We don't attend church now, but I did for awhile. I didn't make my kids attend if they didn't want to.
They were involved briefly in a Wed night program but we didn't care for the attitudes they were coming home with--the 'you're not a Christian' accusations etc. We took them out.
They spent two summers in a very well run, fun, tweeners program run by a big mainstream church and they all enjoyed that, plus I think it erased some of the ugliness of TWI. They still have friends they met there. They dramatized alot of Bible stories.
My kids were younger than yours when we left, plus the two years prior to leaving we minimised their involvment as much as possible, so they don't remember too much.
I personally would not force a child to go to church, especially not a teen. You can make them go, but you can't make it a good experience for them, I think.
My own spiritual path is not Christian, and I believe people need to seach and find their own genuine path, not take up one to please another.
TWI was all about pleasing authority figures, probably even more so for a child.
I understand how your daughter feels. if someone forced me to go to church with them right now, I would feel deeply hurt because I haven't come to terms yet with all I went through, and being a teenager makes it doubly difficult.
my oldest has a lot of trust issues he's finally feeling ok to breach, after 3 years of therapy. I won't take him to a church, but I will talk to him about twi doctrines we took for granted, answer his questions, and respect his doubt.
We don't go to church now. It's just not worth it to go through hell to get all prettied up to go to a church that teaches against our beliefs. However, I do want my kids to have a hunger to know God like I did at her age.
I was a Way Brat in a sense and I loved the word. As an adult I found it hard to fit into a Way mold and was relieved to finally be gone. I dont want church for me but for my kids to keep God in their focus especially my teen with all she has to deal with in the world of high school. And I want them to have the benefit of being raised with God at the center of their lives as I was. But it is met with resistance by the oldest, and no I don't push it on her I want her to desire it. I just hope that the verse that tells us if we train up a child in the way they should go they may not depart from it holds true for her.
As my kids were growing up in The Way, I noticed a big difference between how we were as teenagers getting involved in TWI and how my kids (and others in the state) acted.
Part of the difference was, that for kids growing up in TWI, this was "their parents' religion".
I dont want church for me but for my kids to keep God in their focus especially my teen with all she has to deal with in the world of high school.
church isn't a prerequisite for God... training up a child doesn't have to involve church. I think the most important thing is to show your love and keep the lines of communication open, and talk openly about what you learn, what you experience, and what you think of it. maybe later she'll find a group of her own.
I kind of think wanting something for your kids that you don't want for yourself is hypocritical... I'm being a little blunt here but not to hurt anyone's feelings. I feel very strongly about it because my ex recently told our oldest that he thought twi was a waste of his time and he only went for the kids... like wtf? why did you waste the kids' time, then? why were we all tortured for so many years (many years before kids came along) if it was all for the kids? yuck.
I feel that way about any religious practice. do it for yourself. teach by example. if you don't want it, why should your kids?
my daughters are skiddish of all Way people and exway.. They are loving good hearted once brused. I told my daughters that my exfiance, who is still in, contacted me recently. They gave me "Words of Wisdom," and wanted to talk it out right away to see what I was thinking..and what is he thinking, of course I dont always have answers.
Being the person I am, I reasoned with them, because they have a right to feel the way they do, but to bring thier concerns about who I choose as friends..but I am not one to walk away from anyone who I have invested my life or time with and the Way isnt going to choose my friends or future.
they were not born into it,only by birth..they spent all thier childhood involved..till highschool..my youngest doesnt talk about it much.I wish she would open up more..im pretty verble about my feelings. My oldest married a christian in those terms..he is a gem for a son n law.
Well I had at least some type of church growing up and it kept me from a lot of the bad in life. My daughter doesn't have that because we can't find a church we all like. I teach them the word but they don't know the joy of fellowshipping with other christians. I don't see me as hypocritical because I don't think of it as a waste of time. I just don't think these organizations have anything to offer adults but the kids programs are usually pretty extensive and fun. And it gets them keeping the Word in their minds more often.
