Permit to Resurrect Your Favorite Pet

[T-Bone]

City of God: Permit to Resurrect Your Favorite Pet

Permit Form # 1,507,776 RFP

Be it known to all: as a resident of the City of God each citizen has the privilege to resurrect one favorite pet from their past life on earth. This is a privilege granted solely by the City of God Managers and can be withdrawn by them at any time if sufficient evidence shows that either pet or owner is in violation of any of the guidelines and rules specified below or if applicant has been negligent in providing any requested information. Permit fee is 50 Good Deed Rewards.

Prohibitions and Limitations

The following pets are currently on the Do Not Resurrect List: Poodles and Chihuahuas [exceptions can be made – applicants can request an audience with City Managers and will need to provide up to 700 witnesses that can attest to the good temperament of the former pet – and you will need to file a Form # 1,507,769 PAC, and there is a 700 Good Deed Rewards charge for filing the testimony of each witness]. No Pet Rocks [new Pet Rocks may be purchased at the City of God Souvenir Shop]. No Roosters [by Saint Peter’s request]. No snakes if they were used during Speaking in Tongues sessions with the Holy Ghost People. Old Testament Saints may not resurrect any pets used in sacrificial worship [What don’t you understand about the word “sacrifice”?].

Applicants are limited to resurrecting pets they actually had. If applicants were not allowed to have any pets when they were children and had no pets during adulthood then applicant must also obtain the written permission of both parents [using Form # 1,507, 770 PWP – there is a 10 Good Deed Rewards filing fee]. Upon receipt of necessary forms applicant may then choose to resurrect any animal that resided in a shelter with the exception of Poodles and Chihuahuas.

I wish to resurrect the following former pet [name and species]:

Check the answer applicable: This pet __was __was not house-broken.

This pet did the following trick(s):

Fill out if the following is applicable - When I was a child, my parents did not allow me to have a pet because of:

[Please attach Form # 1,507,770 PWP]

___ Check here if you prefer to resurrect a Poodle or Chihuahua and are requesting an audience with City Managers, and will provide 700 witnesses to testify on behalf of the good nature of the animal.

[Please attach Form # 1,507,769 PAC]

[topoftheworld]

Dear Permit Creator:

It is patenly obvious to me and many of my fellow future angels that you have never owned a pet in your life, and therefore have no clue that there are no requirements needed to grant safe haven to all these creatures.

It is also obvious that you are nothing more than a greedy, selfish, and probably boorish bureaucrat with nothing better to do than continue to destroy forests to swamp us with endless piles of useless paperwork.

Since you have demonstrated you utter lack of animal humilty, you will be sentenced for eternity to clean up after all the animals. Please pick up your shovel in basement.

I and fellow future angels will be arriving with our arms filled with as many of our loved ones as possible(both real and imaginary), and the rest will be scampering joyfully behind. So get busy!!!!

Sincerely,

Typical Pet Lover

(Sorry, T-Bone-couldn't resist)

[T-Bone]

Dear Permit Creator:

It is patenly obvious to me and many of my fellow future angels that you have never owned a pet in your life, and therefore have no clue that there are no requirements needed to grant safe haven to all these creatures.

It is also obvious that you are nothing more than a greedy, selfish, and probably boorish bureaucrat

Dear Typical Pet Lover, I beg to differ with your assessment of me - I am MORE THAN a greedy, selfish, boorish bureaucrat! As you so aptly put it I have never owned a pet - - BECAUSE MY PARENTS WOULD NOT LET ME HAVE ONE AS A CHILD - AND THEY STILL TO THIS DAY REFUSE TO SIGN Form # 1,507,770 PWP !!!!! So - I'm frustrated too.

Sincerely, Pet Owner Wannabe

Edited April 25, 2006 by T-Bone

[topoftheworld]

Dear Pet Owner Wannabe,

You may have all the pets you want. Anykind, anybreed, anytime.

May they give you all the comfort and love you want.

Sincerely,

Typical Pet Lover

[T-Bone]

Dear Typical Pet Lover,

Thank you so much for your care and concern - and if it's not too much of an imposition [and if you can just push this utterly silly thread just a little further] - would you [and a friend] please fill out the Form # 1,507,770 PWP - posing as my parents - then I'll be on my merry way.

