Leaderboard

Because I know people can be sensitive - this is not about anyone but me and how I see myself in a "group" and individually. My use of the word "you" and "we" is just in conversation to make my points about me and not meant to judge, incorporate, indite or diagnose anyone other than myself. It is my journey and how I broke free. As in the song “Wait I can do better than this…” And we can do better than a lunatic old man with a small dinky and a huge ego. That is and was not God. Some of what he spoke had the ring of truth because he “borrowed” it from people who really did research and who genuinely wanted to help God’s people. And that was the big fat worm on the hook. The hook hidden behind the antics and wiggling of the “stuff we were looking for” then after we took the bait behind the worm was the revealed “hook”. To remove a hook it hurts like helll. But ripping it out is the only way to be free. The saddest thing is there are fish who will just never try to “eat a worm again” - they have walked away from God. And others, who thankfully do not blame God, but will investigate things first next time. We (I spk in general) were seeking something. A better life, sense in a world devoted to nonsense, kindness after we had been beaten, a sense of belonging if we came from abusive or dysfunctional families and the worm danced and sang of all the answers like a carnival barker claiming if you knock over the three bottles you will get the prize. Only they do not show you the nails holding the bottles together or the many of the other deceptions to “get you.” Life is filled with carnival barkers calling out their deceit in wonderful packaging and I am sure we have been taken more than once. I know I have been. But I am determine to NOT give up on God – I am determined to discover WHY I get deceived by the worm and swallow the hook. IS it because I am too lazy to search things out? Is it because I am too afraid that what I see will be wrong and I trust stranger’s views more than my own? Is it in desperation to find the “nice people” I am sure are out there? What is it in ME that has this repeat itself in “cults” “marriages” places of business and or work relationships? What prevents me from seeing the evil behind the mask and how do I obtain sound judgment, discernment and wisdom? How do I repair me so I do not invite the food- seeking lions in seeing me as “food.” It has nothing to do with if I am a good girl, I get good grades, or I helped my mother do the dishes… Lions do not differentiate when they are hungry… They do not say leave the good little girl and eat the mean one. They EAT whomever they can. And therein laid my problem. I was someone they could eat because when I “felt” funny about the worm I still ate it, after I saw the hook I stayed. and when the blatant atrocities happened I tried to “fix” things so I could go back to the “blissful” days (albeit an illusion) Rape is different. But even as a victim of rape one must decide if they will live in the horror of the rape for the rest of their lives or rise up, wash off the residue of evil and declare – perhaps with a shaken fist – you will NOT defeat me. Some of us allowed TWI to help us choose our spouses, our clothes, our thoughts and behavior, some spread their legs willingly – others learned to “use people” by emotional solicitation and sex. All of it, IMO, no matter which side you (or I) came from was wrong. Once we saw the seduction away from healthy morals and sound thinking – we each sold something in ourselves in an effort to stay. If you did not involve yourself in the sexual things but allowed them to push your kids around – there was a price you paid to “keep the relationship” going. Some sold their homes to please leadership, even though they “felt” it was not the correct thing to do, because we allowed these “people” to think for us on some level because “they were in the know” and we wanted God’s love. Were we used? Helll yes. I do not dispute that but why did so many of us let this happen to ourselves is the question and why so many of us have bucked “recovery” to glom onto the victim role as a life code is what I questioned in my own life. There is healthy interaction with people and there is codependent interaction. With the family cracks laid in me, and slogans such as “God first, OTHERS second, and myself third” I was restructured into considering others before making a sound decision on my own. Blind obedience became a mantra and my own innate sense of right and wrong was thwarted because I was to be LAST in this litany of unhealthy people I allowed in my life. This is NOT biblical and set me up for the narcissist to bully me, the con-artist to use me, the emotional pedophile to deceive me and play with my emotions and for those who have not had my best interest at heart to hold positions of authority and power over me. But like Dorothy in the wizard of Oz I had the power “in me” all along to change