I Love Bagpipes

(Okay, one more time....I'll try to enter this post as a separate post. I really thought it might help reading all this if it were divided up. That is, if anybody takes the time to read all of it. But my consecutive posts want to attach to my previous posts.) Following are a few quotes simply as food for thought, including food for thought for myself. If you wish, take out the word "satan" and simply substitute evil, accusations, or some other similar word. From the book, I See Satan Fall Like Lightening: "(footnote: 'Single victim mechanism' is a translation of the French mecanisme victimaire. It refers to the unconscious snowballing process that reaches a point of crisis and ends the disorder of human rivalries and scandals by expelling or lynching a victim. It could, of course , select more than one victim, perhaps a minority group, foreigners, et al., but for purposes of analysis and discussion Girard wishes to keep a clear focus on the simplest instance of the mechanism....)" "....community reestablishes its unity against a single victim who becomes the supreme scandal because everyone, in a mimetic fervor, holds this one to be guilty. Satan is the violent contagion that persuades the entire community, which has become unanimous, that this guilt is real. He owes one of his most ancient and traditional names to this art of persuasion. He is the accuser....in the book of Job.....In transforming a community of people with distinct identities and roles into a hysterical mass, Satan produces myths and is the principle of systematic accusation that bursts forth from the contagious imitation provoked by scandals. Once the unfortunate victim is completely isolated, deprived of defenders, nothing can protect her or him from the aroused crowd. Everyone can set upon the victim without having to fear the least reprisal." "......The persecutors....believe they have on their hands a dangerous person, someone evil, of whom they must rid the community. What could be more sincere than their hatred?" ".....The Ephesians start stoning their victim with such rage that they finally see him as Apollonius demands, the source of all their misfortunes, the 'plague demon' that must be expelled in order to heal the city." "....The single victim mechanism only functions by means of the ignorance of those who keep it working. They believe they are supporting the truth when they are really living a lie." I hope these posts help clarify (and maybe halt) a tiny portion of any gossip that may be being whispered. I sincerely pray these posts do not add to any gossip. I doubt I will return to GSC. Enough folks have my email addy if someone wants to contact me via email. Peace, Carol Welch ILB PS: At this point I'm not gonna posts the accusations. But I have them all typed out, if I decide to post them. I process by writing, thus I've written.

Just some ramblings now: I left TWI about 1-1/2 years ago after 28 years of involvement. GSC provided me a place to decompress after leaving TWI and a place to reconnect with friends and make new friends. For that I am thankful. I am also thankful for the good experiences I had while in TWI. One of GSC's characteristics is its stands against the hypocrisy of TWI? I think some people would agree that systems/organizations have a way of becoming that which they stand against, oftentimes only to protect their agenda(s)? We all came/come out of group think - a learned response. Everyone who lives in a community is exposed and experiences some level of group think. We all know our societies and communities need to remember and apply deep thought and consideration before jumping to conclusive judgments and making accusations and absolute assessments, and to not allow a system to become our identity. Interestingly toward the end of April I began reading a book, I See Satan Fall Like Lightening by Rene Girard, a French anthropologist, as part of a book study with some other folks. (Totally non Way related.) Little did I know that I would be in a thicket (on a very small scale) experiencing the very concepts/actions/observations that this book addresses and dissects. I have thought about the concepts presented in this book in light of TWI, in light of accusations toward TWI, in light of this recent drama that played out in my personal life, and in light of group think and communities in general. My next post contains a few quotes from this book as food for thought.

(I'm trying to enter these as separate posts, but my 2nd post ended up on my first post. So, if it alls end up together...oh well.) Over the course of the next 2(?) weeks my WOW brother and I communicated. He began to share his story. I revealed to him the scenario that had played out and Paw's accusations. My husband and I had supper with him. There was a legitimate technological explanation regarding Paw's (incorrect) assessment for Paw to think that my WOW brother was posing as another poster. I presented this explanation to Paw. Two of Paw's statements to me in response to my explanation were: "There can be no other explanation" and "He looks for people like you." It appeared to me that Pawtucket was unwilling to consider that he might be wrong regarding his accusation. Paw came across brash to me and I admit, I responded brashly to him. At that point I wrote Pawtucket that I no longer wanted to pm about it. As of a week or so ago, as far as I can tell, Paw still stands by his accusation from December. My problem is not that Paw did not believe me. He had reason to believe what he did, and I understand that. What bothers me is when an expert/authority in a field will not consider that maybe, perhaps s/he might have assessed something incorrectly after being given a legitimate possible explanation regarding an assessment/accusation. To my knowledge, Pawtucket was not present during a recent character assassination of my WOW brother which took place in another forum, but I do feel Pawtucket's appraisal toward the accused had influence in the assassination. Also, the accused had no way to defend himself. Other things played into this assassination, some of which were actually brought about by the accused. Suppressed emotional responses are rarely neat and tidy. GSC has plenty proof of that. I believe the character assassination that took place in the other forum and then spilled over onto the GSC board was unjust and wrong. From mine and my husband's 3-D current, real-life relationship with my WOW brother, we feel he is one of the most honest people we know. I am not trying to come across that I am some righteous individual above reproach. I am not. Neither is any other person involved in this soap opera fiasco. I hope and want to believe that no one (including myself) maliciously and/or intentionally accused and/or lied. Emotions were running high through the domino of events. (After reading through some of the responses on this thread, perhaps I should post the false accusations made against me and my husband and my WOW brother and his friend that I mention in my initial post on this thread. I wasn't going to, but maybe I'll add that at the end of my planned responses here.) (Edited to try to get my next post as a next post. <_< )