Now thy only hear it at times when they have questions or they do something against the scriptures and need to be corrected. My oldest is a good kid and thus far has made sound choices in her life but this is such a tough time in the maturation process. I believe having the Way during that time in my life helped me to avoid many of the pitfalls of this time. But for my oldest, being in the way has hardened her heart to the teaching of the Word by any organization.
All I would add is that it's possible to raise a loving, good and moral child without religion. That you can't understand love or peace or goodness without God is untrue.
I do want my kids to have a hunger to know God like I did at her age.
We all want lots of stuff for our kids. A lot of it is around being like us (or not being like us) at a certain age. Oh well. Get over it. Kids have their own mind. The best thing you can do for your kids is teach them to decide for themselves (because they will anyway) and let them know you'll love them no matter what choice they make. You have to show them this - not tell them for it to be effective.
All my kids were raised in the way. My oldest, 24, decided to quit fellowshipping before we did. He saw some things that just completely turned him off way before he made that decision. My middle son, 18, didn't like it either. My daughter, 11, likes to go to church as her involvement with twi was minimal. She didn't see what my boys experienced.
That's what I find as well. The ones who don't remember the way love church and the one who does hates it. Just tonight I overheard her telling a friend that she isn't going to the Wednesday night church thing with her friends. She told her friend it wasn't because she was against God just organized religion.
And what's sad is I remember seeing a daughter of a corps couple I knew at a Sunday Night Service. She was reluctant to speak, and I could just feel her holding back. She looked withdrawn, and even depressed. I felt sorry for her, and no wonder. As children of corps, they're not free to express themselves. She used to be a very happy child when she was younger. You know, always laughing, just in love with life, wanting to do this, and couldn't wait to do that...
Well I have seen that with non corps kids too. And my high school sweetheart when into the family corps and came back with a little bit of a hard butt attitude.
My kids were raised in TWI. They liked hanging out with the other kids... playing basketball, Gameboy's, listening to music... plenty of worldly stuff ;)
The enjoyed going to New Knoxville on Sunday's, since this was the time all the kids could pile in a enormous van, laughing and goofing around the entire ride! They didn't like the 'children's fellowship' while there, but admittedly 'put up with it', since they enjoyed hanging w/ their friends!
They've seen how ugly leadership had gotten, and have no desire to return... some of the kids keep in touch... a few are involved w/ 'stick' ministries, but still IM each other against their parent's will
We all want lots of stuff for our kids. A lot of it is around being like us (or not being like us) at a certain age. Oh well. Get over it. Kids have their own mind. The best thing you can do for your kids is teach them to decide for themselves (because they will anyway) and let them know you'll love them no matter what choice they make. You have to show them this - not tell them for it to be effective.
WHOA!!!!
I just found this thread tonight. I was raised in TWI. I've never had a good relationship with my parents. My impression of parents in TWI is that the only thing that matters to them is that their kids go to fellowship. They may say they love and just want the best and yada yada but,
The only thing that matters to them is that their kids go to fellowship.
not that they understand the Word not that they have a relationship with The Father not that they can develop real relationships with human beings not that you can function in society not that they feel loved
The only thing that matters to them is that their kids go to fellowship.
Well I was in the Way most of my childhood. My parents weren't so stringent about us attending fellowship. I think they were more absorbed into the Way. We used to have lessons and sports before the way and after that we didn't have any fun activities outside of fellowship anymore. No dance no baseball no piano lessons etc. Now that we are all out of the Way my mom has apologized over and over for getting me in the Way. However, I am thankful for what I learned while in. Furthermore, mom never pushed any of her children. She did encourage my brothers who weren't in but never pushed them to be involved against their will.
I guess it depends on the parent how they handled the pressure of the Way. I would suggest to you that you talk to your parents. They may be feeling pretty badly about how they responded as parents while they were in the Way and just don't know how to let you know how sorry they are.