Looking forward to having a bunch of critters to love and call my own, Soon-to-be-Pet-Lover

[templelady]

Soon-to-be-Pet-Lover

This is a bureaucracy we are talking about

1) obtain form and writing instrument of your choice

2) fill out form

3) sign parents name

4) submit form

You don't actually think that bureaucracies READ forms do You?? as long as there are the right number of copies with ink in the right places they are satisfied. Quit whining and get to writing

Pet owner who will need two mansions, one for her family, and one for the Mouse, Dogs, Cats, Turtle, Fish, and Gerbils

[T-Bone]

FYI

In situations where it is necessary for City of God resident to have all pets housed in separate facility they must apply for a Re-Zoning Application, use Form # 1,507,779 RZA with a 100 Good Deed Rewards filing fee...Form # 1,507,629 RVE[/b], there's only a 50 Good Deed Rewards filing fee].

[topoftheworld]

Form # 1,507,770 PWP

Dear ____son or ____daughter, (check which applies)

We, your parents, never allowed you to have pets because we never felt that you understood how to properly apply papers in the proper manner.

If we had know that you actually have such a great affinity with paper products, we might have reconsidered.

We hope this explanation will satisfy your requirements.

Sincerely,

Your loving parents.

[T-Bone]

Form # 1,507,770 PWP

Dear __V__son or ____daughter, (check which applies)

We, your parents, never allowed you to have pets because we never felt that you understood how to properly apply papers in the proper manner.

If we had know that you actually have such a great affinity with paper products, we might have reconsidered.

We hope this explanation will satisfy your requirements.

Sincerely,

Your loving parents.

:wub: :) Thanks Mom and Dad - you've made me the happiest resident in the City of God! And don't worry - I'll use a lot of these stupid forms for the dog to do his business on!

[Belle]

:P :lol:

Y'all are cracking me up!!!! Don't stop!!

[templelady]

Have decided pets will be happier in the mansion.

Will now require Mansion with courtyard, East Wing, West Wing, North Wing, And South facing Central living area. The Dogs want the North wing where it's cool, the cats want the West wing where they can watch the sun go down and view the goings on at night of our neighbors, and the Fish, Mouse, Turtle and Gerbils want the East Wing as far from the Cats as possible.

I want the South facing central area so I can grow all the plants I couldn't keep alive here on earth and the Courtyard so I can entertain family and friends in style while the pets "gambol on the green midst the slimy troves"

[T-Bone]

Dear Happy Pet Lover but Troubled Gardner,

Since the Glory of God illuminates our fine City and every wall is Crystal Clear Jasper - it really doesn't matter where your cats are sitting - ain't no sun going down! However, you may want to re-position your Garden to the east wing - instead of having your fish, mouse, etc. there. The west wing of the adjacent mansion is occupied by Jacques Cousteau and he already has his pet shark Lucky on that side...Things could get a little dicey if Lucky were to get a bead on something moving in your east wing. And the City of God cannot be held liable for such catastrophic events [we're not sure if the crystal clear jasper walls are unbreakable].

Edited April 26, 2006 by T-Bone

[templelady]

Good thought--I may just sublet the East wing to the Irwins, they want to bring "Graham" their salt water Croc with them--If the walls do collapse the meeting between "Lucky" and Graham" might just bring a little excitement to the neighborhood

[T-Bone]

TopOfTheWorld and TempleLady - you two are crackin' me up!!!!!!!! :lol: What a come-back TempleLady!!!! I tell yah - I just thought of this dumb thing as a solitary post - had no idea any Café folks would extrapolate it all out of proportion! :) This is like Who's line is it Anyway gone wild!

...I'm gonna have to keep the GSC Patrons in mind as I think up this stuff - leaving it open ended when I start....Thanks mucho!!!!!

Edited April 27, 2006 by T-Bone

[topoftheworld]

It's what makes us great!!!!

[templelady]

So now I need a new floor plan,

The East wing for the Irwins, North wing for the dogs, the South wing for the cats they like the sunshine and West wing for me the fish, the turtle, the mouse and the gerbils.