I stated in my previous post that it was my last. Obviously it wasn't because I am posting again. I hope and believe my motives in posting are to shed a little light regarding any current gossip, to clarify part of the reason I have expressed what I have expressed, and to get people to think outside and beyond group think. The following posts explain part of the reason for my response(s) in regard to the recent churlish and paranoid character assassination that took place in another forum and then spilled over into the public GSC forum. I am dividing what would be one long post into separate posts to make for a more conducive reading format. These posts contain only a small tip of an iceberg. In December I had an unusual cyber reunion on GSC with a man with whom I had been on the WOW field some 26 years ago. As the scenario of this reunion played out Pawtucket warned me that this man was posing as someone else, that I had been bated, that this man was not to be trusted and was liar. Due to the circumstances surrounding this cyber reunion, I felt deeply violated based on Pawtucket's appraisal and information regarding this individual. The same day that Paw revealed to me his assessment of this individual, I learned that law enforcement had discovered that someone I knew who had recently been murdered in the city where I live, was murdered by someone posing to be someone else. If what Paw stated was true (that my WOW brother whom I had the cyber reunion with was posing as someone else, was a liar, was not to be trusted), I was deeply concerned. My WOW brother had my full name, the city where I lived, both my phone numbers, and he lived about 45 minutes from my home. If he was the pervert/psycho that I had been led to believe, my family could be in danger. I do not believe that was an over reaction, but a normal response to the circumstances. After discussing the situation with my husband , I contacted my brother in law who is in law enforcement. I paid for a criminal background check. My family was instructed to make sure all doors remained locked and if any unknown or suspicious characters were hanging around to make a phone call. My point in explaining all this in this post is that if anyone had a legitimate cause to fully investigate this alleged psycho, it was me and my husband. My family could have been in very real physical danger. The criminal background check came up clean. I let Paw know the results of the criminal background check. In the meantime I spent about 3 days reading every post this person had posted from years back (that could be viewed) on GSC. I endeavored to stay objective through this investigation. I needed to get a feel for this alleged pervert that I might be dealing with. Again, I do not believe this was an over reaction but a logical course of action based on what Paw had revealed to me regarding this person. After reading every post I could find, my assessment of this individual was that this person spoke his mind, liked to cuss some, sometimes came across brash.....but also that he wasn't a liar and didn't like perverts. Still I was very cautious, preparing myself if he might call or appear at our home. A few days later the alleged psycho called me. I was with my husband when the phone call came through. My heart quickened; I had some fear. I took the call. At that time I did not reveal to my WOW brother (the alleged bater, liar, deceiver, etc.) any of the scenario I had been through the previous 6 days. Psychos/liars are good at what they do and I wasn't sure who/what I was dealing with. (cont'd next post).......

I posted the following on Holly's goodbye thread. I want to put a copy in a separate thread as well, thus the new topic. However I will not be responding nor will I be reading. Following is what I posted on her Adieu thread: As I read this thread my heart got sick. Sick at the false accusations run rampant, paranoia, and TWI/cult mindset. I regret feeling that I should post the following on a goodbye thread. But because of certain statements and references made in this thread I feel I should. Sorry to burst everyone's sympathy bubbles. Pawtucket has lied. I do not trust him. He has twisted words. He falsely accused me. He falsely accused my husband. He falsely accused a friend of mine. He falsely accused a friend of his. Pawtucket has never expressed that maybe, perhaps, possibly he could be wrong regarding certain parts of the circus that has gone on regarding the scenario. He apparently is above reproach, just like the TWI leadership this board condemns. My dictionary calls that hypocrisy. As this thread progressed I was heart sick. When I got to Pawtucket's post I got very angry; he lied in his first post here. (I say first because I have not read since last night around 11:30ish, and he may have posted since then.) Then when I read the responses of praise I literally almost got sick to my stomach. No one ever sent around or (to my knowledge) even threatened to spread a certain email. The only recipients of that email were Pawtucket and the person the email was about. Later my husband and I requested a copy of the email; Pawtucket made reference to the email in a pm to my husband. I will never again post at GSC nor will I be answering pm-s. Folks who know me have my phone numbers and my email addresses. It is TWI all over again and I want no part of it. I have no desire to discuss with anyone (except maybe certain friends) this web of mass confusion and false accusations. I look forward to the day, all things are revealed clearly. I hope the friends I have made here will at least consider that at least some of my words hold weight. Still Holly, I wish you well.