Well I was in the Way most of my childhood. My parents weren't so stringent about us attending fellowship. I think they were more absorbed into the Way. We used to have lessons and sports before the way and after that we didn't have any fun activities outside of fellowship anymore. No dance no baseball no piano lessons etc. Now that we are all out of the Way my mom has apologized over and over for getting me in the Way. However, I am thankful for what I learned while in. Furthermore, mom never pushed any of her children. She did encourage my brothers who weren't in but never pushed them to be involved against their will.
I guess it depends on the parent how they handled the pressure of the Way. I would suggest to you that you talk to your parents. They may be feeling pretty badly about how they responded as parents while they were in the Way and just don't know how to let you know how sorry they are.
I should add that I've been trying to get on some sort communicatable level with my folks and I'm starting to get bits and pieces of info that let me now understand why getting along is a pain. first, they talk wayfer. that's clear. A bigger problem is their obedience to leadership. I've found out decisions that they made concerning me were not their decisions in the first place. It was TWI leadership. Leadership would tell them they were bad parents and then tell them what to do. They are so obiendent that my folks are just puppets for leadership. I don't see how it would be possible to really know who my parents are untill the virus is erradicated and systems are rebooted.
Amen Bolshevik. I am sorry, for it is such a waste. I think though, that you will be stronger for what you have endured. Your parents are not mentally healthy. They are entirely dependant upon everyone else to make their choices. They are not free to love or support you, to chose what is right. They are required to ignore every basic parenting instinct. They are crippled in so many ways.
I speak this as an adult who began raising our children the first few years when we were still involved in twi...I know and understand the pressures that were exerted to mold your parents into the cold unfeeling automatons that twi requires. I understand sacrificing the children on the altar of leaderships requirements.
On the upside (at least this is what I try to focus on) .... I was once told that we get two shots in life with family. The one that we are born into, and the one that we create for ourselves as adults.
Since we were screwed out of the childhood and parents that we deserved as children...the only option that we have left is to be damned good parents ourselves and make sure that our kiddoes are our priority and safe from the damage that was inflicted upon us.
There is quiet peace, dignity and contentment to be found in that.
On the upside (at least this is what I try to focus on) .... I was once told that we get two shots in life with family. The one that we are born into, and the one that we create for ourselves as adults.
Since we were screwed out of the childhood and parents that we deserved as children...the only option that we have left is to be damned good parents ourselves and make sure that our kiddoes are our priority and safe from the damage that was inflicted upon us.
There is quiet peace, dignity and contentment to be found in that.
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Bramble
We don't attend church now, but I did for awhile. I didn't make my kids attend if they didn't want to.
They were involved briefly in a Wed night program but we didn't care for the attitudes they were coming home with--the 'you're not a Christian' accusations etc. We took them out.
They spent two summers in a very well run, fun, tweeners program run by a big mainstream church and they all enjoyed that, plus I think it erased some of the ugliness of TWI. They still have friends they met there. They dramatized alot of Bible stories.
My kids were younger than yours when we left, plus the two years prior to leaving we minimised their involvment as much as possible, so they don't remember too much.
I personally would not force a child to go to church, especially not a teen. You can make them go, but you can't make it a good experience for them, I think.
My own spiritual path is not Christian, and I believe people need to seach and find their own genuine path, not take up one to please another.
TWI was all about pleasing authority figures, probably even more so for a child.
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potato
I understand how your daughter feels. if someone forced me to go to church with them right now, I would feel deeply hurt because I haven't come to terms yet with all I went through, and being a teenager makes it doubly difficult.
my oldest has a lot of trust issues he's finally feeling ok to breach, after 3 years of therapy. I won't take him to a church, but I will talk to him about twi doctrines we took for granted, answer his questions, and respect his doubt.
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FreeAtLast
We don't go to church now. It's just not worth it to go through hell to get all prettied up to go to a church that teaches against our beliefs. However, I do want my kids to have a hunger to know God like I did at her age.
I was a Way Brat in a sense and I loved the word. As an adult I found it hard to fit into a Way mold and was relieved to finally be gone. I dont want church for me but for my kids to keep God in their focus especially my teen with all she has to deal with in the world of high school. And I want them to have the benefit of being raised with God at the center of their lives as I was. But it is met with resistance by the oldest, and no I don't push it on her I want her to desire it. I just hope that the verse that tells us if we train up a child in the way they should go they may not depart from it holds true for her.