I figure I'll have the courtyard area between the west and south wings with another between the west and north wings. That should put plenty of space between us and Graham. Lucky is on his own

[T-Bone]

Dear Nice New-Floor-Plan Type Person,

Our legal department happened to catch wind of your abundantly zoological plans and wanted me to pass on to you a couple of necessary items. 1. Both you and Mr. Cousteau will have to sign the City's standard Waiver and Release Form # 0003 WAR, relieving the City of all responsibility/liability in the event of any shark/croc altercations. 2. A $h_t Happens Containment Structure MUST be in place no later than 90 days from when aforementioned critters are placed in close proximity to each other - out of consideration and concern for the safety of the rest of the City's fine residents. Also, to let you know the City is currently backlogged on modifications to existing mansion structures and is having to contract out further projects. With that being said, we can have Alley Oop and his Woolly Mammoth come by your mansion this Friday between 8 and 5 to begin excavating.

Sincerely, Just-Doing-My-Job Type Person

Edited April 27, 2006 by T-Bone

[templelady]

No probelm I'll notify the Irwins,

I have my own contractors, Chewbacca, foreman of a group of dwarves (kin to Gimli son of Gloin), and C3PO will be by this afternoon I figure that Chewy will be able to whip through this this excavation-the more C3PO talks the faster they'll go so as to be finished the sooner and be able send C3PO back to Luke.

Oh yes I forgot to mention the Bunny, the Fire bellied newts, and the african frogs

Thank yo for all you assistance

YOurs truly

Eager Homeowner

Edited April 27, 2006 by templelady

[krys]

[......and some people moan about THE thread.......] [this is the way that one started] tee hee

[topoftheworld]

Dear Mr. Chewbacca,

I am respectfully submitting a bid for the roof of the mansion you are working on. My crew has extensive knowledge in a world wide variety of roofing systems. They take direction well, and are willing to work on holidays.

The bid covers materials only. The labor will be a gift of love. Their crew leader will provide all the light they need. They simply ask in exchange for grain and straw to sleep on.

Please drop off a response at your nearest post office, and it will be forwarded to my attention.

Sincerely,

Santa Claus

Edited to remove the sleigh bells-they were a little too loud.

Edited April 28, 2006 by topoftheworld

[templelady]

Reindeer on the roof work for me, recommend the south wing roof as the sound of 32 tiny hooves on the roof will keep the cats entertained

[Belle]

.....and the bats in the belfry yelled "MORE!!!! MORE!!!!!!"

[T-Bone]

Dear Eager Homeowner,

I will cancel Alley Oop and his crew of one Woolly Mammoth since you seem to have matters under control. However, your plans do touch upon several other permit requirements. Since you prefer a contractor of your choice, you will have to get him registered at City Hall . As you may have gathered already, our permits are very specific in addressing situations – so details are important. For registering Chewbacca you will need to use the permit My Contractor is a Wookie Form # 487,486,290 CIW. And please take note – DO NOT – I repeat – DO NOT confuse that with the other permit My Contractors looks like Leon Russell Form # 487,486,290 CLR. Sub-contracting is permissible in our City – but again that is governed on a permit specific-basis. For instance, if Chewbacca would like to sub-contract the roofing portion of your re-modeling project to say Santa Claus for example – he will need to apply for the Santa works for a Wookie permit Form # 487,486,295 SWW. Not to be confused with a similar permit, the Santa works for Leon Russell Form # 487,486,295 SLR.

In all the excitement of my getting the 1,507,770 PWP Form signed by my "parents" and being caught up in the elaborate design of your San Diego Zoo-like home I neglected to point out something to you – a trivial oversight on my part – so sorry. The permit Form # 1,507,776 RFP does stipulate you have the right to resurrect ONE favorite pet. Your continuous adding of creatures to this Noah-esque mansion is cause for concern – I do not wish to rain on your parade – but do indeed offer you hope! Our permit generating department prides themselves on having a permit for everything. When I first started working here, I jokingly said, "I bet you dudes could get an atheist a backstage pass for the Heavenly Choir every Thursday," – and someone yelled out from a nearby cubicle, "Form # 42,320,482 ABP." You may apply for the I've-got-more-freakin'-pets- than-you-can-shake-a-stick-at permit Form # 1,507,976 MFP.

