the forums here at GSC. In fact, last week I ordered "Losing the Way" by Kristen Skedgell. Stringing chairs is something I learned on the field, and did all the way through my time in twi. Even in-residence we had long strings that stretched across the larger auditorium at Camp Gunnison so we could get all those chairs perfectly aligned. In-rez we used to argue on chair stringing techniques. All of those goof ball details and all of that time wasted squabbling about NOTHING! Wasted time in a wasted program that issues garbage degrees upon completion that are worth nothing.

Go Away - Godsmack