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Oakspear
As my kids were growing up in The Way, I noticed a big difference between how we were as teenagers getting involved in TWI and how my kids (and others in the state) acted.
Part of the difference was, that for kids growing up in TWI, this was "their parents' religion".
None of my kids are particualrly religious.
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potato
church isn't a prerequisite for God... training up a child doesn't have to involve church. I think the most important thing is to show your love and keep the lines of communication open, and talk openly about what you learn, what you experience, and what you think of it. maybe later she'll find a group of her own.
I kind of think wanting something for your kids that you don't want for yourself is hypocritical... I'm being a little blunt here but not to hurt anyone's feelings. I feel very strongly about it because my ex recently told our oldest that he thought twi was a waste of his time and he only went for the kids... like wtf? why did you waste the kids' time, then? why were we all tortured for so many years (many years before kids came along) if it was all for the kids? yuck.
I feel that way about any religious practice. do it for yourself. teach by example. if you don't want it, why should your kids?
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likeaneagle
my daughters are skiddish of all Way people and exway.. They are loving good hearted once brused. I told my daughters that my exfiance, who is still in, contacted me recently. They gave me "Words of Wisdom," and wanted to talk it out right away to see what I was thinking..and what is he thinking, of course I dont always have answers.
Being the person I am, I reasoned with them, because they have a right to feel the way they do, but to bring thier concerns about who I choose as friends..but I am not one to walk away from anyone who I have invested my life or time with and the Way isnt going to choose my friends or future.
they were not born into it,only by birth..they spent all thier childhood involved..till highschool..my youngest doesnt talk about it much.I wish she would open up more..im pretty verble about my feelings. My oldest married a christian in those terms..he is a gem for a son n law.
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FreeAtLast
Well I had at least some type of church growing up and it kept me from a lot of the bad in life. My daughter doesn't have that because we can't find a church we all like. I teach them the word but they don't know the joy of fellowshipping with other christians. I don't see me as hypocritical because I don't think of it as a waste of time. I just don't think these organizations have anything to offer adults but the kids programs are usually pretty extensive and fun. And it gets them keeping the Word in their minds more often.
Now thy only hear it at times when they have questions or they do something against the scriptures and need to be corrected. My oldest is a good kid and thus far has made sound choices in her life but this is such a tough time in the maturation process. I believe having the Way during that time in my life helped me to avoid many of the pitfalls of this time. But for my oldest, being in the way has hardened her heart to the teaching of the Word by any organization.
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Jim
All I would add is that it's possible to raise a loving, good and moral child without religion. That you can't understand love or peace or goodness without God is untrue.
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polar bear
My two kids grew up in twi.
One day I asked them if they were going to stand with the way when they left home.
They both told me honestly "no way".
It was one of the many things that initiated my thinking about leaving twi.
After I did leave I realized my kids were in many ways more logical in their thinking than I was.
So to any innies out there ask your kids what I asked of mine, maybe you might learn something.
No wonder they don't want anything to do with any church, they have figured it out, when any religion comes around
run for the hills
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A la prochaine
PB
When they responded 'NO' did you ask them why?
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FreeAtLast
You definitely raised your kids to be honest. Shows a lot that they can tell you know without the fear or reproof.
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outandabout
My daughter was a fetus when I left TWI.
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excathedra
the most my son knows about TWI is greasespot cafe :) and everything else i've told him.....
he's a good boy
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My3Cents
We all want lots of stuff for our kids. A lot of it is around being like us (or not being like us) at a certain age. Oh well. Get over it. Kids have their own mind. The best thing you can do for your kids is teach them to decide for themselves (because they will anyway) and let them know you'll love them no matter what choice they make. You have to show them this - not tell them for it to be effective.
It's tough work being a good parent. Good luck.