things. I could leave, say “no”, study the Bible myself and take control of my own life instead of signing up for “lemming” registration --- I had the power all along. And when it all boils down it is all about “me”. Just like it is all about “you”. Not your abuse, not the tricks, not TWI but what did you do in your life? My part? Well from my eyes I was loyal, trusting, giving and in “their” corner, committed and would not abandon anyone. From their perspective – the con They would say something like, “Everyone always hurts me, uses me and runs out on me.” I then say, “I won’t do that. I will be here for you.” I make a covenant pack WAY too early in a relationship. Then, they feel me out by telling me about a “need” they have… i.e., when I moved here I lost the trunk with my dress clothes and I don’t even have a suit. I, putting their needs before my own, go out and buy them a suit. My perspective: I will love them the way I would want to be loved. I will believe in them and give them an opportunity at their job interview to shine with the “new suit.” Their perspective: What an idiot. I have one on the hook, I wonder what else I can get her to do for me. After I see that the person then goes out drinking and having a great time and had the money to BUY THEIR OWN SUIT while I have to count pennies as I “gave” beyond what I should have given… I get mad but I do not leave as I gave my word, my bond, my oath – “I will not leave”… The red flags be dammmmed after all, he just needed to be believed in -- its only a suit. Their perspective, Wow, I can run around drink and do whatever I want and she ain’t going no place. Awesome. Maybe I can give her a sob story and have her fix my car. Oh Dot, thanks for always being there for me and when I get back into my financial pace I am taking you out for a great dinner and movie or whatever you want.” I forgive their slight over sight in using their money to dally at the bars and once he “makes it” he will see who has been in his corner. But he does need his car fixed to “get” to the interview. I will offer half the money until he gets on his feet then he can pay me back or whatever… Their perspective: Shoot, I do not have to pay her back, I will just come up with another sob story… Meanwhile, I am going to ask “Betsy” out as she has confidence and is a challenge… I have done the same thing over and over. On the WOW field, in the ministry, at work, in relationships over and over and over same story line different people and situations. I had to remove myself from my “life” and stand still for a minute and LOOK at myself. I had begged God for people to stop doing this to me and to BLESS me – but I stayed on the same hamster wheel… Giving, being used and asking God to bless me. First, I had to get off the wheel. Then, I had to dissect why the wheel appealed to me. Next, WHAT I DID to invite these kinds of people and situations into my life repeatedly. I established boundaries. I began to heed red flags. I addressed “past” issues, which taught me vulnerability and “looser” behaviors and all the layered stuff that happened as a result of it. Then, I had to be willing to change. If I wanted a NEW life I had to incorporate NEW behaviors. And that is where I am currently. Investigating a “new” me who can make better decisions and recognize red flags from the “get go” and WALK AWAY. I cannot fix another person. I cannot make someone love me who doesn’t. I cannot fix a ministry. I cannot make someone stop drinking. I cannot change others. But what I can change is ME. And I take responsibility for “inviting” these situations to myself – for after I saw the hook behind the worm I convinced myself what I saw was wrong or “fixable”. “I must be doing something wrong. And I needed to try harder be nicer/smarted/prettier/more compliant… I can fix this….” There are predators and they do target people. I walked around with a target on my head. I was targeted because I "lived" as a perpetual target. Nothing I can do will make a predator STOP being a predator or will stop a person from drowning if they will not get out of the water and into the lifeboat but I can stop being a target and an enabler. They never change and if they do it will be by their own hand. All I did was waste the energy that could have moved me to knowing MY dreams and waste it on someone else, or a cult or a whatever else distracted me. I do not make “lasting vows” too early anymore. I do not ask TOO many people their opinions. I get quiet, go to God and move forward with the things I can DO, I can CHANGE and I can HANDLE. It has left me lean in the area of friends and activities. But I realized to surround myself with unhealthy people was not having a group of friends but rather being a part of the tribe that walked around the desert for 40 years. I wanted OUT of the desert and before I could show anyone the way out (if asked) I had to break free and find my own way out. I am responsible for me. Thank God!