Directions to Permit Office: City Hall is at the corner of Street of Gold Avenue and Street of Gold Street. Enter through the Front Pearly Doors and follow the "Permit Office" signs toward the back of the building. You will pass several doors: the "Ancient, Revered and most Esteemed Texts Commemorative Hall" Door, the "Book of the Month Club Hall of Higher Learning" Door, and the "Ineffable, Unfathomable, Inexhaustible 'THE' Thread" Door – after which is the "Permit Office" Door.

Wishing you the best with your project, Permit Clerk 1007

Edited April 28, 2006 by T-Bone

[templelady]

Dear Permit Clerk 1007

I have, after extensive contemplation, arrived at the conclusion that all work and no play makes for a VERY officious Permit Clerk. I feel that it is my Christian Duty to add a joy to your life. I therefore have, through the auspices of the United Federation of Planets, made contact with a Klingon Bird of Prey.

If you check out the extensive garden in the rear of City hall (the one surrounded on three sides with fields of Self-replenishing Quadrotriticale) you will find that 12 hours ago the Bird of Prey in question dropped off 1,500 Tribbles, Given that that was twelve hours ago combined with the fact that you probably won't be in your office for another 12 hours and the fact that the average Tribble gives birth to four young, by my calculations you should have 24,000 furry little pets of your very own when you arrive at work!

No thanks are necessary , as the Klingon's have expressed that it was their HONOR to provide you with these tokens of their appreciation.

I have notified Chewy about all the permits, variances etc that are required. He listened and then informed me that this will add extensively to the time it takes to finish this project. To stave off boredom he requested and I have agreed that he can practice strafing runs with the Millennium Falcon on the sand dunes at at the corner of Street of Golden Avenue and Street of Golden Street. I stressed the spelling so that there would be no confusion with any other location--but we are dealing with a Wookie here --so I am crossing my fingers.

Oh, Did I mention that Indigo Jones will Be my Architect?? Looking forward to his design plans

Yours,

Lady of the soon to be manor

Edited April 28, 2006 by templelady

[T-Bone]

Dear Lady of the soon to be Manor,

There is no way I can ever repay you or thank you for your patience and generosity. I am working at a feverish pace to come up with accommodations for all these Tribbles. Since you mentioned your architect was Inigo Jones I had him submit a design proposal for my Tribbles Wing. I guess it comes down to one's personal likes and dislikes. His design was a little too frou-frou for me – sort of like the Queen's Chapel at Saint James' Gang House of Holy Guitars and Such. You have been an inspiration for me to think outside the box [i'm probably going to pay heaven for doing this later] – I have tracked down the Ninth Corps of Engineers. Yes – that wild bunch of rag-tag architects and engineers, booted out of the City Planner's Office eons ago. They may be cut-ups and rebellious – but are endowed with one heaven of a creative spirit – in my humble opinion! I am looking forward to their design submittal.

I must confess, as our dialogue continues I grow increasingly weary of this place and my stifling co-workers. This morning was such a double-edged event for me. Imagine my joy upon entering our office and being overwhelmed by all those comforting little Tribbles [i'm holding several right now as I write]. Then old stuck-in-the-mud Permit Clerk 25 starts snooping around my desk and finds your latest letter. After reading it, he informs me I must apply for the permit I've-got-more-freakin'-pets-than-you-can-shake-a-stick-at Form # 1,507,976 MFP. He grabbed the Permit Thesaurus off my desk, mumbling things that only Gene Rodenberry would understand as he hurriedly thumbed through the enormous text – finally stopping with a big "Aha!" exclamation. "Tell your Lady friend she'll have to apply for the Making Multiple Sci-Fi Cross References permit Form # 270,470,333,000,001.5 SFC." After which he walked off strutting like some proud hunter that just bagged a big one.

Hoping this will all work out – for both of us, Permit Clerk 1007

Edited April 28, 2006 by T-Bone