As I read this thread my heart got sick. Sick at the false accusations run rampant, paranoia, and TWI/cult mindset. I regret feeling that I should post the following on a goodbye thread. But because of certain statements and references made in this thread I feel I should. Sorry to burst everyone's sympathy bubbles. Pawtucket has lied. I do not trust him. He has twisted words. He falsely accused me. He falsely accused my husband. He falsely accused a friend of mine. He falsely accused a friend of his. Pawtucket has never expressed that maybe, perhaps, possibly he could be wrong regarding certain parts of the circus that has gone on regarding the scenario. He apparently is above reproach, just like the TWI leadership this board condemns. My dictionary calls that hypocrisy. As this thread progressed I was heart sick. When I got to Pawtucket's post I got very angry; he lied in his first post here. (I say first because I have not read since last night around 11:30ish, and he may have posted since then.) Then when I read the responses of praise I literally almost got sick to my stomach. No one ever sent around or (to my knowledge) even threatened to spread a certain email. The only recipients of that email were Pawtucket and the person the email was about. Later my husband and I requested a copy of the email; Pawtucket made reference to the email in a pm to my husband. I will never again post at GSC nor will I be answering pm-s. Folks who know me have my phone numbers and my email addresses. It is TWI all over again and I want no part of it. I have no desire to discuss with anyone (except maybe certain friends) this web of mass confusion and false accusations. I look forward to the day, all things are revealed clearly. I hope the friends I have made here will at least consider that at least some of my words hold weight. Still Holly, I wish you well.

ROFL!!!!! Hoist the main sail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :biglaugh:

Oh my!! :D Thank you kindly Vegan. I hope you enjoy at least some of it. :) I didn't write much until the last 5 years in. It turned out to be "salvation." And Dooj ..... all aboard matey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Couple more thoughts: In a conversation today I was reminded of a book that helped some, The Artist's Way by Cameron. I didn't apply all the exercises in her book, but the book helped me get in touch with (dare I say) murdered dreams. Also Sara Breathech's (?) books like Excavating Your Authentic Self. As far as rubbing shoulders with creative folks.....my first specific exposed rub that was outside the "boundaries" was when I joined an African drumming circle for a couple years. That was while I was still in TWI. Looking back it was a vital part of the awakening within. Yeah...and what Dooj said on the writing. Perfectionism is a killer for creativity.

Thanks Belle. Actually the context of the article softens it up some for me. I am glad to see that they include physiological dysfunctions as a cause as well. I'm currently reading Waking the Dead by John Eldridge and am enjoying it. I don't necessarily agree with all of it, but much I do agree with (for my life at this stage.) Eldridge addresses "counseling" from a biblical perspective in that the holy spirit is the great counselor residing within the heart, and that listening to one's heart is vital for that counsel. (As you know the heart stuff is one of my favorite subjects. All that Pert and Heartmath background gives more insight to Eldridge-type books.) Anyhoo....t'anks for the link.

Question 1: yes Question 2: no Question 3: It sounds like you are on the right track, ie: you're aware and openly expressing it. That counts for a lot, imo. I assume you are recently new exiting TWI or the like? Or at least just now becoming aware of its influence in your life? I was involved 28 years and left 1 - 1/2 years ago. The past few months my creative insides sort of erupted, in a good way me thinks. :) But the need to erupt had been brewing for 8 or 9 years. I hid in the pages of my journals through some of that time. I am final able to openly express. In other words it has taken time and timetables are different for different people. I have a phrase I say to myself when stepping beyond the "boundaries": Feel the fear and do it anyway. As the saying goes, just do it. I have contemplated with myself and asked, "What is the worst than can happen?" Logically (for me) the worst that can happen when I express myself is rejection of my work/expression or judgment passed toward me. Part of my stifling has come from the need for approval. That stems from a variety of experiences, one being the required approval by leadership in certain situations in TWI. That is, was I on the Word or off the Word in my expression. Of course if it weren't TWI, I probably would have been involved in some other controlling group with similar results. As we all know, even the nuclear family (that has an atomosphere of control and approval) can stifle creativity. Something else that has helped me is rubbing shoulders with people who are of a creative spirit; they get it. They understand that the point is expression. It ain't for approval; it ain't necessarily to "bless" someone else; it ain't for some sort of "profit." Hello effin' no! (Excuse me; I could go on a rant here.) The point is expression; the point is life; the point is the journey; the point is the heart. (Plus some other points, I'm sure. ) Good LUCK with your endeavors JavaJane. You'll be fine as you keep putting one stroke in front, behind, beside the other.