MStar - - - thanks for that info on Turlough O'Carolan. I never knew he was blind. His tunes transcend the centuries. After reading your post, I googled his name, and found out that he was blinded by smallpox, at age 18 in the year of 1788. Damn. I can see the fingerboard/ the keyboard/ whatever, and I've never written a piece of music equal to his. Shebag Shemore (more properly written as Si Beag Si Mor) is one of our favorite tunes here in the "Northland". Here's a version of it on Hammered Dulcimer. I almost bought a Hammered Dulcimer (for 600 bucks - handmade) back in 1976. At the time I had 6 or 7 other instruments, so I passed on the Hammered Dulcimer. I've regretted it ever since. <object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value=" name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src=" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>

It seems to me that one can tell when a Biblical Scholar has finally "arrived" in that he no longer believes in much of anything anymore. He embraces agnosticism with open arms relieves himself of the daily struggle to try to make sense of the inherently irrational...

Do they know? The answer to me is contained in scriptures, not in analyzing people with narcissistic personality disorders like Q-Tip and the Great Pineapple. The core of the issue goes back to being sons of God. In the NIV, these scriptures highlight this: I John 1: 5This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. 7But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. 8If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives. The subtlety in the actions of the BOD, and especially Frau Q-Tip is central to 1 John 1:8 - this is actually what they themselves have taught as "The Central Deception". Now if you question them directly of course they will say "I don't claim to be without sin". And yet when you examine how they operate that is exactly what they are doing. They use their positions of authority to frame any interaction to be about their authority, not about their actions. They never allow their actions, or the fruit of their lives, to be examined by anyone. Through their authority which they abuse regularly there is a great deal of sin. Yet because of this authority nobody is ever permitted to confront this sin. Every conversation is framed away from their sin - it is ignored. Here's an example. Q-Tip, by public court records, was well aware of the sexual indiscretions of the previous president 5 years before the lawsuit. All the details of that, and the accusations of her playing a part in all of that were hidden away. In reality, all of this should be brought before the household to be handled. The sin, and the fruit of the sin is there. To admit it and get it handled and out in the open is what these verses are talking about. Yet they hide away their actions behind closed doors. They say to the household they are without sin. In interactions with others they say they are without sin. In this example, Rosalie confronted the Corps on not speaking up about this. This is sin. They frame conversations to never examine their fruit, but always to be about someone else. This is sin. This is hard-heartedness. This is evil. In this, the scriptures judge them. They deceive themselves. The truth is not in them. They will eventually answer for their sin - by their fruit they make God out to be a liar, and His Word has no place in their lives. This is the truth of the matter, regardless of whether they are blabbering on about someone else "losing their passion for the truth" or whatever lie they are making up at the time. They lie. They deal in lies. The lies originate within themselves. And lies are opposite of the truth. God honors the truth. People that walk in the truth He talks with, guides, gives inspiration to them so that they can live for Him and honor Him. These are not like that. They construct false honor for themselves, which the fruit of their lives contradicts.

When I took the advanced class; it was mostly a lot of superstitious stuff about devil spirits.... probably still is. How people can take that stuff seriously can only be understood by those of us who did!! lol I've been free of such superstition for over 30 years and haven't had a single instance when any of that knowledge served any purpose other than to humble me for having once believed it. Peeepul, forget devil spirits and join enlightened society - your life will be more abundant instead of more superstitious.

I think the whole Advanced Class was ONE Big Fat (but unsubstantiated) Claim! Love, Steve

Saw what I thought was a pretty good bumper sticker this AM. South Louisiana is about as Catholic as you can get. Now I don't really care about doctrinal issues, nor any one's particular bent on which denomination is better - but this one i thought was just a good statement on humans. Quoted per the sticker - don't slam the grammar please. "I Am Thankful for the Thousands of GOOD Priests." Dawned on me (sunrise is rare in my brain) that we always hear about the the priest busted with his altar boy or some such thing - but rarely hear about the ones who just go about their work. Reminds me of here - where we hear about all of the sins that the way corps committed and rarely about those who did something decent. Not that it doesn't happen - just was an interesting correlation in my addled little brain.

From Grey Fox 2008. <object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value=" name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src=" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=8716417 http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=8746405 Thes guys were in the Way? They were pretty good. I was searching around with diff keywords and ran into this

Mstar - - - Here's hoping you had a great time at Sam's concert tonight. He is the consummate musician. I'm sure you heard a VERY GOOD concert tonight, BUT I WISH YOU COULD HAVE HEARD IT IN THE ORIGINAL!!! Sam surrounds himself with pickers who never hit a wrong note/ look great on stage/ and entertain the audience beyond their wildest dreams. I had the fortune to "hang out" with the original New Grass Revival back in the early 1970's when they came to town (back in Indiana) to put on concerts. Wait - - - I take that back. It wasn't the original NGR, since Ebo Walker (bass player) had left, and was replaced by John Cowan by that time. The band consisted of Sam on mandolin and fiddle/ John Cowan on bass/ Curtis Burch on guitar and dobro/ and Courtney Johnson on banjo. Since you're becoming enamored with the banjo, I'm wondering if you've ever heard of Courtney Johnson? He was a pioneer in the "melodic" banjo world and is sadly missed by many of us. Was Scott Vestal picking banjo tonight at your concert? He (and his Stealth banjo) are the talk of the bluegrass community (these days). Here's a short commemorative clip of Courtney I found on YouTube (him playing the banjo). Sadly - - There isn't much video on Courtney. :( <object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value=" name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src=" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>(edited for spelling mistakes)

Thanks mstar1, I enjoyed that one! I'm not sure if banjo's can play sad songs?

D Miller, that was cool. Presently listening to Women of Faith singing"Hear Our Praises" written by Ruben Morgan of Hilsong.