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Lori
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FreeAtLast
Lori,
That's what I find as well. The ones who don't remember the way love church and the one who does hates it. Just tonight I overheard her telling a friend that she isn't going to the Wednesday night church thing with her friends. She told her friend it wasn't because she was against God just organized religion.
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Lori
And what's sad is I remember seeing a daughter of a corps couple I knew at a Sunday Night Service. She was reluctant to speak, and I could just feel her holding back. She looked withdrawn, and even depressed. I felt sorry for her, and no wonder. As children of corps, they're not free to express themselves. She used to be a very happy child when she was younger. You know, always laughing, just in love with life, wanting to do this, and couldn't wait to do that...
So sad.
I would like to see her happy again...
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FreeAtLast
Well I have seen that with non corps kids too. And my high school sweetheart when into the family corps and came back with a little bit of a hard butt attitude.
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SafariVista
My kids were raised in TWI. They liked hanging out with the other kids... playing basketball, Gameboy's, listening to music... plenty of worldly stuff ;)
The enjoyed going to New Knoxville on Sunday's, since this was the time all the kids could pile in a enormous van, laughing and goofing around the entire ride! They didn't like the 'children's fellowship' while there, but admittedly 'put up with it', since they enjoyed hanging w/ their friends!
They've seen how ugly leadership had gotten, and have no desire to return... some of the kids keep in touch... a few are involved w/ 'stick' ministries, but still IM each other against their parent's will
Smart kids!
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Bolshevik
WHOA!!!!
I just found this thread tonight. I was raised in TWI. I've never had a good relationship with my parents. My impression of parents in TWI is that the only thing that matters to them is that their kids go to fellowship. They may say they love and just want the best and yada yada but,
The only thing that matters to them is that their kids go to fellowship.
not that they understand the Word not that they have a relationship with The Father not that they can develop real relationships with human beings not that you can function in society not that they feel loved
The only thing that matters to them is that their kids go to fellowship.
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FreeAtLast
Well I was in the Way most of my childhood. My parents weren't so stringent about us attending fellowship. I think they were more absorbed into the Way. We used to have lessons and sports before the way and after that we didn't have any fun activities outside of fellowship anymore. No dance no baseball no piano lessons etc. Now that we are all out of the Way my mom has apologized over and over for getting me in the Way. However, I am thankful for what I learned while in. Furthermore, mom never pushed any of her children. She did encourage my brothers who weren't in but never pushed them to be involved against their will.
I guess it depends on the parent how they handled the pressure of the Way. I would suggest to you that you talk to your parents. They may be feeling pretty badly about how they responded as parents while they were in the Way and just don't know how to let you know how sorry they are.
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Bolshevik
I should add that I've been trying to get on some sort communicatable level with my folks and I'm starting to get bits and pieces of info that let me now understand why getting along is a pain. first, they talk wayfer. that's clear. A bigger problem is their obedience to leadership. I've found out decisions that they made concerning me were not their decisions in the first place. It was TWI leadership. Leadership would tell them they were bad parents and then tell them what to do. They are so obiendent that my folks are just puppets for leadership. I don't see how it would be possible to really know who my parents are untill the virus is erradicated and systems are rebooted.
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rascal
Amen Bolshevik. I am sorry, for it is such a waste. I think though, that you will be stronger for what you have endured. Your parents are not mentally healthy. They are entirely dependant upon everyone else to make their choices. They are not free to love or support you, to chose what is right. They are required to ignore every basic parenting instinct. They are crippled in so many ways.
I speak this as an adult who began raising our children the first few years when we were still involved in twi...I know and understand the pressures that were exerted to mold your parents into the cold unfeeling automatons that twi requires. I understand sacrificing the children on the altar of leaderships requirements.
On the upside (at least this is what I try to focus on) .... I was once told that we get two shots in life with family. The one that we are born into, and the one that we create for ourselves as adults.
Since we were screwed out of the childhood and parents that we deserved as children...the only option that we have left is to be damned good parents ourselves and make sure that our kiddoes are our priority and safe from the damage that was inflicted upon us.
There is quiet peace, dignity and contentment to be found in that.
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Bolshevik
amen
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